Closing Out a Complete Trash Year

 

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I know I used that image last year for 2019, but it feels way more fitting this go. It's amazing how such a trash year was followed by an even worse one! In truth, I am not getting my hopes up for 2021, but I am going to focus on healing this upcoming year. An attempt to get back to what was once normal for me. 

In past years, this would either be where I reflect on the year - not happening - or I talk about my New Years Resolutions. Well, my resolutions are more of a To Do list to help me get back to who I was back in 2017 or 2018.

To start, 2020 was the year of "what even is time anymore?" We all felt it. We fell out of routine when we were forced to lockdown. Even if you were someone who continued working at your normal location the whole pandemic, time seems to have shifted so days just blend together, crawl, but also fly by all at the same time. Right?

I had given up on my time audits because "What is time anyway?" Thus I have no clue where a good half of my year went. My head is swimming just thinking about it. So step 1 is going to be to get back into auditing my time; knowing where it goes so I can adjust accordingly.

Next is finding consistent time to write again. Even if I'm not inspired to write and use that time to catch up on more fanfics or just listen to music, I need to remember to just set aside that time. Be it nightly, every other night, a huge chunk over the weekend or on one of my days off. I just need to prioritize writing again.

Same with reading, actually. Both 2019 and 2020 were trash, and during both years I barely read anything. Coincidence? Well, I mean, yeah. Definitely. 100% coincidence, but still.

I think I'm going to give myself a rule to read fanfics I have earmarked within a week of getting the notification email. That way I make sure to set aside the time to just enjoy stories. As for the professionally published works? I might have to start bringing books to work with me again. Maybe I'll treat myself like I'm 10 and cut off using electronics at a certain time so the last hour before bed is instead spent reading. I'll have to check out those time audits to see what will work best for me, but it couldn't hurt to start with that tactic, right?

My joints may still be too trash to be able to handle Zumba yet, but I DO need to focus on getting this weight off me and moving again. So I might use my original Zumba time to do... SOME sort of exercise. Anything I can find that would be low-impact on the ankles and knees. Maybe focus on weight lifting and my upper body and core? That way, once I can physically do Zumba again I already have the time set aside. 

Hubby and I also talked about having 2 meat-free days a week: one night of eating fish/seafood instead, and one night of a vegetarian meal. We'll also have to focus on cutting down on carbs so that our "vegetarian" option isn't just Mac & Cheese or something.

Just building up routines again is the main focus of 2021 for me. Wish me luck.

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The fact that last week I was able to set aside time to catch up on 2 fanfics I had on my massive To Read list was a good start. As well as what I did the past two days.

Remember how last week I said I had borrowed Taurus Pixie's Muse? Well, I'm far from finished on the project, but I do have roughly 3500 words already committed to a new story. I don't know if I'll have it done in time to close out this year, but screw it. This year sucked anyway. It seems fitting that the last new upload I did was for Plagg Appreciation Day. 

Plagg, please Cataclysm this year for me.

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Meh. Close enough.

I am aiming to get this story done and published in time to promote it next Tuesday, so keep your eyes out for that.

How great would it be to start off 2021 with a new story!? That will definitely get me on the right track. That's for sure.

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Sadly, I can't really talk more about the project now without spoiling some things about it, but, again, I hope the wait isn't much longer on it. On the plus side, having a much shorter blog post than I normally write means I have all this extra time I'm normally working on my posts instead directed towards that story, right?

So, here's to having a better 2021. Here's to having a new story done soon. Here's to starting the new year off right. Most importantly, here's to all of us being kind to ourselves this upcoming year. We are all hurting in one way or another, and we need to remember this new year is for healing.

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Now for a couple more cathartic 2020 images to make myself feel better, and hopefully cheer you up too before we officially say goodbye to this insane year.

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This app understands how we all feel.

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Get out of here, you trash year!

I hope you all can enjoy yourselves these next few days and ring in the new year with hope in your hearts (low expectations, but still hope).

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Catch you all on the flipside.

December Catch-Up

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Ooof. I've missed nearly all of December! Man, this year has been a complete dumpster fire, hasn't it?

Speaking of, that's what I got my husband as one of his many birthday gifts.

