A couple days ago I was asked how I manage to keep myself writing.
I'm going to be honest: I don't.
I'm sure you can see where this blog post is going to go.
Nope. No writing this week. Last Tuesday I worked and didn't make it home until about 7pm. I then quickly had dinner, and turned around and did laundry. I didn't finally have some downtime until a little after 10pm. I wasn't about to start writing anything then. Wednesday I worked, and then dinner, and then I fought with my laptop for about an hour while Wolfhearted and
Omnibladestrike were finishing up their new character builds with Hubby. Then we all hung out for about an hour before the return of
The Magicians on SYFY channel. By the time the episode was done, it was 11pm. Thursday was once again work, then dinner, then D&D until 11pm.
Friday I finally had a day off after a 10-day work week. I spent the morning paying bills, balancing my finances, and all that other fun Adulting stuff. I also tried out the ocarina my mom got me for Christmas while
there was no one around to annoy. I got started on some of my chore backlog, but that was interrupted by my father-in-law popping in. My momentum killed, I fetched Hubby from work, did a load of dishes, watched a 45min YouTube video by one of the channels I follow, and promptly passed out for nearly 2hrs. Guess I needed to catch up on sleep too, huh? I then walked Hubby to his
Friday Night Magic pre-release tournament a little before 6pm, and hung out at the store for a touch. When I got home I MEANT to either get back to cleaning, or maybe work on some writing.
Instead I spent pretty much the entire evening - all four hours of it - playing video games, because I haven't really done that hobby in a while. I then showered, quickly made up a picnicked dinner for Hubby's midnight tournament - something he wasn't sure he was staying for at first; there were two tournament options for the pre-release weekend - walked it down to him, hung out for a tick again, and then went home to finally crash.
Saturday I also had the day off; a rare 2 days in a row, and even rarer Saturday off. While I let Hubby sleep in - I think he got home about 4am? - I had breakfast, and finally took down our Christmas tree. It may seem pathetic that it kept me until January 18th to do so, but I didn't decorate the darn thing until Christmas Eve, and last year I didn't take the tree down until Easter... so having it "up" for less than a month, and down in January, is quite the improvement, I think.
The whole thing is so tedious too since we have to use a fake tree; Hubby being horribly allergic to evergreen trees and all. Between taking down the ornaments, packing them away, collapsing the branches, dismantling the tree, and vacuuming up all the plastic needles that STILL manage to fall off this thing like it's a real tree, the whole project kept me over 2hrs. I then got some dishes done, some more vacuuming, and then I made lunch for Hubby and I after waking him up.
We then had a fairly quick pop-in from some friends to FINALLY
exchange Christmas gifts. After they left, I braved the snow to head back out to Walmart to try to find a tote large enough for our dang tree since the box it is normally stored in finally fell apart. The tree itself is over a decade old, after all. Navigating the bad roads, and Walmart, and trying to find a tote that would fit the tree AND my car, and then wandering Walmart trying to find my dang glove that fell out of my pocket was quite the exhausting trip. I made it home with just enough time to trim and shape my now horribly chipped nails before Omni and Goob came over for our normal Anime Night.
Sunday I was back at work, but not for terribly long: the store is only open 5hrs. I took advantage of the later start of the work day by casually watching some YouTube videos while getting ready for work and having something small to eat. Then work. Then I took Hubby to work, and watched the American football championship games. I enjoyed being able to watch the second half of the AFC championship game, but I actually found the NFC game a bit boring with how one-sided it was, also the Packers just weren't playing to their normal standard, I didn't think.
Still, I DID watch the games; casually. While doing so, I COULD have folded laundry or other such chore that I could have brought in front of the TV. Or I could have worked on writing since I was only half-paying attention to the games anyway. Instead, I turned my mind off, and played video games pretty much the entire time.
I had the place to myself. The 6:30 game wasn't terribly entertaining to me. I could have done just about ANYTHING else uninterrupted. I played video games. I win at life.
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Ironically, it was while I was avoiding even really thinking about anything that I was asked how I get myself to keep writing.
Yep. You saw right. I was asked how I get myself to keep writing while I was actively avoiding it.... Oh, Irony....
The entire week was pretty much me just... not writing. I've stopped trying to force it. My brain needs to recoup from the franticness of the past few months. I don't want to burn myself out already, so soon into the new year. So, I just don't push it.
