A Flicker of Progress

Hey, folks! Check out what it was doing outside while I wrote up this post. Granted, it stopped now, and already starting to melt, but still.

Bleck. Winter. I hate being cold. At least the snow is pretty when you're not the one who has to drive in it or shovel it. It's also pretty when you're tucked inside under a blanket and drinking coffee.

Speaking of, I splurged on myself.

As a lot of you might know, Steampunk is kind of my aesthetic. I don't know what it is specifically about it, but it's my jam! You might also know that this year's NaNo has a Steampunk motif. So, despite this year's NaNo going kind of abysmally, I had to snatch up as much promotional stuff as I could.

On Thursday, I got an email stating all of my Christmas gifts to myself had arrived, and I was itching to get home. The first thing I wanted to snag - even though I don't have the wall space to hang any of the other ones my mom bought me as Christmas gifts a couple of years ago - was this gorgeous thing!

Sorry for the poor picture quality, there were still
creases in it from being rolled up

While I was searching for the 2019 NaNo promotional poster to buy, I also found this beautiful mug. Now, I already have too many mugs, but I don't have any NaNo mugs - I have a NaNo travel mug, but that doesn't count - AND it's blue and gold - my favorite color combo - AND it's Steampunk. Get into my cart. NOW!

 

And yes, this IS the mug I'm currently drinking coffee out of, which is how I got onto this train of thought to begin with.

But, of course the most important part of NaNoWriMo merch is the T-shirt to proudly wear around. I should have purchased it in October so I had it to wear all month, but having it for the back-half is good too. Plus, I now have a lovely Steampunk-y shirt to wear in later years.

Yes, I doctored a pic of myself
using my Bitmoji avatar for my face.
What of it?

I ended up accidentally buying the shirt at least one size too large, so it just kind of hangs off of me, but it also reaches past my butt, which I am always a fan of. Also, here's a better view of the logo. I had to shrink the above image so much to fit the Bitmoji file that I don't know how clear the shirt looks anymore.

Designed by the lovey people at
NaNoWriMo.Org

Today is my first official full day of wearing this shirt after giddily bouncing around in it Thursday night for a little bit. I wanted to make sure I had it for my writing sprints at Group tonight. Although, I'll then either have to hand-wash it, or save laundry for after 8pm so I can wash it and have it ready for NEXT week's final NaNo writing sprints as well.

We'll see how lazy I end up being....

I was doubly excited to find out my NaNo care package to myself showed up on Thursday of all days. I had forgotten how quickly my order was supposed to arrive, and I coincidentally wrote OVER 2000 WORDS on Thursday! I mean, yeah, I do that without even trying most days, and I've written probably about 10,000 words if you count all of the work I've been putting into the outlines for One and the Same, but after 15 days of not really writing ANY new prose for this story, I'm pumped to have added 2000 words! Whoot!

I EARNED my splurge! It was like Past Me knew I would accomplish something Thursday, and perfectly timed my reward for it.

Alright, Past Me!

Hacker Boy and Hacker Girl
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by Birdman, Inc

It's a shame I haven't really written more than maybe another 200 words since Thursday.... But we'll ignore that. YAY! Writing ON Thursday! Whoot!

As I mentioned, I am still grinding away at that dang OatS outline. I'm not quite done breaking down exactly what plotline(s) each scene is supposed to land on, what plot points each scene resolves, and how each scene advances said plotline(s), but I'm getting there. The real sticky wicket is the transitional scene(s) between two of my tent pole scenes. I know what plot beats I want to hit. I know I need to somehow hit both Marinette's and Adrien's POVs before the next Big Scene. Mainly because Marinette had the one "tent pole scene" and Chat Noir has the other, and I want to keep the story tag-teaming their POVs: Marinette for odd chapters; Adrien for even chapters. I feel like it would be a bit jarring if the first seven or so chapters keep bouncing back and forth in that pattern, only for the eighth chapter to be a second Marinette chapter in a row, or if the eighth chapter is an Adrien one, only for the ninth chapter to also be Adrien's before bouncing back to Marinette.

I mean, it's going to be jarring enough with those final chapters tag-teaming both POVs within the chapter itself. I don't know if I want to press my luck by breaking pattern earlier as well.

So I have this block in the middle where I know the plot beats I want to hit, and I know I need to somehow separate it into at least two chapters so I can get back into pattern by my next established scene. I had worked, and reworked, and re-reworked, and so on, about a half-dozen times to try to figure out my best plan of attack.

I'm still not sure I quite have it, mostly because the Adrien part seems a bit overly loaded with scene transitions as he kind of advances the story's timeline a full weekend. In contrast, Marinette's chapter is kind of a precursor scene that in-universe would be about two hours of the overall story, before handing the reins back to Chat Noir to continue the story roughly fifteen minutes after the point Marinette stopped.

Like, the chapters are fairly balanced - count wise - and I'm trying to keep the word-count fairly even as well without putting TOO much thought in that vs good storytelling. However, I feel like Marinette's parts are all real-time moments, whereas Adrien's parts tend to recap days worth of story to help push the timeline along.

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by PRANEAT

Why??? Why does this story have to be so difficult!?

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The 2000-words came from all of my reworking of that "what do I do here!?" part of my outline. I just got inspired for this scene of Adrien going to Marinette's house to ask her over. I don't know if this scene will stay or be added to my "Deleted Scenes" project, but at least I wrote something. So.... yay?

I had to stop to either help customers or to close up shop, I can't recall, and I didn't get a chance to get back into the story that night, and so I ended up losing the momentum as well as the direction I was trying to go. So that kind of killed that progress. Hoping to get into The Mood again, I went back to the outline to try to solidify that middle bit some more now that I have that scene.

I'm STILL unsure if I know what I'm doing there. So I paused and went in yet ANOTHER outline direction.

At the beginning of the month, I stumbled upon an old post on the official NaNoWriMo blog. It talked about [Outlining] Your Story Like a Subway Map. Basically, it is figuring out the plot points for the main storyline, as well as the ones for your subplots. Write them each out individually as if they are the only story. Then, see which scenes overlap. Link those overlaps together to see how each plot interacts with each other.

So, yesterday, that's more-or-less what I did. I wrote up the plot points I wanted for each plotline, which helped me solidify how many plotlines I actually had.

In the end, I have a little over 4pgs of bulleted storylines, and when I went back over it I realized I did miss some key points in my bullets, so they should total closer to 4.5 pages after adding those in. I then wanted to come up with a literal subway line-like outline for me to print out and keep at my desk to look back on as I finished off my detailed outline of "what does it resolve/how does it advance"for OatS.

I might not have the actual first draft complete by November 30th, as I had wanted, but by gum I will have the outline FINALLY figured out so I can march my way through the actual writing of this dang thing!!!!

