What is WRONG with me!? It has NEVER taken me so long to write something. Hell, I wrote that birthday gift for BrokenRose24 in like a DAY! And now I can't write a chapter that I've had more-or-less planned out in my head since February!? What is up with that!?
For some reason I'm second-guessing myself. I guess it's an adverse effect to beta reading for such great writers. Speaking of which, quick shout out to Delaroux and her SUUUUPER popular story Something To Return To. As well as Darkangel1326 and her A-MAZE-ING poems.
OK, and now back to me. ^_^
As I was saying, I think the adverse effect of beta reading for these two wonderful women is that I am now second-guessing myself. I know you are your worst critic, but I don't feel like I'm nearly as good as these ladies. I cannot write poetry whatsoever and so anything Darkangel1326 does amazes me. And Delaroux not only writes incredible chapters - which are insanely popular - but she knocks them out in like a day! A day! Her story has NEARLY DAILY UPDATES! She has written more in a month than I've written in a YEAR! Her stuff is intense. She gets great reviews. And although I beta for her - I basically just catch typos and minor plotholes that might sneak through. Therefore, her success is really of no result of my help.
I know fanfiction isn't a competition. I know we're just one big family. I know I have my own faithful readers for god knows what reason. I know when I DO post, I get good reviews. And yet.... I feel like I can't compete with Delaroux.
So now all the groundwork I've laid out in my head over the past ten months is right back out the door. How does Arnold come across this? Why does he think that? How come this doesn't happen? What makes Arnold react this way? Am I putting too much effort in to a chapter-only subplot? So on and so forth.
Back in college when I had difficulties coming up with plots for short stories or scripts that I needed to write for class I would turn to my sweetheart. Granted, he rarely actually gave me ideas, but he would occasionally question my ideas - which would spark more ideas. And he'd question those ideas. Which would help me solidify everything. I needed this sounding board again.
However, this time, my husband didn't really know what to say. No input really. *sigh* I put the word out on Facebook that I'm looking for a beta. I got a girl who offered, but I'm throwing a LOT at her, and she has a life, so it takes her a week or two to get back to me. She did start up the "writer's spark" with some of her questions, but that just got the ball rolling for me to think up even MORE scenarios and questions. She hasn't responded yet.
And so I think I'm back to going it alone. It feels like a daunting task and every time I attempt to work on my chapter I end up on Facebook, or playing Legend of Zelda, or cleaning the house for the holidays. Hell, these distractions have even kept me from properly beta reading for Delaroux.
I did get back on the ball with that one, so maybe this means I'll finally get back on the ball with writing....
....after doing the laundry, and the dishes, and sweeping, and moping, and vacuuming, and cleaning off the dining room table, and doing wedding Thank You notes, and putting up the Christmas tree, and FINALLY getting a damn job!
Dear god I'm never gonna write another chapter...... *sigh*
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