Did A Lot Of Thinking; That Counts, Right?

To start, sorry about the late post update. I got caught up on editing and lost track of time. I mean, on the plus side, it means that I have more for you fine folks to read. On the downside, aside from a late blog post, I'm still just editing stuff I wrote back in like March and April. I'll get to that though.

Let's start on that high note: two new stories for you to read. First up is that Lia story I was having issues with last week. Ended up being delayed for no reason. A whole week later and I still don't have the names figured out and updated, so aside from some minor sentence structure editing, this is exactly the same as it was last week. Whoops. Hubby and I are trying to brainstorm, though, and I did spend all week TRYING to come up with new names for everyone. So there's that. Don't know if it counts if I didn't succeed though. Either way, here's Lia's story. First thing starring her that I've written in about a year. Geez. Poor thing.

"Weirdo Among Misfits"

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Next story probably isn't too much of a surprise coming off the heels of a Lia story: a Willow and Devon story. I mean, I was in an X-Future mood the day before, it just seems natural that it would continue into the next practice. Especially with the prompt: "Write about a sideways glance."

"Mutual Teasing"

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I was nervous about that second story. In the past I've been a bit off when writing friends' original characters. And odd thing to admit when I'm a fanfiction writer, but I'd always be close yet still not quite right. I sent Ronoxym "Mutual Teasing" this morning to quickly read over, and I'm so excited by his response.

Ronoxym: "That was actually beautiful. It's nice to just look at the two of them and think about what might have been."

He went on to let me know that Devon was in-character. So... Yay! I win!

Now, if I could just win again by actually having something NEW written, not just polished before being upload to a few websites.

Anyway, as I mentioned, ironically after stating that I was going to take a mini-vacay from writing, I spent a great deal of last Tuesday trying to figure out the new names for everyone. I then realized that I never really rewrote Jamie Madrox to his Glitches version Cody. I put in a great deal of time trying to figure out how his powers worked, but nothing really on Cody himself. Even then, I didn't really solidify what I wanted to do with his powers. The simple way of explaining is that he can use fresh drops of his own blood to create temporary clones of himself. However, there has been a sort of head-canon about Lia that I wanted to bring to Glitches, and I don't know if Cody's way of duplicating himself would lead to that.

See, when I created Lia and luck of the dice decided that she was going to have the same exact powers as her mother, but none of her father's, I then unintentionally designed Lia so she looks like the spitting image of her mother. It happens. Some kids just pick up a lot of their looks from one parent, and barely any distinguishable traits from the other. However, the more I thought about it, the more appropriate it seemed. Jamie's mutation is the ability to duplicate himself. That's in his DNA. DNA he was now sharing with his daughter. The way that happens is that his DNA is mixed with Amara's. So.... why not having Lia accidentally be a clone of her mother? Birthed naturally? Jamie's DNA mixes with Amara and, instead of duplicating himself, Jamie's mutation actually duplicates Amara. Jamie's body doesn't recognize it as a duplicate since Lia has Amara's DNA, not Jamie's so he doesn't re-absorb her like his other dupes. Amara's body doesn't have the mutation that would have her re-absorb her duplicate. Er go, no one realizes the natural cloning.

I personally think it's a neat bit of trivia, however, if Cody's powers requires him to use blood to duplicate, can it still work? Could his mutation still mix with Keahi's DNA upon conception of Lia? Could maybe that mutation use Keahi's blood via the umbilical cord/placenta to accidentally turn her freshly fertilized egg into a naturally growing clone?

Fun thought exercise, but it brings me back to the same issue: I'm too focused on Cody's powers and not enough on his actual character. I also still need to figure out Neo-Mystique for Devon's mother. She most likely won't come up until much, much, MUCH later in the series, but basic information about her might pop up in the meantime.

So, that's what I've been doing this week. No writing, but a lot of thought exercises to try to figure out and lock down the last of the Marvel-property rewrites into originals. While I'm at it, I realized that a lot of Lucas Kinney that made him who he is consists of elements I'm not bringing over to "Glitches": a naturally conceived/born child of a clone, time travel, knowing how he's going to die thanks to the time travel, his toughening as a youth plus his establishing the institute as his home thanks to multiple organizations wanting to capture and experiment on him, and the fact that he's pseudo-related to Wolverine as the man's artificial grandson. I tried to fix some of it by having my version of Wolverine rescuing Lucas from government-sanctioned experimentation, and then being a surrogate father. Still, there was just too much characterization I couldn't bring over. So, I might do with Lucas Kinney what I did with Marvel's intellectual property: use it as a base as I create my own version. 

As much as it pains me to do so, because the catalyst for wanting to write "Glitches" in the first place was to revive him, but I might have to do the same with Phfylburt's other character Lincoln as well. Part of his confusion and feeling lost is because he was part mutant, part Inhuman, and part fairy. He didn't know what race he was because he was a mix of non-human races raised by humans. On top of that, he had a disembodied voice constantly with him that only he could hear, and yet the voice was adamant that it wasn't a split personality or Lincoln's imagination. Darwin was positive that he had a separate soul and was somehow locked within Lincoln's body, even if neither of them knew how or when that happened.

Lincoln is just such a beautiful character with such depth and complexity. It's no wonder I mourned for so long after Phfyl killed him off. I can only hope for readers to be as connected to my stories. Even so, things like mythical creatures being real and a race of half-human/half-alien hybrids is getting too close to the Marvel realm again for my comfort. "Glitches" is going to be INSPIRED by Marvel's X-Men, not a complete rip-off of it. So, how do I tweak Lincoln to ignore the Inhuman and fairy sides of him? How do I explain his confusion when he discovered that his powers and mutation wasn't simply because he was Inhuman, it was because he's also part mutant and part fairy? How do I explain his irregular upbringing due to his father being the mute leader of the Inhumans; a man forced to have multiple wives so that each of the different subraces of Inhumans felt properly represented within the royal family?

Even if I could figure any of that stuff out, I haven't spoken to Phfyl in over a year after he slipped off the grid. I wouldn't feel right unless I went over the changes to Lincoln with him. As it is, redesigning Lincoln - but keeping his wings, his anxiety, and Darwin - still feels a bit too close to comfort for me. I know that if one of my friends took Willow, Lia, Trish, Jolene, or Amara, tweaked them so they were slightly different than they are now, but kept them mostly whole, I'd feel weird if I didn't OK it. There's a reason why authors tend to hate the movie/TV show adaptations of their characters unless the author had a hand in the change. These are our babies. If you change one thing about them, it's no longer them.