Now, there are a LOT of plot points for me to have to write up on a piece of paper for this physical "map," and I don't have any long sheets of paper anyway to do it on. So I figured it would be easier for me to do this project digitally so I could shift things as I need, and then once it's solid I can print it off.

Microsoft Paint wasn't going to cut it. Neither was Pixlr.com/editor, which is usually my go-to and where I've designed my ML fanfic covers. This project seemed a bit... much... and, even with ad blockers, the right-most quarter of the screen is sectioned off for ads, leaving not much room to work within. On top of that, my internet has been a bit spotty lately, so doing something offline was probably for the best. True, it makes it hard to continue working on this project while I have downtime at work, but it is what it is.

So I downloaded GIMP. It's free, it works close enough to Photoshop, and I see a lot of amateur artists I follow either have used it, or still do. I'm not a graphic designer or artist, so it seems to be best for my needs. Kept me a bit to get used to the interface since it is different enough from Photoshop to be a bit disorienting to me, and I had to google quite a bit, but I have a usable knowledge of it. I used GIMP this morning to doctor that photo of me in my shirt. Not my best work, but good enough until I learn the program better.

Anyway, I have all of my points written up on a file, and the next time I'm free - possibly while watching The Masked Singer tomorrow night - I'll work on drawing the literal plot lines so they look kind of like this example from the Subway Lines article.

Of course it uses The Hunger Games for the example.
That seems to be everyone's favorite example choice lately.
Also MDQ stands for Main Dramatic Question (Main Plot)
LDQ stands for Lesser Dramatic Question (subplot)

In the meantime, I still have my 4pg print out of those same plot points, and I'll see how much of that detailed outline can be figured out based off that. Maybe I'll be re-inspired to write a scene. As it stands, I already have one brewing in my head, I just need to iron out how it goes down. My main concern is making sure Marinette doesn't get too comfortable with Adrien too soon.

The last two episodes of the Miraculous Ladybug 3rd season aired this past week as well - and holy crow, the feels! - so maybe obsessively watching those will help me with inspiration as well. The one, "Chat Blanc," has a LOT of fodder in it. I just need to sort out how to USE said fodder.

I also need the finale to be translated into English...

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(Also, I know it's coming,
but Dec 1st is so far away still...)

Anyway, backtracking to WHY I couldn't get back into my writing Thursday night while I was on such a roll. It was another "meh" football game that night - for us at least - so we had Omnibladestrike and Wolfhearted over for yet another D&D session! Whoot! We're still not quite out of that randomly-generated dungeon Hubby created for our "one shot" D&D night about a month ago, but we should be close.

I do appreciate that in-character, Wolfhearted's human fighter Cutter seems 1000% done with my dragonborn bard Kriv. It's getting borderline if Cutter will just kill off Kriv himself and be done with him. Wolf, on the other hand, seems to absolutely ADORE Kriv. So. Yay!

I also realized, the more I play Kriv, and the more I lean into whatever it is that will annoy Cutter most, the more Kriv is turning into a character from an anime Hubby and I watch with Omni.

It's an older anime called Eyeshield 21, and is a high school football anime by the same writer as the now largely popular anime Dr. Stone. Well, technically the same man wrote the MANGAS each anime is based off of, but you get the idea. Anyway the character is the tight end Natsuhiko Taki.

I couldn't tell if this is official artwork
but it's what's used on the Eyeshield 21 wiki...

This absolute moronic dork is somehow my favorite character in his extra-ness and dorkiness and just overall blind optimism.

He thinks he's God's Gift to Football despite his skills saying quite the contrary more often than not. He ran away to the United States in order to get onto a football team - without letting his mother know what he was doing; worrying her needlessly - and after 2yrs, he STILL couldn't get on to a team. His sister tracked him down and brought him home, and the Devil Bats took him on as a teammate.

He is an idiot, unfocused, and cares too much about becoming a famous football star to actually be useful. HOWEVER, if/when the team CAN get him to focus, he's a powerhouse nearly worthy of the pedestal he puts himself on.

He also has two goofy quirks that are annoying as all get-out to the other characters, but they make me giggle each time. First is his signature stance to showcase his flexibility. You saw it in that first image, but he's CONSTANTLY holding up his right leg and spinning on his left. Like 90% of the time we see Taki he's spinning on his left while holding up his right.

He even does it in the opening credits because it's THAT MUCH his signature move/pose.

The other main characteristic he has is referring to his sister in English by calling her "My Sister," which is kind of adorable to hear said with a Japanese accent, as well as his signature exclamation.

He does that to punctuate sentences, or to call attention to himself, or to laugh at a joke he finds droll. It is nasally, and kind of sing-song-y, and hella-annoying to hear all the time. But for some reason I LOVE it, and I chuckle each time he does it.

It's kind of like the character Sekke Bronzazza from Black Clover. 

Sekke says "Bah-ha" in nearly every sentence. He usually does so to punctuate the sentence, but he'll also use it in multiple-syllable words starting with the "bah" sound on occasion. He does it so frequently that just about all of the other characters have forgotten his actual name - despite his constant reminding them - and just refer to him as "Bah-ha!"

Anyway, my original point was I love Taki, okay? He's my guilty-pleasure fave in Eyeshield 21. Plus, he actually does look cute when he's serious and has his hair pulled back...

Not that it's a requirement for a character to be my favorite. Honestly, there are so many adorable beans in the cast of Eyeshield 21, I love them all. And their quarterback is terrifying, but in the most fun way possible that I love him too. I'm just really enjoying this goofy anime, okay?!

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My ORIGINAL point was that Kriv is slowly evolving into a D&D party member equivalent to Taki, and I kinda love it????

As I'm writing this, Quarthix is over to draw up a character to add to our campaign once we get out of the dungeon. According to Hubby, Q is fully aware of the existing party dynamic and personalities, and he's game to add his own flavor of crazy to this bunch, so that could prove fun.

Also also also! I still absolutely love one of the 2 party-NPCs - characters that are unofficially part of the party that the DM runs. The campaign started on a ship that was attacked by pirates, and the party all fled together in the same lifeboat. One of the crew members was rowing the lifeboat for us, and was kind of roped into joining us as we became shipwrecked on an undeveloped part of an island. He uses what's known as wild magic, which means every time he taps into this magic to cast a spell, there is a percentage that the magic will go crazy and do its own thing. Usually the "do its own thing" bit is in ADDITION to whatever the spellcaster wanted to do, but not always. Anyway, the NPC accidentally de-aged himself to the ripe old age of 12 with one of his spells, and Kriv ADORES the "kid." Kriv is going full-on "Older Bro" mode despite the fact the spellcaster started nearly twice Kriv's age - the guy was originally late 20s/early 30s, and Kriv is 16. Granted, for a dragonborn, that's the mental age equivalent of a human 20 year old, but still.