I am focused on cleaning my apartment so I'm not so stressed and de-moralized whenever I come home. Yesterday was Bedroom Day. I now (mostly) have a floor. I still have some baskets to sort through - one for clothes to see if they still fit, one of towels and wash cloths to be put away in the kitchen and bathroom, one of clothes to but away in the closet after I re-iron them, and one of socks I need to find the mates to - but I no longer have to climb in and out of bed via the foot of the mattress. We can also access our dresser drawers again after I re-organized them so they can properly close/open once more. Also... more dusting and vacuuming....
It's amazing how much stress is lifted with the simplest things, like, oh, I dunno, seeing your floor again!
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Knives from the Scott Pilgrim comic books
by Bryan Lee O'Malley |
The bedroom - plus a couple of breaks for meals and cleaning dishes - took up a large chunk of my day, but I feel productive, and less stressed. So why try to push it by also forcing myself to get some narrative writing in as well? I'm not doing this professionally yet, and once I am, writing would be my normal work day, wouldn't it? I mean, I'd have time specifically set aside for little to no distractions whilst I write.
Right now, though? Right now writing is my escape. It is my de-stressor. It is my passion. If I'm not feeling any of that, then what's the point? Why turn writing into a chore? I think part of my problem in the past was pushing myself too hard. I might not be pushing hard enough right now, and I DO need to produce SOMETHING soon because I AM going a bit stir crazy, but I'm also still recovering from the holidays.
So, I will continue to de-stress in other ways, such as FINALLY getting my apartment back in order so it's a calming space for me again. Or by FINALLY playing video games, since I truly do enjoy them and rarely prioritize time for them. Or just by napping, because I went from virtually NEVER drinking coffee to both drinking many cups a day AND drinking 5-Hour Energy shots while at work and can't make coffee. I'm all caffeined up, and it's probably not the healthiest thing. Naps are probably better.... That and going to bed before midnight if I'm trying to be up by 7am each day.
Besides, if I'm being entirely truthful here, it's not like I COMPLETELY took a hiatus from writing.
I actually got a bit TOO involved in Kriv's ode to Cutter.
Yes, Tuesday I was training the new employees, so I didn't have the downtime to write at work then. Wednesday, however, I tried to crank out the Epic of Cutter Von Richtor so I had it in time for our next D&D session. I managed to sort through the soft role play that Wolfhearted and I did of Cutter and Kriv just chatting, and created a sort of bullet-pointed list of Cutter Facts that Kriv potentially knew. I also found a free download for a modern translation of
Beowulf, and started reading through that to help inspire me for how I might want to format Kriv's homage.
Side Note: the modern translation I downloaded on Wednesday, and therefore the one I was originally referencing, was
this one by Thomas Meyer that you can actually download for free, legally, from the publisher. However, while working on this blog post, I could not remember where I found that free version of
Beowulf. I wanted to link to it, so I hit up Google to try to retrace my steps in finding it in the first place. In so doing, I discovered
another modern translation that is also free to download via Project Gutenburg. This version, by Ernest J. B. Kirtlan, is written in prose in order to simplify the story even further, whereas Meyer's version tries to keep the epic poem in its original formatting and cadence. You have a variety of options to download Kirtlan's version - I downloaded it for the Kindle - but I never was a fan of the Kindle formatting, which is why I'm still waiting for
Ali Luke to release paperback versions of
Dominion and
Not So Imaginary even though I do own both as ebooks. Anyway, my point is that there is
an HTML version of Kirtlan's translation for you to simply read online, and I'll most likely stick to that one for future
Beowulf prose telling re-reads.
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Wednesday, as I stated, was spent re-reading
Beowulf for formatting research, and I tried to plot out Cutter's Life As Known By Kriv. I didn't get much farther than that at work.
Thursday I again attempted to get Kriv's Ode to Cutter done in time for game, but things did not go to plan. Instead, I read through more of
Beowulf. Even with the modern translation, the poetry formatting throws me off, so it's a bit harder for me to absorb and retain. I more-or-less knew the story from reading it in high school, watching
the movie when it came out in 2007, and refreshing my memory via
Red's recap over on Overly Sarcastic Productions. Still, trying to get the FEEL of what makes a story easily told and retold orally was tricky.
