Thank You Note for My Readers

Let me start off by apologizing for the semi-emo blog this past Sunday. I debated editing that stuff at the end out, but I was so frustrated with struggling to edit the format of the post I gave up editing the actual WORDS of the post. Plus, I think it will be good for Future Me - and any struggling writers - to look back, see my doubts, and then see how I concurred them.

I do feel the need to clarify something though. Sunday, when I was whining about fading in to obscurity and never getting famous, well.... Let's just all admit that we'd like to be famous. We'd like to have our names live on forever. We'd like having complete strangers know we exist. We'd like for someone three generations from now to still know we lived.

But my reasoning for fame is beyond that. My passion is to write. I get bored or aggravated or stressed out doing anything else. Even editing film - as much as I love it - irritates me to no end when I can't figure out a problem. I never have that with writing. I have a problem, or a Writer's Block and I might get mopey about not knowing what to do, but I never get angry or stressed or agitated. I love writing. I love how soothing it is to me. If I could I would spend all day in front of a computer screen and just type.

THAT is my main reason for griping. I can't survive on my passion unless I'm "famous", unless enough people know of my work and like it enough to pay me for it. I need to be "famous" in order to give up my job and be able to stay home all day.

So I guess I'm just really ticked off that I haven't worked on my story since June, and that I haven't finished the July Daily Challenges, and that I haven't written ANYTHING in over a month. I'm frustrated that the ones closest to me IRL haven't read my works. I'm irritated that I'm paying back a $20,000+ loan for a college degree I'm not even using.

If you had gone to 18-yr-old me, ready to start college and looking towards the future. And if you had asked her where she'd be in a decade, you know what she would have told you?
"I'll be married with at least one kid. I'll be writing for a newspaper and possibly working on a novel on the side. I definitely want at least one novel published by the time I'm, say, 35. I'd also like a second child by then."

Hmm, well, I'm at least married. I might have ONE kid by the time I'm 35. I gave up on journalism - it's too boring and intrusive of a career for me. And I still have time to write that novel before I'm 35. So it's not ALL Doom and Gloom... but still, I'm certainly not where I thought I would be.

So I'm sorry for dumping my insecurities, self-doubt, and generic "emo-ness" all over last week's blog.

I DO care for each of my readers. I DO love that you love me so much. I DO understand that I don't have that vast of a portfolio - and I need to work on that. I DO love that I have fanart for my story - and screw having a whole group dedicated to it! It's not even done yet! It's not even 1/2 way done yet! I DO love and appreciate every last one of you.

You encourage me. You motivate me. You ground me. You lift me up. You remind me why I love writing. I'm no longer writing just for me. And I'm not writing to become famous.

I'm writing for you.

I'm writing as my thank you for all of your love for me.

I'm still going to write the stories I'd want to read - as any writer should. I'm still going to write because it's my passion and it makes me happy.

But you, dear reader, helps remind me WHY it makes me happy.

So thank you. With all my heart, thank you.