Dumpster Fire Vinyl Figure by 100% Soft
This is not paid advertising; I just really enjoy their products.
(Special shout out to ChibiSunnie for showing me that this was a thing)

To be frank, not much has really gone on, productivity wise, this month, and so I just didn't really have the drive to update my blog. I'm so tired of writing "I didn't do any writing or anything creative, nor have I read anything new. So how's your pandemic going?" every week. That first week of December I concentrated on Hubby's birthday for my days off. I didn't initially plan on skipping that week's update, and was actually kinda mad with myself for doing so, but it was what it was, and I had to let it go. The following week, I only had the 11th off, and I was spending so much time playing catchup on chores and errands and gift buying that I didn't even think about my blog post until days later. Again, I was mad at myself, but I had to shrug off the shame and guilt of not updating.

Then last week, I just didn't bother. Complete white flag. I had switched days off with a coworker, so I had Sunday instead of Friday off, I had my normal Tuesday off finally, AND the store was closed on Thursday due to snow. Still, I spent Tuesday nuzzling against my husband and doing more Christmas shopping. I was still irritated, but I didn't even ATTEMPT to write anything for my blog. What was there to write anyway? Nothing really to catch up on within my personal life - as evidenced by these short paragraphs summing up practically my whole month - and I hadn't done any writing or reading, so....

Hacker Girl
Facebook sticker
by Birdman, Inc

With that Thursday snow day though, I FINALLY had some free unscheduled downtime! Hubby and I caught up on Christmas movie watching, and last-minute online Christmas shopping. I still didn't think of my blog, though. Instead, I focused on my LOOOOOOOONG backlog of fanfics to read. I was a bit overwhelmed as to where to start since my list went as far back as August! To simplify things, and get me out of my overwhelmed freeze, I just started at the top: the most recently updated story. Which also happened to be a story I read before.... whoops.

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Oh well, it's a Christmas themed story, and I need extra doses of Holiday Cheer this year anyway. Plus, it's a story that's partially gifted to me, so how could I resist?

On December 14th, I got a notification that Taurus Pixie started uploading her lovely story Twelve Days of Chatmas to AO3! Those that have been following this blog for a while may remember that she had partially dedicated this story to me back in 2018 when she first published it to FFN. It's a 12-chapter story that she updated daily leading into Christmas. Well, now that she has it polished a touch and is ready to upload it to AO3, she's doing the same thing: updating it a chapter a day leading into Christmas.

It's angsty but funny and gives you warm holiday fuzzies and HOLY SMOKES, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH FOWL IS INCLUDED IN THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!

Twelve Days of Chatmas

Summary: Christmas is fast approaching, and Chat Noir is determined to get Ladybug the perfect gift. The problem is, they all keep going disastrously wrong. Will Chat Noir be able to find Ladybug the perfect gift in time?

FFN Final Word Count: 25,757
Status: On FFN - Complete; On AO3 - Daily Updates Ongoing
Rating: General Audiences

It's been such a delight to relive the excitement of getting those daily notifications telling me the story updated.

Also, bonus, I haven't started any writing yet, but I HAVE been brainstorming a project that was inspired by my re-read of Twelve Days of Chatmas, so if I actually find the time to crank it out, you can give Pixie a huge "thank you" for sharing her Muse.

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Either way, you guys should go check out Twelve Days of Chatmas because it's fantastic and deserves more love. Plus, Christmas story!

Speaking of which, I'm happy to see more and more people are drifting back to my own Christmas ML fanfic. If you haven't checked out the story I gave to Pixie in 2018 as a thank you for TDoC, please give it a read!

Woven Heartstrings

On FanFiction       On ArchiveOfOurOwn       On DeviantArt       On Tumblr

Summary: Chat Noir needs a Christmas gift for Ladybug. Marinette is a very crafty and creative person, so Chat Noir asks her for some help in making a gift for his lady. While hesitant in aiding Chat Noir's attempts to woo her superhero self, Marinette reluctantly agrees. Although, after a week of working side-by-side with Marinette, Chat Noir's not so sure he wants to gift the scarf he's making to Ladybug after all.

Word Count: 32,222
Status: Complete; 8 chapters
Rating: K / General Audiences

The rest of the limited free time I had this week, instead of working on that new story brewing in my brain (like I need more plotbunnies...), I spent reading ANOTHER story that was partially gifted to me!