As I studied
Beowulf, and pondered how to make my own story easily orated, I also thought back to my one friend's mom, and how she used to tell the story of
Rindercella. Now,
Rindercella is a spoonerism retelling of
Cinderella that is most commonly remembered as a
skit by Archie Campbell on the Hee Haw television show in the 1970s. It could have earlier origins, and Campbell himself could have either heard it from someone else or simply recited it from a script. Either way, it was so fun to listen to and repeat - plus the skit itself says to learn the story and retell it - that many people started recreating the skit, much like the
Who's on First skit by Abbott and Costello. Anyway, the skit eventually became a campfire staple with the Boy Scouts, I guess. That's where my friend's mom heard it - she was a den mother - and she memorized it, and brought it to our Girl Scout campfires. It became a tradition there too, and my friend ended up memorizing it to tell her campers when she was a counselor, as well as telling it to the younger Girl Scouts when she became an assistant troop leader.
In truth, it wasn't until college or so did I realize my friend's mom didn't actually come up with
Rindercella herself, and that, my friends, is how oral stories work. They are fun to listen to, fun to tell, and fairly easy to remember, both from an audience standpoint as well as a presenter's. It's also a bit tricky to try to find the originator of the tale; we can only really trace it back to Campbell thanks to it being recorded on TV and archived.
Kriv, of course, would want his name to travel with his story of Cutter, so I'll have to work his name into his Ode somehow, but in the end, yeah, I have to make it as fun as
Rindercella, or as memorable and intriguing as
Beowulf. It should probably be a bit trickier to remember, like
Beowulf, in order to make Kriv's retelling of it special, since only those who have studied the epic can properly remember it, whereas those who hear it will only remember highlights.
Kind of like those Super Fans who can recite the entirety of a movie vs the casual viewers/fans who could tell you the characters, basic plot, some key one-liners, but little else.
So, yeah, all of that style research kind of took over, and I didn't really get anywhere with my actual writing.
Buuuut, that's probably a good thing now that there's a major monkey wrench in what Kriv's story SHOULD have been. As I mentioned last week, Cutter and Faelyth were left behind when the rest of the party were teleported out of the hidden basement lair. Then Cutter died when he was crushed under the collapsed stone ceiling, and further smooshed under the stone block used as a trap door for the lair. Kriv, of course, was not around to witness any of this, and Faelyth ran away before telling anyone. So my glorious idiot of a dragonborn has to somehow figure out what happened himself. Either that, or Solf or Hakkim need to figure it out and relay that info to Kriv.
The party did indeed return to the last place they saw Faelyth and Cutter -
with Faelyth's older sister Kiatha in tow - and tried to search for their lost companions. However, the guards hadn't had the personnel available to excavate the caved in stairs yet, and the party were all too weak (read: failed our rolls) to move the heavy stones. So Cutter's body is still under a stone block, and the debris was too dense for anyone to see any potentially still-whole limbs sticking out for identification. The only clue was the trail of blood Faelyth left behind when she fled.
It was deduced that at least ONE of the lost duo had gotten out, while covered in blood. It was unknown if it is their own blood or someone/something else's. Kriv did note that only ONE set of tracks was found, so perhaps the other partymate was still in the rubble. The rest of the party quickly dismissed these concerns, stating that the one set of tracks doesn't mean anything; perhaps the other just didn't have any blood dripping off them, or perhaps Cutter was carrying Faelyth.
Now, please know that I TRIED to have Kriv figure it out. I did. The rest of the party dismissed any "ah-ha" moments Kriv might have had. Instead, Kriv did what he does best: wove a grand tale. I personally blame all of my years watching
Castle for this: tell a great story despite the lack of facts, and just tweak it once new evidence comes to light.
Cutter was surprisingly empathetic, especially towards meek Faelyth. The more Kriv unknowingly made Faelyth uncomfortable, or the more Faelyth proved herself a competent companion, the more Cutter stuck by her and was protective of her. Kriv, of course, misread this as Cutter having romantic affections for Faelyth. It probably didn't help that Cutter had a ruddy complexion, and so he always looked either sunburnt or - as Kriv probably thought - always blushing. Add in that Faelyth seemed the most comfortable around Cutter, ya know, because he wasn't putting her in peril or trying to push her into the limelight like Kriv. To the hyperactive imagination of my bard, Faelyth's seemingly uncharacteristic calm with Cutter proved she returned his romantic feelings. The fact that Cutter wouldn't play along with Kriv's playful flirtations only solidified that the gladiator's heart was only for one person.
Cutter had also grumbled about being forced into a marriage contract in order to keep his main patron happy. That's when Kriv first thought of Cutter and Faelyth as "star-crossed lovers."