The spellcaster, a half-orc named Hakeem, seems to eat up the attention and praise Kriv is giving him, so I'm running with it for as long as Hubby is.

Okay, I'm getting stupid-long again with this, and I'm WAY past my noon update. So a couple of promotions to close out this post.

First up is Omni. He's having similar struggles with his story as I am with OatS, so he put his main story on hold and decided to work on another story within his overall series. He already has the first two chapters up, so if you like fantasy stories, and want a taste of something original, why not give his story a try?

Dancing Fate

Summary: A shadow has spread across the land of Akierna. Kingdom after kingdom has fallen, even the grandest of armies have crumbled. A collection of survivors now seek a home on a new continent. After a massive storm sunk their ship, Raina the queen of the Dragonesium kingdom now leads her people into a hopeful future.

Current Word Count: 2,023

Looking to stick with some fanfiction? Well, Taurus Pixie has updated a bunch of her stories this past week, and so you KNOW I have to point people towards the latest chapter of Chat Vert. So. Much. Lukanette. Goodness. *Squee!* She just does such an awesome job at writing Luka.

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AAAAAH, my precious son!

So, while you're waiting for me to get my act together and publish something new, why not give these two writers some of your love? They both totally deserve it. Trust me.

Alright, off to pretend I'm being productive!

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And the Failing Continues

This NaNoWriMo is not going well. I'll confess that right now.

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I guess I just haven't been in a good mental state lately. I debated caving in and working on a different story since "One and the Same" has been such a pain. However, I don't even have motivation for THAT. No new plot-bunny ideas, no inspiration for existing ones, no drive to work on converting Blame Fate for This into novel-length, nothing. More often than not, I end up staring into the void.

Not even last week's writing sprints at Group helped me. In part, I think it's because it was a bit less organized than it usually is. We must have been rusty.

I always thought we had done ten-minutes-on, ten-minutes-off. Or maybe it was 15 and 15? Well, this go we did 20 and 20, and the first 20 was already in session when I showed up at 6 last week. Apparently the three ladies that were there at about 5:30 decided to go ahead and start early, so they were in the middle of a sprint when I arrived. Then the discussions were an awkward 20-off because no one really had enough to say to fill the full 20, but whenever we decided to wave the flag and just cut the discussion side early, THAT was when someone had a question about their work or wanted to read, and then we had to cut them off in order to get back into writing. We also ended up ending our last writing session at like 7:45, and the library closed at 8, so we didn't have the full 20minutes to discuss what we just worked on, but that somehow meant we weren't going to bother discussing anything????

I hope it runs smoother tonight. I also hope I become inspired. Most of last week's sprints were used to slowly edit more passages I already wrote, and filter through my many different outlines I have for this dang story. In the end, I think I wrote 250 words, none of which I think I'll be keeping, even though they are literally the only words I've written so far for NaNo.

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I had actually used my spoiler-y rundown of my outline that I posted here last week. I had more things figured out, and I hoped using that "outline" as my latest one could help.

It did not... on the writing end of things, at least.

So, my first outline was exactly how it sounds: a bulleted list of plot points I wanted throughout my story. When that didn't work out for me, I went with the Snowflake Outline method created by Randy Ingermanson. The problem I had with that, though, was the dual storylines for Adrien and Marinette, and how they should intertwine in a manner that works with a basic three-act structure: inciting incident, call to action, central conflict, end of Act I, first culmination, midpoint, main culmination, third act twist, climax, and resolution. I studied the four-act structure to see if that could be a good alternative, but I just can't break down my story that way.

I also tried to write something a bit more in-depth for my outline at one point. So I have a 4pg document where I have paragraphs describing what happens in a sort of Sparknotes type summary. Things have changed so much since I wrote that, and the middle still has things like "insert MariChat goodness here" so that hasn't really proven helpful either.

I attempted to break down the chapters; knowing who would have what chapter, and how many I'd be aiming for. This is how I know I'm looking at roughly a 25 chapter story. This outline helped slightly, but it also still has a large chunk of the middle missing with similar "MariChat Goodness" notes without any real thought as to what those scenes are. There's also chapters in there that I don't know if I need, but I have them there to keep the alternating pattern of Marinette gets a chapter, then Adrien does, then back to Marinette.

All of this means that last week's impromptu outline here on my blog was outline attempt number... five??? Not including updates to the other outline formats. It was better, and I started filtering it into that chapter breakdown outline, but it still left me wondering "do I need this chapter?" I already have so many scenes for that "deleted chapters" project I'll publish once OatS is done. I really don't want to needlessly or even intentionally add to it if I don't have to.

So my latest outline attempt breaks things down even FURTHER. It's been a slow - oh, so painfully slow - process, but I think I'm FINALLY getting somewhere.

I now ask myself five questions for each chapter:

1. What is the scene I'd like to show?
2. Whose point-of-view should it be in?
3. Which plotline - either main or sub - does this scene cover?
4. What does the scene resolve with regards to that plotline?
• Alternatively: How does the scene CREATE the new plotline?
5. How does the scene advance that plotline?
• Alternatively: How does the scene CONCLUDE the plotline?

I even break down those questions further. If a scene actually covers multiple plotlines, what are all of them? How does each plotline interact with the other ones in the scene? How does each one advance their part of the overall story?

And that's my key: how does the scene push the story forward? I keep getting stuck because there are lovely, fluffy, breather chapters in the middle. People will most likely keep reading just for the fluff. That's how a lot of fanfiction words - indulgent fluff that doesn't necessarily resolve much more than our own desires for the characters to cuddle or blush or kiss - and it's something fanfiction readers gladly consume; me included. There's nothing wrong with writing fluff. There's nothing wrong with fanfic chapters pausing the overall story in order to have fun self-indulgent, fanservice-y chapters. I want to stress that by no means am I trying to shame writers who do this, or shame readers who love this, or state that it is an invalid storytelling tactic. It totally is valid, and lovely, and great for when you just need a lovely pick-me-up.

For ME, however? If I'm writing self-indulgent fluff, I try to keep it as a one-off that people can just quickly flip to whenever they want. For my chaptered stories, I try to write them as close to professionally as possible so that I'm well-practiced for when I write an original story to try to publish. So I'm pushing myself now to always focus on the "how does this advance the story?" question. I was able to almost instinctively create always-advancing chapters for Peeping Tomcat, so having to THINK about how each chapter pushes the story forward has been hard.

For an example, I'll use PT. If you haven't read the story yet, and still wish to, I'll throw up a spoiler warning.