This is why I'm so nervous about keeping people in-character. If I even had one glance, one gesture, one bit of dialogue, even one word wrong and out-of-character then it shakes the foundation of the character for the creator.

I have time to figure out the Lincoln situation though, so I have some more brain exercises to do. Perhaps when I'm closer to being ready to roll Neo-Lincoln out I'll get back in touch with Phfyl.

OK. Enough X-Future/Glitches stuff. You pretty much have the idea of what I was doing this week in regards to that. However, since I really DIDN'T do any writing this week, I decided to use my break to finish my reading.

I didn't manage to complete "The Dark Prophecy" by Rick Riordan before the end of May, but I did complete it on Sunday, so I guess that's something. Only three days late. I also started up my June book already. It can either bump "Ready. Set. Novel!" off the "Red on the Cover" category, or it can fulfill the "Takes place in the UK" category. But first, let's check out my challenge thus far:

Challenge by Reading Books Like a Boss

OK, so, real quick before talking about my latest book read, a reflection on "The Dark Prophecy." All-in-all, I am enjoying the book series, but it's closer to "The Kane Chronicles" than Riordan's other works in regard to over-all enjoyment.

He did so well with the Percy Jackson series, and Heroes of Olympus. He's doing amazing with the Magnus Chase series. I don't know why he seemed off his game with the Kane Chronicles or Trials of Apollo. I think it's kind of the same issue though.

In The Kane Chronicles, you have Sadie and Carter Kane. They are practically polar opposites of each other despite being siblings. Sadie is arrogant, but has some redeeming qualities. However her magical prowess makes her seem a bit overpowered despite Riordan's attempt to explain the restrictions Sadie has on her magical reserves. Then there's Carter who can have random bursts of power but mostly tries to use his brain to strategize ways to conquer their problem. While I liked Carter more than Sadie, and they are both fully developed characters, for me, Carter seemed a bit underwhelming. I mean, these two didn't really leave much of an impact on me. I had to look up their names to make sure I remembered them correctly. When I put the book down, I could go days without going back to the story, and when I did I'd have to start the reading session by re-reading the last page or so of the previous chapter to remind myself where I stopped. I could barely put down any of the other book series Riordan wrote....

Then there's the Trials of Apollo. Apollo basically is Sadie's arrogance in Carter's lackluster build. Apollo was transformed into a hero, so he can't really do much of anything unless he has random blasts of godly power, so he mostly whines about how things were when he was still a god, pine over his multitude of lost loves, and strategize to try to find a non-combative way to solve problems. Then there's Apollo's companion and human master during his trials to regain his godhood: Meg. Meg is Carter's soft-spoken, near-forgetability wrapped in Sadie's near deus ex machina power set. Somehow these characters are likable, but I'm not passionate about them like I am with all of Riordan's other characters.

Heck, half the time I like Magnus Chase's sword Jack more than Apollo and Meg. This breed of hero just doesn't work for me, but that's not to say they aren't lovable to others. Like I said, they are well-rounded, and Apollo is redeeming his arrogant ways as he quickly realizes how hard it is to be a human, let alone a demigod.

Still, I liked the Egyptian gods Anubis, Bast, and Bes far more than I like Sadie and Carter. I liked the Karpoi Peaches more than Apollo and Peaches' owner Meg. I couldn't really see much difference between Josephine and Emmie in "The Dark Prophecy," and had to frequently go back and re-read to figure out who said what and who was where, because the women blended together for me.

The biggest disappointment for me? Leo. He was totally my boy in the Heroes of Olympus, and even after my week of feeling gross ended I still felt like Leo wasn't "himself" anymore. It was like someone was ghostwriting Leo for Riordan, and didn't quite hit the mark. As I mentioned above, the slightest change to a character can completely change the character, which is why I'm so nervous about Lincoln.

I don't want to discourage anyone, though. Like I said, some characters speak to me because of my own personality and upbringing, and others just don't click. It's the same to other readers as well. I might find Meg lackluster, while you might find her the most beautifully written character with a quiet strength holding her up against an emotional trauma that would normally crumble other 12yr olds. On the flipside, you might find Jack the sword from the Magnus Chase series an unnecessary and annoying plot device.

Now, as for my new book for June, well? I'm not sure about it yet. The dust jacket makes the story sound promising, which is why I picked it up in the first place, but then I started reading it.....

"Half Bad" by Sally Green is the first of a trilogy; very first novel that Green ever wrote. You can read the jacket copy on the linked site, but the overview of even that is that Nathan is a witch trying to find his father, but his father is dangerous and Nathan is caged and watched. Like I said, the concept seems so cool.

Still not sure about the actual writing of it though. Each chapter is short. Super short. Like a scene. The very first chapter barely fills a page, the second is only three paragraphs. The thing that threw me off the most though was that the entire book is in second person. An odd choice that brought Green lots of praise for her skilled use of it.

It's too odd for me, though. It's weird, having everything make ME the main character - the point of the "you" pronoun in second-person - is actually disconnecting me from the book. I'm not Nathan. It's hard for me to suspend disbelief far enough to get past the fact that I'm not Nathan. However, if the book was in first person or even third, my extreme empathy would let me connect with Nathan so much easier.

I'm an odd duck.

Four chapters in, sixteen pages, nearly done with the first part out of a six-part novel, and Nathan's hand was nearly burned off by acid. You'd think that would be enough of a hook. Yet, I'm like "alright, well, let's see this through...." I'll keep you posted on my progress. I'm hoping I can get over the weird narrative POV, because the story, if it were in a more traditional 1st or 3rd person, would have gripped me hard by now.

OK, well, it's now WELL past when I would normally post my blog update, so I should probably start prepping for writing group now. Save something to say for next week.

A Rant About X-Future

This update is going to be hard for me. All I want to do is turn off my brain and not look at a computer screen. Yet, here I am.

I'm surprised actually. Not so much that I'm writing this blog, but that I have to struggle so hard to do so.

This past week has been just a repeat of the previous ones: Go to work, be run ragged by the lack of staffing in the start of our busiest season, come home exhausted, pissed off, and emotionally drained, veg on the couch to try to ignore the rest of the world exists, and lose track of what day it even is.

There was no motivation there for anything - aside from playing a little more Lego Marvel Superheroes. Once again I had no drive to do any writing or research. I was doing the bare minimum to avoid Zero Days. Even with my sermon about bite-size tasks turning in to full project completion, I haven't really been able to do so myself.

I was able to accomplish NOTHING during my two days off this past week. Two days off in a row. TWO. I essentially had the equivalent of a weekend off for the first time in maybe a year. I did minimal cleaning, crocheted a teeny bit, The Bard crashed Friday in to late Saturday, and we more-or-less marathoned Lego Marvel Superheroes the full 24-hrs he was over.