Now that the duo could not be find after "conveniently" being left behind, Kriv is convinced the two eloped. The way he sees the events is as follows:
During their brief time on the beach, wandering the dense jungle, and the many trials of the ziggurat, Cutter's and Faelyth's unconventional love sparked. It blossomed on the ride back into the city, but the duo knew they had to keep their newfound affections secret. For at his home, in the very city they were returning to, Cutter had a very wealthy and demanding patron. This Elf of high-standing was so fond of the gladiator that he wished Cutter join his family by way of marrying the Elf's daughter. Should the patron catch wind that Cutter preferred another, let alone a Drow - a hated "inferior" by Elven standards - all funding would cease, and Cutter might even become an enemy of the elite. Due to his loyalty to his owner/boss/father-figure, the dwarf Frinan who owned and ran the gladiatorial arena, Cutter would never do anything that might affect profits for the fighters' pit. Beyond that, neither Cutter nor Faelyth wished to have an Elf's vengeance sent upon her.
It was painful for the two lovers to keep their feelings secret and chaste, but they persevered. Then, as if Fate itself wished them to be together, they were left wholly alone in the basement lair. No one would know what happened to them. They could run away. They could be together!
"No," said Cutter, "For I am betrothed, and still shackled to be a gladiator. We shall be hunted down should we flee." So instead, he devised a great plan. He was a man of strength and endurance. He had neared Death before, and snarled at it each time. He was too stubborn to allow Death to take him before he was ready. He also knew from experience what parts of the body bled the most, and how long one could survive such wounds. Studying the stairs they had descended before, he began hacking away at the stone in order to cause a terrible cave in, leaving just enough space for the duo to sneak through. He then cut himself in order to pool his blood among the debris, and had the unsoiled Faelyth move the last bits of debris into place to hide the hole they escaped through. It would look as if there was a terrible accident trapping them inside, and they would be thought dead. Perhaps the lovers even concocted a plan to hide the fact that their bodies were no longer inside.
Forgetting his wounds, Cutter walked away from his past life, his future one draped along his side. Likewise, Faelyth no longer needed to fear or flee, for her bravery and home had her tightly wrapped within his arms. Pausing only long enough for Faelyth to finally tend to Cutter's bleeding, the couple fled the city, to start anew elsewhere, leaving their old identities behind.
Kriv is too much of a hopeless romantic to be deterred from this headcanon of his ship finally sailing. Even when Faelyth's older sister Kiatha mentioned that Faelyth "doesn't like men" Kriv simply responded:
"That just makes them an even more unlikely couple! To think that Cutter is the one man to manage to work his way into Faelyth's heart!"
Like I said before, I can't keep my characters from The Stupid.... Kriv will bend facts to meet his headcanon, reality be damned, apparently.
So... uh.... I guess, instead of an In Memorium, Kriv is now writing a sort of
Romeo & Juliet about Cutter and Faelyth, but with a happy ending???
Regardless, I still needed to lock down what highlights of Cutter's life would be included, so Friday was back to plotting that out. I had all of the backstory that Kriv should know about Cutter already ironed out. Now was time to work through the highlights of the campaign. I had a bit of practice during session as the new characters asked about Faelyth and "what happened to her?"
Of course, Solf instantly knew that was entirely the wrong question to state within earshot of Kriv. Instead of a simple "we were investigating this thing at this underground lair, and we got separated; we're not sure what happened next" the whole group was regaled - sorta - by Kriv's tell of EVERYTHING that happened since first meeting Faelyth and Cutter.
In truth, I was going to just start the tale in such a grand manner that it was obvious what Kriv was doing, and then I was going to "fade to black" as it were, and then "cut" to the last bit where the party was separated. However, Quarthix wasn't there for the first four sessions, and I had handwaved over a lot of that first arc when Kriv originally told the tale in the tavern upon meeting Solf. When Quarthix expressed interest in actually hearing the tale, I leaned hard into it. By the time I got to the part where the party met Solf, and therefore all players knew exactly what happened, everyone seemed so into my overly dramatic retelling that I just sort of... continued to run with it? The whole thing probably took a good ten or twenty minutes. To be fair, though, that's still a fairly decent recap for... what... seven sessions averaging roughly 4hrs each?
Anyway, I had realized upon my impromptu retelling that I didn't quite remember the ziggurat dungeon dive all that well. I still haven't taken a moment to look back on the map that Hubby drew - which will likely refresh my memory - nor have I talked through the events with Hubby, Omni, and/or Wolf to try to better recall the highlights in proper order. I wish Hubby had notes, but since the dungeon was supposed to be a one-off, he just used a random generator, and I don't think he has that info anymore. I'll have to check....