• Chapter 1: Mistake
• This chapter establishes the plot and subplots of the story
• Main Plot: Adrien enjoys becoming Chat Noir and spying on Marinette in order to learn more about her.
• Subplot A: Adrien's feelings for Marinette are more than he realizes
• Subplot B: Feeling inadequate and inferior as a superhero
• Subplot C: Adrien's rocky relationship with his father
• Also sets up the next chapter by having the readers ask the question "will he spy again?"
• Chapter 2: Itch
• Continues the main plot of Adrien spying, while giving further justification as to why he slid down the slippery slope.
• Also covers Subplot A in that he questions why he's so intrigued by Marinette
• Sets up Subplot D: Adrien trying to find a way to promote Marinette's work; AKA the Marinette's Portfolio subplot that will spill into OatS.
• Also sets up the next chapter by asking the question "how will he stop his new addiction, and will he be caught?"
• Chapter 3: Opportunity
• Continues the main plot by giving Adrien an "out" of his new obsession of watching Marinette.
• Continues Subplot A by having a sweet moment between Adrien and Marinette, potentially hinting at more than friendship between them.
• Mildly continues Subplot C by commenting about Adrien finally being ungrounded.
• Continues Subplot D by having Adrien ask about Marinette creating a portfolio for his father to see.
• Establishes the Status Quo - sort of - of Adrien's dynamic with Marinette
• "Adrienette Goodness" but with a point. I need to do the same with the MariChat scenes in OatS
• Sets up the next chapter by establishing the scene: they're going to the mall to watch a movie.
• Chapter 4: Normal
• Mostly focuses on Subplot A by making Adrien question his feelings for Marinette, and her feelings for him.
• Also sets up the akuma attack in the next chapter.
• Chapter 5: Mimicker
• Mostly focuses on Subplot B by showcasing that Chat Noir actually is a partner on equal footing with Ladybug.
• He's even crucial to the battle, because he's the one keeping LB in check so she can focus on what's important: defeating the akuma. If it weren't for CN, she wouldn't even know where the akuma was hiding since she wasn't going to listen to the person who had the best knowledge about it.
• Also showcases how Adrien feels about Ladybug, which will affect Subplot A
• Sets up the next chapter by already hinting at parallels between Ladybug and Marinette, as well as Adrien's focus on Marinette; his addiction to watching her calling to him slightly even during the attack.
• Chapter 6: Parallels
• Equal focus on the Main Plot - Chat Noir recapping his week of spying, as well as him spying again in that chapter - as well as Subplot A in how he views Marinette.
• He starts really seeing parallels between Marinette and Ladybug, hinting at him realizing his crush on Marinette
• It sets up the next chapter by having Adrien wonder what it would be like if Marinette acted more relaxed and confident in school.
• Chapter 7: Confusion
• Main focus on Subplot A: Adrien truly questioning why he likes watching Marinette, as well as questioning his feelings for Ladybug if he's starting to grow a crush on Marinette.
• Subplot A now shifts to Does Adrien Like Marinette for Marinette, or Because She Reminds Him of Ladybug
• Nods to the Main Plotline by having him spy on her outside of the costume, and question his addiction to watching her in the first place.
• Sets up Subplot E: Confessing to Marinette/Ladybug about his spying
• Minor advancement of Subplot D by having Adrien ask for Marinette's portfolio in the near future.
• Sets up the next chapter by having him feel guilt-ridden over his betrayal of both Marinette and Ladybug, as well as sets up his inability to sleep
• Chapter 8: Guilt
• Main focus is on Subplots A and E.
• Subplot A is advanced as he watches Marinette's attempt to give him soup. He now knows that she's more than a proxy for Ladybug.
• Subplot A shifts slightly again as Adrien is now torn between his affection for Marinette and his love for Ladybug.
• Subplot E makes up most of the chapter as Adrien struggles with whether or not to confess, and when would be the best time to do so.
• Touches upon the Main Plot with Subplot E
• Sets up the akuma for the next chapter
• Chapter 9: Terravenger
• Largely focused on Subplot B, especially since Chat Noir is too distracted by the Marinette/Ladybug thing to be any proper help during the attack.
• This is to show the contrast with the first akuma of the story, and how this whole story's plot is affecting him.
• Partially Subplot A with Adrien's conflicting feelings for Ladybug and Marinette - and his concern for Marinette's safety - being what is distracting him.
• Sets up the next chapter by bringing Adrien to his lowest.
• Chapter 10: Failure
• Starts with Subplot B: he is at his lowest with regards to feeling unfit to be a hero, especially with the add-on of misusing his powers to spy
• Subplot A: he focuses more on his relationship with Marinette, and thinks of her even when talking with Ladybug
• Hints at Subplot C as he thinks about his life without being Chat Noir anymore
• Teasing Subplot E as Adrien again debates letting Marinette know
• This chapter doesn't actually have the best transitional bits, but it does end on such a low note that perhaps that's what got people to continue reading?
• Chapter 11: Truth
• The main focus of the overall story; everything was aiming for this point, and the remaining chapters resolve what happens in this chapter.
• Main Plot of Chat Noir spying escalates as his spying reveals who Ladybug is
• Subplot E initiates the chapter as Adrien decides he HAS to confess, and do so ASAP
• Subplot A: He falls further for Marinette, but then finds out who she truly is, sending him in a whirlwind again
• Sets up the next chapter by asking the question "now what?" with regards to Adrien's knowledge 
• Chapter 12: Crisis
• The Main Plotline now asks the question "what does Adrien do with his knowledge of who Ladybug is?"
• Subplot A switches back to "Does Adrien like Marinette for Marinette, or because she's Ladybug"
• Subplot B now has the added layer of Adrien betraying Ladybug's rule of keeping their identities secret, and his concern of how this might affect each of them continuing as LB and CN.
• There's also elements of Subplot E as Adrien goes back to questioning if he should confess, and if so, how much should he confess.
• It sets up a minor plotline of Plagg and Tikki being twins kept apart because CN and LB can't know who the other is.
• It sets up the next chapter by asking the question "How will Adrien act around Marinette in school the next day?"
• Chapter 13: Decision
• The Main Plot is advanced by Adrien deciding what to do with the information he garnered from spying.
• Subplot A is advanced as Adrien decides he definitely loves Marinette for who she is, not because she's Ladybug. He realizes he's loved her from day one, but didn't realize it because his love for LB was too great. Subplot A then changes to "How to get Marinette to Love Chat Noir?"
• Subplot E is hinted at as Adrien tries to figure out how and when to confess without losing Marinette or his miraculous
• Another chapter that didn't have a great build-up for the rest of the story.
• Chapter 14: Announcement
• Mostly focuses on Subplot B, with Ladybug telling all of Paris why Chat Noir is the reason she's even a hero.
• There's also some Subplot A as Adrien again realizes a relationship with Marinette isn't worth anything if she can't also love Chat Noir
• Sets up the next chapter by suggesting a Chat Noir Appreciation day
• Chapter 15: Heaven
• Adrien at his highest throughout this story
• Resolves Subplot C by having Gabriel visit his son, speak kindly to him, listen to his suggestion, and allowing Adrien to hang out with his friends instead of doing a signing for the Gabriel brand.
• Has elements of Subplot A as Adrien gushes about how amazing Marinette is.
• Nods to Subplot D as Adrien asks if he can still collect Marinette's portfolio soon.
• Sets up the next chapter by having an akuma attack
• Chapter 16: Appreciation
• Largely focuses on Subplot B by having Chat Noir late to the battle, debating his worth again, then helping figure out the akuma, and finally going through the appreciation festival.
• There's of course instances of Subplot A as the duo hangs out during the festival.
• Nod to Subplot D again as Adrien again references the portfolio
• Hints at Subplot E as Adrien wonders what to tell Ladybug when they meet up later.
• Sets up the last chapter with the LadyNoir meet-up.
• Chapter 17: Purpose
• Largely touches upon Subplot E as Chat Noir confesses to misusing his powers, but still leaves the plotline unresolved since he doesn't confess to spying with them, spying on MARINETTE with them, or knowing that Ladybug is Marinette.
• The open-ended, unresolved nature of the Confession Subplot creates one of the main subplots to "One and the Same"
• Touches upon Subplot A more by having Adrien just bask in his newly discovered love for Marinette.
• The resolution to the Wooing Marinette as Chat Noir subplot becomes one of the main plot lines in OatS
• Subplot B is resolved. Chat Noir feels honored by the appreciation festival, he feels more capable after the latest akuma, he knows Ladybug thinks of him as an equal, and she didn't shame him after his confession. He still feels guilty about withholding information, but he's confident he can keep her secret, and that he IS a good superhero that Paris equally needs.
• Subplot D is partially resolved as Adrien picks up the portfolio
• The Portfolio subplot continues in OatS