Sunday I actually fell asleep just about when I got home. I even napped a little before work. I was still exhausted. Go figure. However, Sunday was also the start of me kicking my butt in gear with my slacking off with writing.

About a month ago I had a strong desire to continue work on the collab project Ronoxym and I were writing about Devon and Willow. Sadly, I can't actually CONTINUE the story since I have no clue where Ron wants to go with it. Yet he hasn't touched the story since March; maybe even end of February. Anyway, I had already edited the "inside Devon's head" portion we've written, but there were still 12pages before that. So I started editing those too.

That's what gave me Non-Zero days since Sunday. I've been slowly re-reading and editing the rest of the story. It's a slow start, but it's something. It gets me in the "how to edit a second draft" mindset; which is a process I need more practice in since I rarely do second drafts of anything. At the same time it got my writing juices mildly flowing again as I try to rework sections of our story.

That's the main reason I'm so surprised at my deep, DEEP desire to ignore all things writing and needing of brain function. I was all proud of myself for getting back in to the writing swing of things. I was getting excited about working on this post.

Then Phfylburt happened.....

For those who might not recall, Phfylburt is one of my husband's friends who is a prominent player on the X-Future boards. Hubby may be the Game Master of the board - in charge of all things plot-wise - but Phfyl is one of the main Storytellers. Hubby and Phfyl routinely bounce plot ideas back and forth in order to come up with some of the most intriguing story points in the game. Phfyl is one of the people I wish to work with in rebooting X-Future as a webcomic.

Still looking for artists, by the way....

Anyway, despite last night I do still wish to work with him on a webcomic reboot, but at the same time he's the reason I don't wish to write at all.

The reasoning is super spoilerific for the X-Future story, so please just quickly scroll on down if you don't want any spoilers. I made sure to keep the spoiler part inside a blocked quote so it's easy to see what part to avoid.

***SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT***
*****DO NOT READ IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS*****
**ONE LAST WARNING THAT THIS SECTION HAS SPOILERS**

Just before I was ready to go to bed Hubby noticed that someone had posted on the X-Future Facebook group for the first time since early MARCH. In fact, it was the first time ever someone besides ME posted in the group - everyone else usually just responds to my posts.

Anyway, what was said new post?
It was Phfyl stating simply: "I am a monster. Of this I am aware."
I knew INSTANTLY that he meant Lincoln. My beloved and favorite character on the board: Lincoln. My heart started racing and I sprinted to my computer. Hubby chuckled at my concern for the character and told me I didn't want to read.

However, he warned me with that little playful chuckle in his voice. He'd usually do this to spook me as a prank. Typically if he warned me I didn't want to read or watch something with that playful chuckle it meant either a) nothing bad happened at all and he just wanted to freak me out, or b) something bad did happen, but it was mostly angsty feels that weren't so bad aside from me going "I NEED TO CUDDLE THAT CHARACTER!"

Since I was told to check out Lincoln's journal first I figured the later would happen. Phfyl would be a monster because he came up with a new mental or emotional torture for his little character. I was fully expecting to read what was posted and then find SOME way to get Lia over to Lincoln to comfort him. Hell, I had been trying that for weeks now, but more on that later.

I went to the Lincoln's Journal thread and saw simply: [Page had been torn out]
I was like "WTF? Why bother posting in that thread if it's just gonna say that a page was ripped out of the book?" I then saw the post in Lincoln's bedroom and thought maybe there was context there. Perhaps the bedroom had some narrative to explain what Lincoln wrote, and why it was torn out of the journal.

Nope. Still no clue why the page was ripped out...

Instead I ended up switching gears as I got excited about possible character advancement. One part of the bedroom post seemed to suggest that Darwin - the voice inside Lincoln's head that has been heavily implied to be a separate being of some sort - was able to unexpectedly take over control of Lincoln's body for a moment.

Lincoln was all Emo-Boy once again. Darwin was trying to cheer him up, and then demanded that he get out of bed and talk to someone. Lincoln refused, but bolted upright anyway. This was where I got excited and thought that Darwin somehow figured out how to take control of Lincoln's body. I even thought that perhaps this was what Phyfyl meant. Perhaps he was a monster because Lincoln got bumped out of his own body; sorta.

You could tell by the way he talked towards Lincoln that Darwin had a brotherly sort of love towards him, but Darwin also couldn't resist tormenting and teasing him. Perhaps Phyfyl's monster comment was regarding a grand reveal in which Darwin was really some villain. It actually just happened on the boards in which a supposed best friend turned out to be a sleeper spy. We also have a villain who literally head-hops, and so Darwin "living" in Lincoln's head wouldn't be too far fetched.

Maybe now that Darwin knew how to control Lincoln's body he'd create mischief in Lincoln's place. The groundwork was already there. Lincoln got depressed again because he got in a fight with Tyler, and got the two of them and Crystal thrown in to a detention session. Darwin wouldn't have needed to do much to create more hell for Lincoln and possibly bring the X-Men down from the inside; an ongoing theme it seems.

Then the rooftop scene blindsided me.

Darwin was driving Lincoln to finally go talk to someone - especially after the whole "Did I just control you?!" part. Lincoln agreed at first, but decided to finally use his newly healed wings instead of walking throughout the school. I was again excited for him. So much potential can be had in this character and I was so happy that he could possibly be happy again after being able to fly once more.

Except Lincoln randomly turned for the worst. He motions to talk to his mom - whom he had just found a week before after a lifetime of searching for her - but abruptly declares that there's no way she could help him. He then thanks Darwin for being a friend and begins a spell. Darwin recognizes the spell but can't do anything to stop Lincoln. He calls out for help, but being a voice inside a kid's head no one can hear him. At least, not fast enough.

Lincoln completes his spell and almost instantly combusts. Yup. Phfyl KILLED Lincoln! Just offed him! Had the kid commit suicide out of nowhere! What's worse is HOW he did it. The kid is now splattered guts, a jawless skull, and wings painting the roof of the Xavier Institute. Grotesque! It was pretty much an "Eff you guys, there's no way we can bring Lincoln back."

See, in the Marvel Universe - especially with the canon character we recently brought in to the fold: Elixir - characters rarely stay dead. Hell, more often than not a character's heart will be pierced and they will actually DIE, but then Elixir will come by and heal said character. Good as new and capable of fighting another day. If we REALLY wanted to, in theory I'm sure we could have found a way to revive both William and Liam. Hell, Hubby's waiting for the opportune time to reveal that two different deceased characters are revived.

But then there's Phfyl's masterpiece. He sure as hell made sure NOTHING was gonna revive that puppy.

