OMG My Readers Are Gonna Make Me Cry!

I logged on to my email today and found that I received a notice from Fanfiction.net. Someone had reviewed my story What is Truly Meant to Be: A Hey Arnold! Musical. I went to check on the review and saw my first anonymous one I've ever received. It simply said this:

12/29/11 . chapter 6

Pleeeeease?

Q_Q..... OMG I nearly broke in to tears! I am SOOOOOO sorry I haven't written anything! I just feel so guilty! I am just suck a slacker! I'm in such a funk and I wish I knew how to kick myself out of it. I just can't believe people like my story enough to wait so long for more. I can't believe my story is good enough that people would actually plead for me to return to updating it.

So, to you Anonymous... I am sorry, I love your devotion, and I WILL work on my story again. Thank you so much for sticking by me, even when I make you wait so long for an update.

Much love and hugs to my readers. It may not seem like it, but you brighten my world and I love you loads.

And Time Flies By... But Maybe Some Writing CAN Be Done

Man, I did NOT think of a good time to get married and move! October is the busiest wedding month! Plus, there's the craziness of packing, moving, unpacking, AND Halloween! Once THAT holiday is over, here comes Thanksgiving, and my family visiting! And THEN Christmas comes marching around the corner, along with the craziness THAT holiday brings... as well as MORE unpacking/organizing the new house, and going down to visit my family. New Years is just a few short days away and I still don't really have much free time to do anything. February has Valentine's day. And March has my sister's birthday and St. Patrick's day. I'll have to check my calendar, but April MIGHT bring Easter... either way, it will DEFINITELY bring my Mom's birthday. On top of that, it will also bring another ScriptFrenzy month! So there goes ANOTHER month of not writing! If May doesn't contain Easter, that MIGHT be the next big break I get. Funny how 1/2 the year has a holiday every month, and the second 1/2 only has Independence Day on the Fourth of July - unless, of course, you're also counting Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc.

January seems to be my only reprieve from the holiday season. So I guess I'll have to make the most of it!

I FINALLY got around to skeleton-ing the next chapter. Perhaps I can write it before a YEAR passes... sheesh!

I never heard back from that supposed Beta. Oh well, I *DID* overwhelm her with stuff. On the plus side, Good Old Delaroux popped on by and read my blog, and she gleefully volunteered to be MY beta! haha. ChibiSunnie also stopped by and ALSO volunteered to beta! I love my girls! Unfortunately, they too were just as stumped as me as to how to finish the chapter, but it is as I always say: "You never know where the seed for a great idea might come from!" Saying some of the dumbest things just in passing might be just the direction you need for the lightning bolt from your muse to finally strike you! Just spitballing with those ladies got the juices flowing and I think I finally know what to do with the story! So... YAY!

NOW my only problem is that I dove a little too deep. The chapter as a mind of its own and became its own story! The chapter needs chapters! Normally I would break this chapter up like I did when the Sweet 16 chapter ran long. However, I pigeon-holed myself in to this "every chapter needs a parent song" format, and so I can't really split the chapter up. So now I think I'm gonna do what I tried to avoid before... I'm going to make it a bam-bam-bam kind of chapter. No delays, just in your face "HELLO! YOU NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE RIGHT NOW!"

I had a subplot all figured out and everything, but having a subplot that is only relevant to one chapter, and centering on OCs that we'll only see for one chapter seems a bit much. I'll spend too much time - and force the readers to invest too much emotion - on a situation and characters they won't see again. INSTEAD! I'm going to eventually write this chapter as it wants to be: it's own story. I'll elaborate on the events that occur, but it has to wait for now. Dear lord, this story births so many plotbunnies! I already have two "spin off" stories bouncing around in my head!

I'm not going to know until I write this bugger how much I'll like writing the chapter the way I must, but it's better than postponing any more, right? Plus Delaroux is finishing up her story Something to Return to. True, she's already being a busy-little-bee and working on ANOTHER story, but perhaps once she's done with this main story I'm beta-ing for I can concentrate on my OWN story, instead of investing so much time in the wonderful Flite11 universe she created!

Delaroux - don't get me wrong, I LOOOOVE living in your world, which is why it's so hard to leave! XD I'm not blaming you, chica, for postponing my writing, I charish every minute with your story, I'm just saying that sometimes a writer finds something so grand they forget about their OWN stuff... ya know? BAAAH! I should have deleted that last paragraph... now she's gonna feel guilty again! *runs away crying*

ANYWAY, I guess what I'm trying to say is... Since the job hunt thing seems to be flopping, I might as well use my time wisely and write. ^_^

You guys never wanted a new chapter, right????

*Sigh*

What is WRONG with me!? It has NEVER taken me so long to write something. Hell, I wrote that birthday gift for BrokenRose24 in like a DAY! And now I can't write a chapter that I've had more-or-less planned out in my head since February!? What is up with that!?

For some reason I'm second-guessing myself. I guess it's an adverse effect to beta reading for such great writers. Speaking of which, quick shout out to Delaroux and her SUUUUPER popular story Something To Return To. As well as Darkangel1326 and her A-MAZE-ING poems.

OK, and now back to me. ^_^

As I was saying, I think the adverse effect of beta reading for these two wonderful women is that I am now second-guessing myself. I know you are your worst critic, but I don't feel like I'm nearly as good as these ladies. I cannot write poetry whatsoever and so anything Darkangel1326 does amazes me. And Delaroux not only writes incredible chapters - which are insanely popular - but she knocks them out in like a day! A day! Her story has NEARLY DAILY UPDATES! She has written more in a month than I've written in a YEAR! Her stuff is intense. She gets great reviews. And although I beta for her - I basically just catch typos and minor plotholes that might sneak through. Therefore, her success is really of no result of my help.

I know fanfiction isn't a competition. I know we're just one big family. I know I have my own faithful readers for god knows what reason. I know when I DO post, I get good reviews. And yet.... I feel like I can't compete with Delaroux.

So now all the groundwork I've laid out in my head over the past ten months is right back out the door. How does Arnold come across this? Why does he think that? How come this doesn't happen? What makes Arnold react this way? Am I putting too much effort in to a chapter-only subplot? So on and so forth.

Back in college when I had difficulties coming up with plots for short stories or scripts that I needed to write for class I would turn to my sweetheart. Granted, he rarely actually gave me ideas, but he would occasionally question my ideas - which would spark more ideas. And he'd question those ideas. Which would help me solidify everything. I needed this sounding board again.

However, this time, my husband didn't really know what to say. No input really. *sigh* I put the word out on Facebook that I'm looking for a beta. I got a girl who offered, but I'm throwing a LOT at her, and she has a life, so it takes her a week or two to get back to me. She did start up the "writer's spark" with some of her questions, but that just got the ball rolling for me to think up even MORE scenarios and questions. She hasn't responded yet.

And so I think I'm back to going it alone. It feels like a daunting task and every time I attempt to work on my chapter I end up on Facebook, or playing Legend of Zelda, or cleaning the house for the holidays. Hell, these distractions have even kept me from properly beta reading for Delaroux.

I did get back on the ball with that one, so maybe this means I'll finally get back on the ball with writing....

....after doing the laundry, and the dishes, and sweeping, and moping, and vacuuming, and cleaning off the dining room table, and doing wedding Thank You notes, and putting up the Christmas tree, and FINALLY getting a damn job!

Dear god I'm never gonna write another chapter...... *sigh*