OKAY! SPOILERS OVER NOW! YOU CAN START READING AGAIN IF YOU SKIPPED THE LAST PART!

It's a lot easier to create outlines like that AFTER the story is written. I guess this is why a lot of experts say to not focus on a cohesive plot or subplots until after the first draft is done. Then you can go through - as I did - and see what plots you have, and how they flow. I'm not waiting though. It's been over a year, and clearly the story isn't going anywhere as is. So I'm trying to break down the outline similar to how I did in that spoiler section.

As I mentioned forever ago now, it has been helping, although it's still a painfully slow process to fill in the bits I don't already have written. I'm still trying to figure out akumas too.

Wolfhearted was over the other day, and suggested someone having a terrible day, and the simple thing that pushed them over the edge was a button snapping off their favorite shirt. It's an easy fix, but we've all been there: something simple now feels like the end of the world due to stress. I even thought of naming the akuma Last Straw or Breaking Point or something along those lines. The button would be the akumatized object. I even thought of the villain spreading their stress and poor luck by jinxing those they interact with. Kind of a combination of Reverser and Troublemaker. I like the concept. I'm really feeling it.

It won't really work for my story though. I can't really see how a jinx-causing akuma would benefit the two main chapters I have in mind for akumas. My main problem with akumas is coming up with ones that have the proper attack and purpose for the story. Canonically, akumas usually have some sort of significance in pushing the Civilian Plotline forward.

• Weredad dealt with Marinette's supposed heart break
• Gigantitan showed Marinette that perhaps complicated plans aren't the best way to achieve something.
• Oblivio gave Marinette and Adrien a chance to get out of their own way when it comes to their relationship
• Glaciator focused on how Ladybug treats Chat Noir's love for her
• Ikari Gozen taught Marinette to better appreciate Kagami, as well as taught Kagami to allow others to take the lead on occasion. 
• Miracular showcased how dangerous it is for Hawk Moth to know who another wielder is. 
• Gorizilla focused on Adrien's need to see a movie starring his mother, even if it means trying to escape his father, bodyguard, and fans.
• Desperada taught Adrien that he's best suited to be Chat Noir, and shouldn't try to change to appease Ladybug.

So on and so forth. As for the akumas I created for PT, their purpose is a bit more broad:

• The first one needed to trip Ladybug up somehow so Chat Noir can shine and showcase his superhero prowess.
• The second one needed to be difficult enough to pose a potential threat to Marinette so Chat Noir would be distracted. It also needed to be difficult enough that it was a trial for Ladybug, but not so difficult that she couldn't solve it alone.
• The final akuma needed to be simple enough that readers wouldn't mind it being sort of handwaved over, and it needed to showcase Ladybug and Chat Noir being an equal team again.

So, for OatS, my akuma needs are:

• Something that can establish the Status Quo between LB and CN, but also showcase the threat of an LB and CN reveal.
• Akuma 2 needs to get Marinette and Adrien to focus on their new arrangement with the balcony.
• Akuma 3 needs to be another handwave-y villain, and there might be others that need to just be mentionable without much more to go off of.
• Akuma 4 needs to be a very physical akuma
• There may need to be an Akuma 5 as well, but I still haven't figured out the purpose. Perhaps this could be where that bad luck akuma could go?

My point being, I'm not entirely sure if a bad-luck-causing akuma works with my overall story, but it could be a start for figuring out ones that WOULD work with my story.

I... I just don't know.

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The last two episodes of Miraculous Ladybug season 3 aired/are airing this week. I hope that maybe watching those, and then backtracking to watch the season finale that randomly aired about a month ago, will help me sort things out better.

That doesn't help me now though. What helps me now is potentially that new outline breakdown. So wish me luck. And send me some surplus energy you might have because I am toast.

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I hope to have some better news for you guys next week.

Finally, before I go, I want to send a grand thank you to any military personnel who might be reading. Yesterday was Veteran's Day in the US, and I want to show my greatest appreciation to those who have volunteered for service, and those who were drafted into service. You all are, or have done, work I can't imagine being strong enough to handle in any shape or form: physically, mentally, or emotionally. Same goes to military family members; I can only imagine the stress and drain of having a family member in the military, and you all astound me with your resilience and positivity.

So, thank you, Veterans, for your service.

Sorry, I've had this image for so long
I have no clue where it originated from.
Possibly created by Felix L. Griffin

Lack of Progress

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It's November, which means it's also NaNoWriMo! That's right, an entire month dedicated to continuous writing in order to aim for a goal of a completed first draft of a 50,000 word novel before midnight on November 30th. This will be my seventh time participating in NaNo since I first joined in 2012. Out of my previous six attempts, I've "won" twice by hitting my 50,000-word goal before the end of the month. I've also participated in NaNo's "Camp NaNoWriMo" months in April and July a grand total of four times, only hitting my self-established goal once.