Alright, now for some buffer text so that people who skipped the spoiler above won't accidentally see anything as they go back to reading the blog... if they ARE still reading the blog. Anyway, the non-spoiler section is where I'll explain why this event made me not want to write this update, as well as touch back upon my earlier statement about Lia and cuddles.

**END OF SPOILERS*END OF SPOILERS*END OF SPOILERS**
*IF YOU SKIPPED THE SPOILERS YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW*
**NO MORE SPOILERS. FEEL FREE TO READ AGAIN BELOW.**

Anyway...
So the above happened and let's just say it blindsided and dumbfounded me. Phfyl just devastated me with the mildest of warnings, and when I called him on it and asked for a reason he simply reposted what he said in the Facebook group.

I was a wreck. It completely ruined everything for me. I was finally getting back in to the forum - one of the few remaining players - and now I don't want to look at it.

I'm slowly playing through a mission as Willow, but I think I'll just have Hubby relay over what he did, and then have him post my responses so I don't have to bring the board up. I even hid the link in my favorites bar so I wouldn't be tempted.

I have no real clue what to do with Crystal - Hubby keeps reminding me that she's technically an NPC, and so I don't have to do anything with her; just respond as her - but I REALLY have no clue what to do with Crystal now. I have no idea how she's gonna react. It could go one of about ten ways!

So, I'm down Crystal. I've also been down Trish since January. I had already "lost" one of my favorite characters because Ron is still MIA.
He's never on the boards, and he has two characters keeping a third one sort of locked in a role play that he has to finish up. So even if Ron ever DID hop on the boards, Hubby would slaughter him if he role played "the past" with Trish; since the Brotherhood section hasn't been caught up with the "current" timeline it's still considered "pre-time-skip". Since - as I just mentioned - The Brotherhood hasn't been caught up - aka: nothing past "Rescue Trish Mission" posted yet - and since I can't role play with Ron's characters Devon or Nys - again, as mentioned, Hubby would slaughter him - the only way I can do anything with Trish is to do solo-plays. What was Trish doing during the two years skipped on the boards? Trick there is I'm not really sure; hence not posting as her even though I wanted to.

I temporarily lost my favorite character until the board advances far enough - which isn't gonna happen any time soon since no one goes on to role play anymore - and I can't think of what to do with another character who MIGHT be able to advance things, mainly because the people she'd most likely interact with don't really frequent the boards at all anymore. So if I tried any sort of role playing with them she'd be just as stuck as Phfylburt's one character who is waiting for Devon and/or Nys to do ANYTHING.

Then there's Lia.
My first character. She used to be my main character. She's taken a backseat to Willow - whom Hubby claims is mostly my personality which is probably why she became my new main - and to Trish. Lia's broken and emo-rific. She's really struggling emotionally right now, and that's one of the main reasons I haven't done anything with her for a month. I'm not really sure what she'd do next.

Part of me thinks she'll just want to hide in bed for a few more days, but would Ripley, Chayse, Willow, or even Lia's dad allow her to isolate herself like that? Would they be understanding that she needed space? Would Crystal's wonderful bluntness show itself by way of telling Lia to suck it up and get over it? Option two would be that Ripley was able to cheer her up enough to at least shower and leave her room. But where to? Probably to grab something to eat, but at the same time I feel like Lia might be all "I'm too depressed to eat anything" and just poke at the food regardless of her stomach's protest of the fasting. Lincoln has also been in a rough patch lately - although Lia DID miss the small stint of his wings being hindered - and I REALLY wanted to have Lia and Lincoln sort of interact more. Emo Corner Twins Unite!

I think this is why I'm most pissed off at Phfyl. I wanted Lincoln to be sort of Lia's Last Hope. She's on the breaking point right now and needs some sort of way of redeeming herself. Lincoln could have been that option for redemption. The two of them could talk and interact and maybe life would be able to get better for Lia. She'd stop being so emo and I'd have a useable character again.

Instead, what Phfyl did pretty much nails Lia's coffin. I really don't see a way for her to bounce back. There's been too much drama, turmoil, emotional dive-bombs, death, and betrayal for a 17-yr-old to handle. Too much for even Ripley to fix. Now, because of one super stupid thing that Phfyl did, I feel like I have no choice but to retire Lia.

I need away from the forum for a while. Maybe I'll think of a better resolution, but right now I'm just seeing Lia throwing up her hands, shouting "NOPE! I'M DONE HERE!", and packing to move back home to Long Island. Screw you all!

I can't even express how much last night's solo-play upset me.

It felt like it came out of nowhere. Phfyl hadn't really been on the boards for a few weeks - partially because his one character waiting on Ron to do something - and when he returns he does THAT!? It seems so cheap. Kinda lazy, actually. And there was so much story potential lost now. It's just gone! So many questions left unanswered. That pisses me off.

There was also emotional turmoil for MYSELF there. I wept. By god, I was a MESS last night. I yelled. I sobbed. Legit SOBBED. I ranted. I was PISSED! I was inconsolable as I stormed around the house. I tried to get my mind off of it by going through my FB notifications, but I couldn't focus. I tried to work more on my crocheting, but I kept losing count. Hubby tried to cheer me up with some humorous shows off of Netflix. Eventually he gave up and we did just go to bed.

Yet I continued to rant. I continued to call out how stupid of a move Phfyl made, and how pissed off I was at him for doing so. I then vented that I felt guilty about being so mad at Phfyl because I didn't want Hubby to see me so anguished and then HE'D hate Phfyl for pulling such a stupid stunt - and therefore ruining my night. I was then even ANGRIER at Phfyl for making me feel guilty about the possibility of Hubby also hating him - me for the stupid move on the board and Hubby for pissing me off so royally.

I couldn't sleep. I was just so irritated by what Phfylburt did on the board that I couldn't turn off my brain. I went from being infuriated to depressed to calculating any minute possibility that we could reverse his moronic move.

I hoped that Phfyl would at least explain to me why he did what he did.
Did he have a master plan? He and Hubby usually do. Some intense over-arcing plotline that would take this imbecilic play and make it EPIC in the long run.
Was he just bored and figured "eh, why not?" I'd still hate the decision, but I'd at least UNDERSTAND it.
Did he feel that he was taking on too much with the boards and wanted a way to cut back? Again, I'd be pissed at how he went about doing so, but I'd get it.
Hell, I was so agitated by the post that - even though I HATE this trope - I was even hoping for a "it was all just a dream" sort of scenario explanation from Phfyl.
Instead he answered my "Why'd ya do it!?" with a repost of what he said on the FB group, with the addition of a devilish grin.