Natsuo Maki from Love Lab
Created by Ruri Miyahara

This poor story was sitting on my To Read list for nearly a month! After tearing through it Monday, I felt so guilty about waiting so long to get to it in the first place, but I'm also kind of glad I did wait, because it meant I could read it all in (almost) a single sitting instead of waiting for the next chapter to update.

This story was SUCH a rollercoaster of emotions. It is angsty and makes me want to cry. It's so soft and fluffy and fills you with warm fuzzies. It gut-punches you with angst again. It's a bit silly. It's comforting in the best way. It's just.... Mmmmm. A delight!

Pieces by mostlovedgirl

Summary: Adrien’s world is shattered. He runs to the one place he can find comfort. It isn’t with the person he imagined, but she’s the only one he needs.

Word Count: 8292
Status: Complete; 3 chapters
Rating: Teen and up

Anyone who still believes *I* should be considered the "Queen of Angst" really needs to read this woman's work. At BEST, I'm probably a Countess of Angst....

As I went to bed Monday night, I was again inspired. I thought about a continuation of the story, involving Nino and Alya. I don't want to spoil anything about Pieces, but let's just say that Adrien has a LOT to talk about with Nino and Alya come the Monday at school after the story ends. There's also a LOT he has to navigate at school itself, and I was starting to explore that as I drifted off to sleep.

Sadly, as is usually true when one thinks of plotlines while drifting off to sleep, I've kind of lost where I was going with it. I know more-or-less the issues still left post-Pieces that Adrien has to deal with, and how I wanted Alya and Nino to be involved. I also vaguely recall wanting Alya and Nino getting their Miraculouses back permanently, but I can't recall how I was going to go about it. Finally, while most fanfic writers tend to have Adrien using his Trust to finance an apartment the moment he turns 18 so he can get out of the Agreste mansion, part of me prefers the idea of the Lahiffe family taking him in until he's ready to be on his own. Also, with everything that happened in Pieces, I'm not sure if I wanted him to leave or stay in the mansion. A LOT of ball-juggling in my head, but the fact that there was a SPARK there means so much.

So another big thank you to MLG for sharing a bit of HER Muse as well. I guess while my own Muse is broken, I'm on some sort of Rent-A-Muse program for my writing. So, again, thank you to these other fantastic content creators for lending theirs out.

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Alright, so let's see what my To Read list looks like now....

• I've been waiting patiently for the latest chapter update of TaurusPixie's rework of her demon-summoning Miraculous Ladybug AU story Immortal Bonds; completely forgetting I never went back to read the chapter 3 update from back in August! So that's top of my list, for sure!
• Another biggie for me, especially since I usually hop instantly to the story when I see it updates, is Chapter 17 of Discordant Sonata by EdenDaphne. Frankly, I'm surprised I've waited over a month to read this!
• Yet ANOTHER story I was excited to see an update notification for despite me neglecting to actually read the update this past week is Dressed to Confess by zenmisery
• There's also the 7 one-shots Cyhyr wrote for SylvixWeek2020 way back in September!
• Bouncing back to TaurusPixie, apparently I've neglected to read both her chapter 4 AND 5 updates for her Helsing story Go and Conquer.
• Next up is probably Wait for Me by mostlovedgirl, which I've been sitting on since the beginning of November.
• I also have three different W.I.T.C.H. stories by TaurusPixie to read: Dreams of Demons, Waters Run Deep, and Healing Hearts. These stories have been piling up since the beginning of November. However, I don't really know anything about W.I.T.C.H., so I might have to push them to the back of the pack until I whittle this list down a touch.
• The 45 other fanfics I already had on my To Read list before the summer even ended!
• The last 2 novels of Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series

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I'm assuming you can guess why I felt overwhelmed when I FINALLY had some reading time again and I wasn't sure where to start. It's equally overwhelming to try to decide what to even do with that free time! Catch up on the reading or attempt to write? Trying to answer that question has been a bit crippling for me this year, but I'm hoping 2021 will be kinder to all of us.

In the meantime, I hope everyone either got to enjoy their holidays or will be enjoying theirs; sorry to all of my non-Christian readers for missing wishing you a happy holiday.

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I'll try to find time to relax and recoup the rest of today and tomorrow. We'll see if I can get back on track to posting updates here on Tuesdays, starting with the 29th. Hope to see you there.

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