Regardless, I haven't touched my campaign recap since Friday. I already told you what I had done the past three days which took priority.
Now I'm on the fence between "Well, Kriv doesn't think they're dead, so no need to rush through this story; focus on the
Miraculous Ladybug Valentine's stories" and "Now that Kriv thinks there's an epic love story to tell, I should probably come up with something for next game; plus it gives me something new that was written this month since I haven't shared anything since Christmas."
We'll see which side prevails next week.
In the meantime, Hubby and I haven't had much time TOGETHER and ALONE in a while, so we're off to a double-header movie date.
OH! Two more things, though, before I go. This first one I meant to share a while ago.
Long-time readers of this blog might remember how, in 2018,
I talked about a story called Mr. Lucky and the Cat by fanfiction writer
HariWrites. I really enjoyed the non-magical/con-man/thief AU that she had created. Instead of superheroes, Marinette was a cat-themed burglar a la Catwoman, and Adrien was a con-artist who used his wealth and model status to weasel his way into expensive homes and closed events showcasing unique riches. In both cases, our nontraditional heroes were more-or-less Robin-Hooding; stealing previously stolen items from "evil" elites. There was also a parallel plot where Tikki was the lead detective for the string of robberies, and Plagg was the main investigator for the company that had insured nearly everything that had been stolen. There was a lot of mystery and suspense as you tried to figure out who to trust out of a cast of characters you know to be good in the show's continuity. Also, of course there was a sort of forbidden romance between Marinette and Adrien, and who wouldn't fall for that?
Well, seeing how popular her story was, and realizing that there was really very little connecting her story to actual ML canon - just the character names, vague relationships between them, and Easter Eggs nodding to the show via the things being stolen - Hari decided to try her hand at reworking the story into an original work.
And on January 6th that original rework of the story was published!
I haven't had a chance to read my copy yet, but if it's close to the fanfic I already read, then I highly recommend. Best part is that it comes with both an e-book AND paperback option. Yay, physical books!
Thief by Night
By day, Bonnie Duncan is a social media manager, by night, she steals from high society. A consummate multi-tasker, she balances her double-life with ease; bossing it in the boardroom and behind the mask. Until, mid-diamond-heist, she discovers another thief taking the same gem she was ordered to lift and has to take decisive measures. To complicate matters, she soon discovers that she knows the other thief and, worse, he’s handsome and charming. Can she keep her secrets while she uncovers his? Can she resist his charms and stay focused on the job?
You can either request your library get a copy of this story, or you can
pick up your own via Amazon.
As for the other thing, well, you know that
NaNoWriMo project that
Cyhyr asked me to beta read? Well, her edits on that first chapter are done, and she posted it to AO3 late last night/early this morning.
Vesper Scienta wanted nothing more out of life than to make sure her charge and best friend, Prince Aster Amicitia, was happy. She would follow him, always, and keep him safe, as her appointment as Shield dictates she must. She was happy. They were happy.
Then they found the Messengers.
Now she's flitting through time itself, racing against the weakening pulse of the Crystal. It's been almost nineteen years since the Dawn Returned, and the world needs saving again. Vesper just doesn't understand why it has to be her, or why the Messengers separated her and Aster, or why they paired her with the daughter of the Marshal and the son of the King of Light - both from different times.
Time's running out. The star will burn. Raise the dawn, become the night, restore the Crystal.
Vesper just wants to be with Aster again.
I am not even much of a
Final Fantasy fan, and I've never played nor really saw any game footage of FFXV. All I know of these characters I either learned from Cyhyr talking about them, from the posts Cy reblogs on her Tumblr, or from the short-format fanfics Cy has written within this fandom. In other words, I'm going in fairly blind. Which means you can probably trust me when I say you don't need any prior knowledge to enjoy this story. You just feel the intensity of the situation as you follow Vesper. You feel how much she cares for Aster, you become confused and disoriented beside her, you become as frustrated as she does, and you also want to see Aster again. The visceral storytelling and mystery were enough to draw me in, for sure.
So, there you have it: one free read, and a fairly cheap-to-buy one. Hopefully they can tide you over until I can get my own act together.
Maybe I SHOULD force myself to keep writing....
Might be something to reconsider and re-calibrate in time for this Saturday's Lunar New Year.
Mom: "Five years meant I could breathe [the cancer probably wasn't coming back]. Ten years meant I could ease up [on my vigilance]. Fifteen years meant I was probably safe. Twenty years meant it was highly unlikely it would return. Twenty-five years meant I could finally relax."