That just made me more pissed.

I guess that's just the power of well-written characters. Phfyl - although an almost crucial player on the board - doesn't actually post all that much. We see his characters slowly grow, but at the same time it's quick since there aren't many posts to go off of. There aren't many interactions with his characters. They mostly hide in the background of the action and drama that mostly centers around my characters - since I tend to be on the boards most frequently and have the highest amount of active characters.

And yet this one simple post was able to emotionally strike me like nothing else has in a while. The last time I felt so many conflicting emotions was about 4yrs ago. It's personal family stuff so I won't get in to the details, but it was REAL LIFE and REAL PEOPLE that got me so flustered that I would quickly flip-flop back and forth between angered and depressed. This is only the SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE that I was this uneasy about something... and this time it was about a FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN A FICTIONAL WORLD!

So, let's pause a moment to give props to Phfylburt for writing so expertly. And then give him a Dead Arm for the same reason.

Anyway, my ranting about this can go on for another couple-dozen paragraphs, and this post is already epic. I think I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll continue in a double-post today. Either that, or save it for a post for next week. Regardless, if I do continue I swear it will be a little more soul-searching and a little less straight out ranting.

So much for "I didn't want to look at a computer for a while", huh?

Revivals and Challenges

"The Year Flew By" by NaBHaN

Guess who's still alive!

Geez, have I really been gone for two months!? So sorry for that, folks. I do have to say that I appreciate the constant check-in views though. 12,799 hits since I started this blog. That's so exciting. Good to know that I'm not forgotten.

Life's been crazy, and I'm sorry you guys had to pay the price of no-updates. Thankfully, Ali Luke came to my Facebook page and gave me a swift kick in the butt, so here I am! I'll touch more on that in a few, but first how about a recap of my life since last post?

Thanksgiving came and went with not much fanfare. Hubby and I had turkey sandwiches at home after working. Then we went down to my mom's to spend Saturday with her extended family - a family tradition of ours where her siblings all come together the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

Hubby's 30th that following Monday was hardly as much of a blow-out as I had hoped. Maddog24, his wife 2 Feathers and their daughters, and a small handful of Hubby's friends made an appearance. Sadly, even with a little bit of a heads up most of The Gang couldn't make it to a party on a Monday. They periodically stopped by throughout December and wished him a happy birthday when they could, so that was nice.

December then flew by in a fury of work and my crocheting to frantically attempt to FINALLY finish up the baby blanket for my niece. Guess what! I actually completed it! Sure, I was literally finishing it at my sister-in-law's house on Christmas... but it's done and my niece seemed to enjoy it!

Crocheting all of this was such a pain, and I had to
custom design the owls, which is why they
look so goofy...

The owl pattern fabric I picked out for the
backing of the blanket.

Close-up of the owl fabric backing. Niece's bedroom is covered
in these owls.

The finished project on my sis-in-law's futon.
Yay, finishing it at her house! :-P

I flipped the backing over to make a boarder. I'm happy how it
came out, even if I did have to hand-stitch the whole thing.

Another close-up of the finished product.

I did manage to get another X-Future chapter done about mid-December. It's a fluffy one: dates between Chayse and Lia as well as Nix and Annika. If you haven't seen it yet, you can read the chapter on DeviantArt or on Fanfiction.

Random side note about December:
Just before Christmas my sister was talking to my eldest cousin who apparently told her that he reads this blog. D'aww, cool beans! <3
She continued to tell me that he finds my writing amazing even though "he doesn't quite understand it". I had to chuckle at that.

So, Cous', thanks for stopping by and reading my works, even if you don't quite follow all of my geeky references to Hey Arnold, X-Men, Legend of Zelda, or other video games/animes. The fact that you find my blog still interesting enough to read through means so much to me.

And now we're back....

New Years was quiet since both Hubby and I had to be at work at about 6am New Years day. We had the next day off though, so we celebrated by going to a local showing of Frozen. I'm obsessed with this movie! If you haven't seen it yet and have an opportunity... do so! I've listened to the soundtrack just about daily since. I also managed to watch a second showing with my sister and my very pregnant bestie!

I knew that the home stretch of 2013 was going to be rough. I had every intention of getting back in to gear once 2014 hit. I didn't really hit any of the resolutions I set for 2013. In fact, the year was sort of dismal when it comes to writing. I had the intention of making 2014 as good for writing as 2012 was.

Clearly, that hasn't happened yet. But Chinese New Year is this upcoming Friday, and I like to use that as a "take two" on the calendar new years. With Ali's help - as well as an equal amount of prodding from ChibiSunnie and DarkAngel1326 - I'm sure I can get back on track.

So let's backtrack to the 21st of this month. As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, Ali had stopped by my Facebook page.

Ali: *prod* Hey, we're missing you in the Huddle's Winter Challenge! No excuses -- I'll accept a teeny tiny weekly target if needs be...

How could I turn that down? So, for the first time since the summer challenge I made my way back to Writers’ Huddle. I decided that my weekly goal for the next six weeks is to get 8hrs of writing in a week, some of which would be used to start doing these weekly updates once again - the rest obviously used for fiction work. I think I aimed a touch too high though. This week I only managed about five hours. I'll have to try to rework my schedule for this upcoming week, I guess.

As with the summer challenge, the winter one also has weekly mini-challenges to try to help shake things up. This week's mini-challenge is to "get comfy". You guys know as well as anyone that I'm constantly complaining about just that. One of the main reasons my writing - and beta reading - took a nosedive last year was because my netbook died on me, and I'm just not comfortable writing at my desktop.

So this past Thursday when Hubby went to use my desktop to play a computer game that his laptop couldn't handle I decided we could just switch. I curled up on the couch with the intent to work on this blog - or any other sort of writing - on his laptop. Well, earlier in the week I had a dream based on X-Future. I'm obsessed, I know. Over the course of the week I was writing out what I remembered about the dream, and I wanted to finish that off first. I broke out the journal I was writing in during work breaks and about 2 1/2hrs later I had a completed one-shot based off of that dream. I ended up not using the laptop, but I was still comfy and I had over two hours of writing. The last time I did that was when I updated as Willow on January 8th: 3hr writing session on the forum! Yes!

Want to see the fruit of my labor? It's spoiler-free and you don't really need to know much about X-Future to get the story! WIN! Anyway, you can check it out on DeviantArt here, or on FanFiction here.

I tried the "get comfy" again yesterday. I swiped Hubby's laptop and curled up in bed for about four hours. I managed to type up the handwritten dream-inspired story. I then sat un-inspired to write. I finally gave up and went over to the couch again. That's where I wrote this. I guess the "snuggle in bed to write" bit only worked with the netbook. The laptop is too big I guess.