In other words, I "fail" way more than I "succeed" with NaNo, but I still like the motivation the month gives me, and how I can use it as an excuse to squirrel myself away to write. "Sorry, it's NaNo" is pretty much all I need to say to justify being anti-social this month. I've also discovered with trial and error that I just can't sustain a daily writing goal of 1667 words. Can I hit that goal daily? Oh, easily. However, giving myself time to write EVERY DAY so I can at least attempt that goal? Eeeeeeeh, not so easy, and I burn myself out fairly quickly. Case and point, this blog is roughly 5500 words long, but it also kept me about four hours to write. Then you have my attempt to write daily for Kyoru Week last month, and I've barely written since. With my current lifestyle, I just can't sustain daily writing of any sort of significance for a long period of time.

However, I have discovered that my optimal working schedule is 5 on; 2 off. Even if it those two days aren't the weekend, or even in a row, I work better when I know I have 2 "wiggle days" where I don't have to write if things get too busy for me, or if I need a break. Besides, I write quite a bit per writing session, as you could probably guess with this over-5000-words post, so 2272 words every day for only five days is much more manageable for me.

I even use the updated NaNo word-count calendar that David Seah puts out for free each year. Go, check it out. I love these calendars, and I really appreciate that he donates his time to create these every year.

Calendar created by David Seah

Alternatively, NaNoWriMo also put out their own calendar that you could use. I personally love the Steampunk theme they're going with this year, so I enjoy their calendar as well.

Created by the fine folks at NaNoWriMo.org

So, I have my plan laid out: write 5 days a week, and take 2 days off in order to give myself some wiggle room or just simple breaks. I have my calendar(s) picked out and ready to mark with how amazing I'm doing this month. I even have my project: Finishing One and the Same so I can FINALLY start editing and publishing come January 2020! Whoo!

I've even joined a NaNo group on FB, and the people on there have been CRAZY busy with their projects! We even have at least one member who hit 50,000 words over this first weekend! Another who is attempting to write 50,000 words EACH DAY!

What about me, though? Four days in, morning of the fifth, and I had a rare Monday off so I haven't been at work since 4pm on Sunday. I must have really taken a chunk out of my story by now, right?

....

Right???

Hacker Girl Facebook
sticker by Birdman, Inc

Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh, about that....

I haven't even opened the project yet.

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I tried with that run up to November. I went through the last five chapters of Peeping Tomcat, largely because of the kind reviews from writeringoodfaith. I went through my notes for One and the Same. I reread what I have for OatS thus far to get back into the mindset of the story. I looked at my outline that I keep adjusting. I researched using the 4-act structure of storytelling instead of the standard 3-act structure. I was supposed to be set.

Then nothing.

I just can't think of anything! I even CRIED as I tried to come up with ANYTHING. Granted, I HAVE been stressed lately, and I was hormonal because... well... being a woman is fun.

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My point, however, is that I just COULD NOT with my story. Not this week. I've still been suffering from burn out or whatever. Or maybe I just tapped this well dry and refuse to accept it.

I've had a couple of people tell me that perhaps I should just shelve OatS since it's been giving me such trouble. Maybe I should just let PT stay a solo project, and instead focus on turning Blame Fate for This into a novel-length story. I finally had a story where the world-build is (mostly) done, and the main characters are drawn up. Run with that; write my first publishable novel!

Hacker Girl Facebook
sticker by Birdman, Inc

While I appreciate the encouragement, and I get that it's silly for me to keep bashing my head into the wall for this fanfic. But I just can't bring myself to abandon it.

I already feel so guilty for unofficially abandoning my "Hey, Arnold!" story What Is Truly Meant To Be, and for putting Jolene's story on pause as well. I had told my readers that I was writing this sequel to Peeping Tomcat, and they seem excited about it - others might even need OatS in order to feel the story truly is complete - and I just don't want to go back and say "Whoops, my bad. This story isn't actually ever coming." Especially since I have some really AWESOME chapters/scenes I'm really excited to share. I just need the rest of the novel to form so I can release my babies out into the world.

Right now this is the main breakdown. It's a bit more detailed that I originally thought, so a spoiler box would get too large if I put it all in there. Instead, I'll throw this up for everyone who wants to go in cold.

I have, as I mentioned, a few already fairly established scenes. They are either written to a satisfactory-enough level for me to focus on something else, or they are done minus the lead-in opening and/or figuring out how to conclude the scene. It's the "middle" bits that I'm stuck on.