With any luck I can use this winter challenge to get back in to that much needed rhythm and routine. Catch you guys next week. For Reals.

Writing Mostly For X-Men, But Writing A Lot!

I'm addicted again.

I really should just never go near forums. They are most certainly my drug. Especially forums where I'm telling a story.

Just about every bit of my free time this week was spent on the X-Men RPG yet again. Maybe celestialTyrant is right. I have an illness and I need an intervention.....

Granted, with me working in a grocery store and Memorial Day coming up tomorrow, there aren't too many hours of free time this week. So it isn't as bad as The Week of Feels the forum had at the end of March. Still, there have been BOOKS written as of late.

As I mentioned last week, after the month time jump in the game occurred multiple characters started up journals to sort of capture what happened over that month.

Lincoln's journal is about four pages long as he deals with the chaos of not really knowing what he is, why he's at the Xavier institute, who his mother is, the awkwardness of being a teen, and the possibility of being gay.

Whoops, there goes all the Lia/Lincoln shipping!




Funny side comment about that. Aside from commenting here about the possibility of shipping the two of them together - or at least having the love triangle between Lia, Lincoln, and Ripley - there is nothing posted ANYWHERE about the possibility of Lia liking Lincoln or the other way around. Yet, Tyler's player seems to have read the same "signs" as I did when it came to how Lia and Lincoln interacts. He asked me in a private message "So, uh, Lincoln wants to date Lia?" I responded that I had no clue what Lincoln's player had in mind; the two of us don't talk, we just let the characters interact on the boards. Lo and Behold, not even 12hrs later Lincoln's player posted a very confused Lincoln contemplating the possibility of him having a crush on his male professor. HAHA! Timing! Whoo!
Still, I find it amusing that Lincoln's player never even thought of him and Lia being together, and yet at least Tyler's player and I thought there was groundwork there. HAHA. I guess it's the same thing as Devon's player not realizing he was setting up Devon and Nys for a relationship.

Anyway, back to the journals. Tyler went on for a little over six pages about his training at the institute and recording his first solo album - since the character was originally a member of an Irish boyband. One of the pages was dedicated to a song he wrote for the NPC I control Crystal. The two of them are so adorable together! I really like Crystal, which is unfortunate. More on that in a little bit.

First, I want to say that I used Tyler's entries to figure out what Crystal was doing over the month jump, especially since as this huge fangirl she'd be following Tyler around campus like a lost puppy. I of course put my own 14yr-old fangirl spin on the events and rambled on a bit. Her journal is a whopping eight full pages of gushing over Tyler. It worked out well, actually. Tyler's player would read Crystal's journal and create his next entry based off of her and I'd do the same. It was fun feeding off each other like that. I also discovered that Crystal is VERY frank and finds Lia to be a wonderful older-sister figure, but also a bit of a moron.

I then did the same with Lia. In her attempt to try to get over Chayse I had her hanging out with mostly Tyler and Crystal, and so I used their journals to figure out what she had been doing. I also through in some "I'll never find love again" angst and added in some scenes with Lincoln and Ripley. The last two was mostly to lay the groundwork in case Lincoln did end up growing a crush on Lia, plus explaining where Ripley's came from. With the added characters to interact with and all the emo-angsty-lovesickness, Lia tops the charts with a wonderful nine full pages.

I didn't write one out for Willow, and I'm still debating if I even want to. However, I am excited to convert Lia's and Crystal's journals in to prose for my anthology. I swear to god I am working on that... sorta....

Anyway, I've started up a new writing tactic a few weeks ago. For the life of me, while I'm at the desktop I just cannot focus on writing with Hubby talking to his friends or watching TV. In other words, if I'm not in complete silence, which never happens while he's home.

So I've gone in the opposite direction. I drown everything else out by blasting music through headphones. Poor guy has to communicate with me through tossing things in my line of view to signal he wants to talk; either that, or send me Facebook messages. But he also seems to understand, so I'm thankful for that.

The reason I bring this up is that lately all these songs I've been listening to have been connecting to different aspects of the game, much like how it used to happen with the Hey Arnold story I was working on. Geez, anyone even remember I have that story?




Anyway, one of the songs I was really focusing on was "What Have You Done" by Within Temptation.

The first time I heard the song and I thought of the forum I originally thought it was a song Willow was singing with Devon. Sort of an anguished star-crossed lovers thing. Willow upset about the supposed betrayal, Devon following Brotherhood orders so he could get in deeper and find out more about his past, both having to attack each other even though they don't wish to battle.

Then, when the whole Willow and Chayse coupling came up, and the Devon x Nys ship, the song didn't seem to fit. Even to this day I feel Willow telling me that deep down there is STILL some sort of something for Devon that would prevent her from seriously injuring him. She still finds him a kindred spirit. But the song still doesn't really fit as star-crossed lovers anymore.

A few weeks ago I saw a fan video to the song using siblings that were forced to attack each other; sibling rivalry at it's most raw. The song fit wonderfully! Change the paradigm so the line "hurt the one I love" means familial love and not romantic love and there's so much there! That's when I realized that it is still Willow singing, but it's now her and **SPOILER**.

I get so excited whenever I hear this song now. I know that eventually the game will have Devon somehow return to the X-Men and then there'd be that confrontation between Willow and that spoiler character. I'm anxiously awaiting that story arc scene.

Aside from minor plot and character development elements, why am I telling you guys all of this? Well, because of what I said above about sadly really liking Crystal.

The more I listened to this song on Thursday the more and more I truly heard the anger in the line "What have you done now!?" This isn't just Willow wondering why a family member is now one of the villains. Willow is beyond PISSED at this character. This family member did something unthinkable and Willow loses all hope that redemption is possible. She's forced to face the inevitable; the family member has to be taken out. No matter what.

So, what is this "beyond the point of saving" act? Sadly, I think it might be killing off Crystal.

The villains were re-introduced after the 2yr time skip by having them attack Crystal and Chayse had to come to the rescue. I now fear that the story may have to have them succeed.

Originally, I thought the Brotherhood was attacking as an attempt to force Crystal to come with them. However, before Hubby gave her over to me to control, he had Crystal state that the Brotherhood was "afraid" of her powers. Plus they mostly fight The Purifiers - an organization of humans bent on eradicating mutants - so Crystal's ability to turn off mutant powers would only be of limited use as part of their roster.

On the other hand, much like the X-Men canon character Leech, Crystal's powers to negate other mutations could be of GREAT use to the Purifiers and other anti-mutant groups. They could try to dissect her and figure out what part of her code "turns off" the x-gene; using it as a weapon to finally remove the gene completely.

Therefore, I think the Brotherhood's goal was to kill Crystal and have Nys or Pyro dispose of the body before she could be "weaponized"; either that or before the Institute was able to train her enough that she could singlehandedly stop the entirety of the Brotherhood.

So, in other words, poor Crystal is at the Institute for the basic "to learn to train your powers", but she's also being hidden away from society there. Hidden from the Purifiers that might weaponize her, hidden from the Brotherhood that might try to kill her to prevent that from happening, and hidden from mutants that want a "cure".

As much as I'm enjoying playing Crystal, the writer in me cannot deny the great plot potential in killing her. The "weaponizing her powers" is a great story arc opportunity. We're having a few characters coming back from the future soon, and THEY could even attempt to kill off Crystal after discovering that the Purifiers were able to do just that. I mean, Marvel is either just finishing or just finished a similar saga in their comics surrounding the character Hope Summers and her impact on the future. So, it fits Marvel's writing style. Plus, we ignored anything involving Hope in our continuity, so it would be a cool twist to have our own version. Parallel events in a parallel timeline.

On top of the plot potential, there is also so much character development that could erupt from this. Lia, who is already protective of Crystal regardless of how much of a bitch the girl is to her, would most likely go all Mama Bear against the Brotherhood; becoming blood thirsty and craving revenge. She'd probably also become all emo again from not being able to save yet another of her friends from dying.

Tyler, who is meek and has no faith in his strength, would be right beside Lia in getting tunnel vision of taking out the Brotherhood after losing someone so close to him.

Devon would have a major conflict between realizing how "evil" his **SPOILER** is. Can he stay with the person responsible for Crystal's death? Or is this the straw that breaks his back and finally brings him back in to the X-Men fold as he also tries to hunt down Crystal's killer?

And then you have poor Willow finally giving up all hope in "rescuing" her family member as they become mortal enemies.

SOOOOO much can come from one simple death. So now I fear for Crystal as much as I fear for Nys with Trish around and desperate to hurt Devon.

But, I've rambled on about the forum for EVER at this point.

Round of applause for those of you still reading!

Let's move on to my writing course, shall we?
On Tuesday I received the second lesson for Holly Lisle's online course How to Write Flash Fiction That Doesn't Suck.

I haven't really done anything with it. I've been on the forum instead.




I may just delay actively participating in the course until such time as I'm not inspired. This way I don't really take away from all the writing I've been doing anyway for the forum. Plus, I'm still not really on the boards to talk with my "classmates".

The technical issue I had last week was finally figured out. It seems the website goofed up when I signed up, and so I was somehow not registered to be able to use the forum that came with the class. Holly's tech support is amazing and walked me through everything to get set up again! So thanks to her team! Whoot!

Unfortunately, now the entire forum has been having issues, so Holly had to start tearing the board down piece by piece to figure out what's wrong, and then slowly but it all back together. Although this didn't result in the entire forum to go down for a week, it did make me shrug and figure it wasn't worth hitting the boards. Why bother if the first few days I would just be reading other people's posts to try to get aquainted; just for things to be shifted and taken down and the like while I'm trying to do this.

Since next week is the last week of the class I'm not sure if I'll really bother utilizing the forum to help me along. I still have you guys and Writer's Huddle. Plus, I'm sure I will still have access to Holly's boards even after the course is complete, so I could always jump in there after the fact; once I've taken the time to actually work on the flash fiction.

Anyway, this week's "assignment" was to find two ways to escalate the problem we presented in our 150-words-or-less opening. An easy way to do this is to write out the problem sentence of your story again, and then write out two "Complication Sentences". These complication sentences are where you make the character's problem worse, and then worse again in an increasing manner.

Holly accomplished this in an amusing way in her second flash fiction she wrote for the course, and a truly heart-stopping one for the first. I legit want it to be Tuesday so I can read the ending of the first flash fiction she's using as an example.

The main thing I discovered is to not just look at "How can I make this problem worse" but to truly focus on the one word in your problem sentence that is the true issue. For Holly's amusing flash fiction the true problem is "unsatisfied". The character starts off unsatisfied, and after the first event he is still unsatisfied, but after the second event he realizes how truly unsatisfied he is. For Holly's emotional story the issue is the "inability to save". The character is worried about not being able to save something important to him, and after the first event he discovers that he truly couldn't save it, and after the second event not only did he yet again discover that he couldn't save something even more important, but his mother also discovers the pain of not being able to save something important to her.

Holly also pointed out a very important element of flash fiction: "Flash fiction does NOT mean you write it in a flash. It means the reader reads it in a flash." So, whenever you write, always remember that it isn't some sort of timed event. Take your time. Don't worry about getting it right the first time. Just focus on your story, your problem, and your character(s).

Speaking of which, I want to add in that you shouldn't try to force your characters or story to go in a certain direction. I've found on many occasions that if you just let the story flow in the direction it wants to go it's more entertaining to both write and read. For me, stories are like rivers. If you try to force the story to go in a certain direction instead of letting it continue to flow in it's natural course you'll end up with a lot of rough passages. Not to say it's not doable, I mean humanity rechannels rivers all the time, but it takes a whole lot of effort to complete.

When you try to force your story in a certain direction more often than not you end up fighting with the natural flow of your story and the struggle becomes exhausting. Cyhyr knows exactly what I'm talking about. She had massive Writers Block a little while ago when she decreed that her one character needed such-and-such development in order for the story to progress. She tried writing all of these scenes that would sort of force her character to finally achieve a certain maturity point. Her problem was that the sole purpose of these scenes was not to push the story forward, but simply to develop her character. The scenes were essentially pointless, her character fought her, and the whole thing became boring and a headache to write; which ticked her off because "If it's boring for you to write, it will be boring for others to read". She had all but given up on the story because she couldn't seem to get around this roadblock.

As soon as I suggested NOT having the character development the gears seemed to start turning again. I suggested just telling the plot of the story and let her characters develop at their own pace. If the story doesn't end up where she wants it to be because the characters haven't grown as much as she needed she could always go back through the second draft and fix that. Once she has the plot down she can better see where she can plug in character growth scenes. Or she could find out after the fact that the characters will grow and mature on their own and she won't need to plug in those "this is purely for character development" scenes. Because, let's all face it, as great as those scenes are - the moments when the reader truly feels connected to the character(s) - they are essentially the same thing as "filler episodes" of a show.