• ESTABLISHED SCENE: Opens with an akuma attack; the first akuma I've ever designed! This scene sets up the Status Quo of the world.
• Me handwaving how Ladybug and Chat Noir defeat the akuma, because I just don't know, and then move to Adrien "recapping" PT to re-establish the new Status Quo, and Adrien sorts out what he has to do: set his goal for the story, basically.
• A jumbled mess of a chapter where Adrien acts way too much like his Chat Noir persona around Marinette, and freaks her out to the point that she doesn't even register that Adrien told her that Gabriel liked her portfolio and wants to have a meeting in a couple of weeks.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: A chapter I'm excited for where Chat Noir - realizing he can't just act like "himself" around Marinette - thinks All Is Lost already, until he sees her late-night drawing at a Parisian landmark. He cheers her up, and escorts her home, where she offers for him to use her balcony as a safe haven for whenever he's feeling overwhelmed or lonely or whatever. This is his in, and the start of the MariChat friendship he needs.
• I want another akuma attack here to really shake things up between the duo and show the status quo has shifted slightly, but I don't know what I want to do here. I have no akuma planned, no way to take down said akuma, or any real vision of how the battle should go; how the "status quo" between them shifted.
• I want some "MariChat goodness" but have no clue what that "goodness" is; just showcasing them building up that friendship, while also pushing the overall story forward. There should probably also be an akuma in there somewhere since Hawk Moth won't go too long without sending one out.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: A scene I love where Marinette is nervous about finally going to her meet-up with Gabriel in order to talk about her designs. She wishes she still had the lucky bracelet she gave to Adrien, and longingly draws a sketch of it. Chat Noir, while visiting, sees the drawing, and Marinette proceeds to tell him about the origins of the trinket. Chat Noir is overwhelmed by her kindness, and lets her know how great she is. This is the first time Chat Noir ever gushed about how "amazing" Marinette is; up until that point he's only shown such affection towards Ladybug. It's the start of Marinette having romantic feelings back towards him; too subtle for her to pick up on it.
• The dynamic between Adrien and Marinette shifts slightly: he sees her kindness in a new light, and she's not as flustered around him because she's distracted by Chat Noir's words the night before. I have no clue how this scene actually goes down, though.
• Marinette finally has her meet-up with Gabriel, he offers to take her under his wing, and she sticks around a touch to hang out with Adrien, showcasing how much more comfortable around him she's getting (but not TOO much).
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: One of my favorite scenes where Chat Noir discovers Marinette's "dirty little secret." She makes him treats to thank him for calming her down enough to no longer panic (as much) over her meet-up with Gabriel. She even managed to keep her cool (mostly) around Adrien, thanks to Chat Noir. Problem with her making the treats is that Chat Noir surprises her when he arrives, and she accidentally coats him with them. Not thinking, she brings him inside her room - for the first time - in order to clean up at her sink. He sees the multitude of Adrien photos she has everywhere. Seeing them, and adding in the info he just discovered about the bracelet, he FINALLY figures out that she has a crush on Adrien. With some hemming and hawing, she confesses that she does love him, but is completely incapable of telling him. Chat Noir, being so elated by this info that he forgot his initial plan of wooing her as his superhero self first, pushes for her to confess to Adrien. When she talks about why she can't, he tells her to picture Adrien as Chat Noir to at least help her open up to him a bit more: "maybe he'll be the one to ask you out instead." Realizing he may have said too much, Chat Noir leaves, but tells Marinette he'll be back the next night to see how that trick worked.
• The next scene is a bit incomplete and awkward, but I try to have Marinette try the "picture him as Chat Noir" trick the next day at school. Not only does it work - she can talk to him (mostly) fine - but it makes her really think about the awesome qualities both Adrien and Chat Noir share; showcasing how she's falling for Chat Noir more.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: While thinking of Chat Noir's good qualities, and how much she cares about him, Marinette also thinks about the amount of times he shields her from things; potentially sacrificing himself for her. This freaks her out, and she talks to him about it that night; kind of hijacking Chat Noir's probe into how her discussions with Adrien went. During the conversation, Chat Noir pours out his heart about how in love with Ladybug he is, and how he'd do anything he can to keep her safe. Marinette reminds him that he may be keeping her PHYSICALLY safe, but what is he doing to her mental health by being so "reckless"? He promises to try to stay safer, for "both their sakes," but admits that he'll never stop being Ladybug's shield because it would break him too much if anything happened to her. Chat Noir again leaves, and Marinette is officially torn between Chat Noir and Adrien. Realizing how much CN loves her, and knowing that she's starting to feel just as strong about him, tugs against the feelings she's had for Adrien, especially since they're FINALLY making some ground with their own relationship.
• I can't quite figure out which POV I want to use here.
• Option 1: Combine this scene with the previous one of Marinette talking with Adrien; keeping both fairly short. This way I can showcase Marinette's growing affection towards Chat Noir, and her reaction to finding out he's truly and fully in love with her superhero side.
• Option 2: Have more build-up with the Adrien scene so it's capable of being its own chapter, and then focus on Chat Noir's POV for this scene. That way I can showcase both his surprise that he's putting so much undue stress on Ladybug/Marinette, and also his reasoning behind not easing up on his protection for her.
• Akuma attack where, despite his best efforts to keep his promise to Marinette, Chat Noir gets pretty beaten up in the battle in order to buy Ladybug enough time to stay out of range and figure out how to defeat the villain. She can't concentrate though, because she's distracted by Chat Noir getting hurt; now knowing the true reason behind him putting himself in danger so frequently. She runs to him to check that he's okay, and to try to rescue him from further harm, nearly causing her to get hurt. They briefly flee so they can talk, and he basically tells her "I'll be fine, especially after you use your Miraculous Ladybugs, so you need to keep your head in the game." She re-centers herself, and they re-attack the akumatized villain; saving the day.... somehow.
• I have no akuma planned, let alone a plan to take said akuma down.
• The next scene would go one of two ways depending on whose POV I'd be up to when I get to it.
• Adrien's POV: He realizes that he may have actually hit his goal of Marinette falling in love with his superhero self. He also realizes how dangerous it is for their dynamic to have shifted so much; he might have put her in danger with his selfish desire to have her fall in love with him. He's not sure what to do next to help LB get her head back on straight, and Plagg - so helpfully - suggests that "if she's going to be super protective anyway; now seems a good time to let her know who you are." Plagg's reasoning: either they can FINALLY start dating, since she's going to be protective anyway, or confessing everything will piss her off enough to not care, and she can go back to focusing on the akumas.
• Marinette's POV: She is freaking out over how she handled the last akuma attack, and Tikki walks a tightrope between trying to calm Marinette down while also agreeing that she needs to stay focused on the akumas over Chat Noir. Marinette also laments that NOW is when Adrien is finally showing her affection. Her desire to be with Adrien is within her reach, but NOW is when she's not sure she wants it anymore. She realizes that there is no future with Chat Noir: for one, it's distracting her, and for another they can't know who they are, so how can they have a relationship? At the same time, how can she have a relationship with Adrien if half her heart is with Chat Noir, how is that fair to Adrien? How can she go back to only thinking of CN as a dear friend?
• Maybe I split both scenes up into their own chapters?
• For reasons I haven't figured out yet, Adrien decides to "test" Marinette to see if she truly does want a relationship with Chat Noir. The day after the akuma attack, Adrien officially asks Marinette out on a date. She's still so torn and unsure of what to do that she doesn't answer him. Alya, assuming Marinette's just in shock, answers yes for her, and sets up a meet-up at the park at 7pm. Adrien agrees, and walks off. Alya demands she helps Marinette get ready for the date, but Marinette waves her off, saying she needs time to process everything, and runs home. There, she freaks out again (?) and transforms into Ladybug to run way and clear her head.
• As opposed to Marinette freaking out again, perhaps have the above POV freak out here???? I'm still sorting this kind of stuff out.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: Chat Noir finds Ladybug at the Eiffel Tower. He had intended to go to her balcony as Chat Noir and confess his love to Marinette; asking her out as his superhero self to see which she prefers. When he gets to her balcony, he spots Ladybug running across the roof of their school, and follows her. That's how he found her at The Tower, and claims he was "on patrol" and saw her running across the rooftops; he followed in case there was an akuma attack he didn't know about. As they talk on the tower, she admits that she has a date lined up with a guy she's loved "for forever" but now she's torn because of her new feelings for Chat Noir. He asks for them to be together; to know each other's identities finally so they could date. She again refuses, and begs him to stop asking since they can never know. He asks why, refusing to accept the reason "for safety", accidentally confessing that "for safety" is a moot point since he already knows who she is. He then confesses to his spying on Marinette in PT, and she freaks out. She runs away from him without a word.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: This is probably my favorite scene/chapter, but I do need to add more to the front of it, and have Tom gush more about his daughter's first date. Anyway, Marinette gets ready for her date with Adrien, the entire time thinking about how betrayed she feels about Chat Noir spying on her and finding out who she is. While her parents and Alya fuss over Marinette, excited for the upcoming date, Marinette is sort of numb to the idea. Alya thinks it's Marinette overthinking things, and tells her to just have fun. She shoos Marinette across the street to the park for her date. Now alone at the carousel, Tikki asks Marinette if she wants to postpone the date. Marinette yells that she's loved Adrien for too long to let Chat Noir ruin this date for her. She then huffs more about how long CN has known her secret, how their whole relationship has been a sham, and how he probably planned the whole thing when he found her at the landmark; the night she offered him her balcony. That's when she realized that he didn't know about her love for Adrien at the time, and that he was pushing Marinette towards Adrien, all while still confessing his undying love for Ladybug. While that made sense when she thought he thought she was two different people, it now makes no sense that Chat Noir would want Ladybug to love him, while he was also rooting for Marinette to end up with Adrien. She then remembers Chat Noir's advice to picture Adrien as CN, and realizes that it DOES make sense, if Adrien were Chat Noir.
• ESTABLISHED SCENE: Now fully freaked out and pissed, Marinette storms up to Adrien, who arrives to the carousel a couple minutes later, and demands to meet Plagg. Adrien, tells her to keep her voice down, and they agree to move their date to his house so they have privacy to talk within his room. They pretend they are going to watch a movie, and once Adrien is certain Nathalie and his bodyguard aren't listening, they start to have a heart-to-heart about the whole situation he put them in.
• LESS- ESTABLISHED PORTION OF CLIMACTIC SCENE: As of right now, I have this conclusion bouncing between POVs, and it's three chapters long! I need to reorganize, and shorten, and the whole nine. They just have so much to discuss, that I don't know where to cut because I don't want this argument to resolve TOO quickly.
• Plagg and Tikki have to have their own argument about whether or not it's a good thing that Adrien and Marinette now know.
• Marinette has to dump onto Adrien how betrayed and manipulated she feels, and Adrien has to agree that he has been a jerk, but wasn't sure what other options he had given the circumstances.
• Marinette then wonders if Adrien ever truly loved her, or if he now loved Marinette because he knew she's Ladybug. He lets her know that he was falling for Marinette before he knew, and that it's only natural that he loves Marinette if he loves Ladybug, because the parts of Ladybug he loves are all parts that Marinette also showcases. She doesn't truly change between the two personas, aside from having a confidence boost, but he does find her shy and clumsy civilian side endearing.
• He then tries to confirm that she does love his goofy, laid-back Chat Noir side, and not just the "perfect" Adrien she interacts with in school every day.
• Marinette points out that she's still pissed off at him - especially the Chat Noir side - and so now probably wasn't the best time to ask those questions, but, she admits that she does love all of him. That the goofy side looks good on him - as long as it's when Paris isn't in danger - and that he should feel more comfortable acting that way as Adrien.
• Their grievances aired out, promises to adhere to basic privacy made, and plans to keep their identities hidden from Hawk Moth ironed out, the two agree to date. They have their Happily Ever After with their first official Adrienette kiss. 