Another "writer" that has been having a problem with pigeon-holing is Hubby's BFF The Bard Shadow. He's one of the players in the X-Men game. He also hasn't really done anything with his character when he completed him. Because his character didn't turn out the way he wanted, given the intricate backstory Shadow thought of for the character. So, instead of letting the character grow, develop, and alter bits of the backstory that don't fit anymore - because no one really knows the backstory aside from the two of us - he decided that the character isn't "workable" and is sort of giving up. If he just gave up control and thought of characters as living entities instead of just puppets whose sole purpose is to propel the story, well, I'm sure he'd finally have some fun.

Before I go, I want to send you guys off with a reminder that tomorrow is Memorial Day. No, this is not "National Barbecue Day". Please, remember why we have this day. Take at least five minutes to just sit in respectful silence as you reflect about how thankful you are for every man and woman who went in to military service to help protect you.

Script Frenzy? More like Crochet Frenzy.

Well, I somehow managed to fail worse than usual at Script Frenzy. This year I didn't even bother attempting to write anything remotely close to a script!

So, so sorry, ChibiSunnie! She put all this time and effort in to gathering up all the materials again. She was excited about getting back to working on our Hey Arnold The Jungle Movie fanscript. I didn't even read any of the notes she sent me - let alone attempt to write anything.

I'M AN AUNT! <3 My sister-in-law had her baby girl on April 5th! Hubby and I didn't have any money to get her or the baby girl anything for the shower, and so I offered to make her a baby blanket using any pattern of her choosing. It kept her a little bit for her and her husband to decide on a pattern. Then I just could not get the pattern to work for the life of me. I don't know, something about how the pattern is written.... So thankfully she had a second pattern marked off and I've been working on that more-or-less non-stop since the kid was born. Nearly a full month of working and I'm STILL not done with the thing!




So that's why I haven't updated here and why I didn't do Script Frenzy after all. My free-time, much like it was in December when I was making everyone's Christmas gifts, has been overtaken by constant crocheting.

Well, that and more role-playing.

Once again it has taken us about three weeks to finally role-play through a full day. This time it was the aftermath of the one character's death, the arrival of his player's new character, Chayse breaking up with Lia and hooking up with Willow, Lia talking to Hubby's one other character Ripley about the break-up, Willow trying to track Lia down to talk to her about the whole situation, Lia and Lincoln interacting some more, Lia interacting with the one NPC Crystal, and finally introducing Crystal to her idol Tyler - another player's character who was formally a lead in a boy band. It was a busy day!

The boards have been a touch halted for the past few days as we all try to figure out what the new day will bring - or if we just want to do like a week time jump or something.

In the meantime, Devon's player FINALLY finished off his solo role play session and has Devon with The Brotherhood of Mutants. So Hubby started up a new section specifically for The Brotherhood. This means my most talkative character can FINALLY be introduced and played! She's excited. I've been listening to angry alternative rock for the past week or so to help get in to her head.

Although I haven't quite figured out what "the next step" is in role playing any of my girls, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about their future. I recently sent DarkAngel1326 a few scene snippets that I keep having flash in my head. Three of them are for the new chick - one of which is a super fun scene between her and Devon's traveling companion Nys - and one semi-long dialogue between Lia and Ripley. Hubby wants to set things up so that Lia ends up with Ripley now that she's single. However, with the interaction Lia's been naturally having with Lincoln, I almost feel like there's something there. The scene I have between Lia and Ripley is one where she tells him that she chose to be with Lincoln instead, and Ripley calling bullshit because he knows she loves him more than Lincoln.

Although I haven't finished working on the prologue for my Willow story, I still want to get around to posting these snippets. Perhaps I'll start up an anthology of "scraps" - short scenes the characters show me that may or may not actually happen in the role play. I already pseudo started up the file for it over on Fanfiction.net. My issue is trying to figure out how much info my readers will need to know in order to understand the snippets - as well as presenting that info in an entertaining way as a bit of a "Prologue" for the anthology. I'll be sure to post the link when I do eventually set that anthology up.

SPEAKING OF PROLOGUES! Omnibladestrike redid his prologue YET AGAIN. He doesn't have it published anywhere online - that I know of - but I will say that he's certainly improving! Best re-write yet. Hopefully now he'll find the motivation to just keep writing instead of stopping and re-writing. He does seem re-energized and excited this time around! If he posts anything online I'll be sure to link that too.

Also, Delaroux posted on her Facebook page her own little heart-wrenching oneshot about an unrequited love between two of her original characters. It was wonderful, but she still wanted me to beta the story. I don't know where she might be with the rewrite. Anyway, since Cyhyr was visiting I had her also look over the story to see if there's anything I missed.

THE GIRL TORE THE THING APART!


Someone is super hard core when it comes to what she reads! I both would love to have her read my stuff so I know how to best improve, and I'm also terrified to show her my work EVER out of fear of every sentence being shredded apart! I know she's only as harsh as a professional editor would be, and it would be best for my professional writing to have someone so strict critique my work. However, I'm still so unsure if I'm "cut out" for professional writing that I'm kinda scared to have her tell me how crappy my stuff is!




Cyhyr is both my greatest motivator and greatest demoralizer! On the one hand, she's seriously working hard on her first manuscript. She's doing all the things she should: read, read, read, and read some more; writing at least every other day if not daily; writing out her plot so she knows where she's going to avoid Writer's Block; researching a ton; not restarting the story once she realized she was in the wrong POV - she'll instead finish the manuscript and fix the POV problem in the second draft. She's certainly on track to get this manuscript actually completed - quite a task for anyone. So she's certainly motivating me to work right beside her. Seeing her work so diligently and passionately - plus her talking to me about writing - just gets my juices going as I crave to do the same.

All of the above traits also are my biggest source of writing depression. She's younger than me. I watch this younger person working so hard on a manuscript and sticking to it so fully. I know in my heart of hearts that she'll be published before me - if I ever get published at all. Her discipline, motivation, and passion for her story just reminds me that I'm the exact opposite. I don't have an original idea - not really; although there is the Gyateara story. I don't write even close to daily - unless you count the role play. I haven't read a single book since I read Lycopolis back in like October or something. I haven't really taken advantage of The Writer's Huddle; only going on the forum once every few months. I haven't even kept up with this blog. I haven't really shown any true commitment to writing, and if it's what I want to do for the rest of my life I really should have most of my focus on writing. Watching Cyhyr just seems to point out this massive lack of commitment to something I claim is my passion, and that just adds salt to the wound.

We'll just have to see if finishing the blanket and being able to use my free-time to write instead of crochet will help. Perhaps all the anthology of RP scenes will also help me at least write daily. We'll see.

Hopefully, this post will bring me back to my regular updating schedule. Cross your fingers.

OH! One last thing before I go.... in case she's reading....