OKAY! SPOILERS OVER NOW! YOU CAN START READING AGAIN IF YOU SKIPPED THE LAST PART!

Phew, that was a lot more than I thought I had figured out when I started writing. I love being able to sort things out via this blog. I don't know why, but doing exactly what I did in that Spoiler section above - but not on this blog - didn't result in as much of an outline as I just wrote up. Something about the framing of this blog, and the idea of talking about this story with people, really helps.

So, even if you breezed past that Spoiler section, thank you. Knowing I'm "talking" to someone about my story really does help unknot things for me. I just wish I had more people I could physically talk to about this story.

Hubby tries, but with my longer fanfiction he tends to shrug when it comes to advice. And for whatever reason, I feel like there's MORE that I need to explain with my fanfiction than I do with original works??? So I talk to him about that less frequently. I honestly don't get it, especially when I JUST sorted out that HE is my Muse more often than not. I guess I feel like I'm overburdening him? That his eyes glaze over? I could 100% be wrong about that, but it's how I feel for whatever reason.

My other friends that I would normally talk story with I kinda can't. Either they don't know the show, and therefore can't really help to come up with a plan of attack, or they do know the show, but are also readers of mine and would prefer no spoilers.

Then again, I sorted things out a touch simply by "talking" to you fine folks, and you aren't even responding to me. So maybe just talking it out with the friends who don't know the show COULD help? They, much like Hubby, might shrug with no suggestions of their own, but perhaps just airing out my story will help me unknot it?

Either way, my point is that right now I have this large thread of ideas and possibilities, with scenes I LOVE laced throughout. I don't want to give up those scenes, but I also don't want to wave the white flag and go "Here's a chapter from my abandoned story; here's the set up:" It's probably not for the best, though, to keep stressing myself out so much with this story....

GAAAAAAAH! WHY IS WRITING SO HARD!!!!????

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I have Writing Group tonight, and for NaNo we do Writing Sprints. Meaning, we don't do our normal "get together; read off what we've written since last session, and critique each others' works." Instead, we set a timer to 10minutes, and just.... write. Then when the timer goes off, we discuss for 10minutes about what we just wrote; some of us might even read it off. Then, when the timer goes off again, we're back to 10 straight minutes of writing. Then another 10minutes of discussion. Repeat for the full 2hrs we're there tonight. By the time we're done, I'll have written for the equivalent of an hour. These sprints are usually where I play massive catch-up on my stories during November.

That's not going to work, however, if I don't know WHAT I'm writing. Which is the main reason why I haven't done any yet this month.

I did try to at least spark some inspiration for the "generic MariChat goodness" bits in the middle. I did so using an old rule of thumb for writers: if you're stuck, read someone else's work. It relaxes your mind so it can quietly work in the background. It inspires you with scenes and/or storylines that you loved. Alternatively, it can inspire with scenes/storylines you HATED and want to change. While by no means did I hate anything Ronoxym wrote, I did feel like the characterization of Willow and Trish weren't quite right, and that had inspired me to write my own versions of his "Devon confesses to Willow" and "Arson and Lighter are dating" stories. I hoped the same thing would come about while reading MariChat fanfiction. Maybe I found a story I enjoyed, and wanted to re-interpret for OatS, or maybe I'll come across a good concept that I didn't like the execution of, and I could re-work it for OatS, or I could see storylines I wasn't a fan of, and after deciphering WHY I didn't like them, I could at least weed those thoughts out of the potential options. Thinning the field for my own MariChat story options.

While I didn't succeed in my goal of "maybe these stories will inspire some of my own," I DID manage to find a new writer that I'm greatly enjoying. They go by swishandflickwit on AO3, Twitter, and Tumblr. Most of their works seem to be based on the show "Lucifer" but I'm actually excited about that since I enjoy that fandom as well. Swish does have six ML stories, though, and I only have their two "big" stories left to read: one is 10,000+ words long and the other is 26,000+ words. The other four that I have had the time to read are quite lovely. They're simple, but the wording is so beautiful.

Here's a sample of some of my favorite lines from the various stories:

- Her sigh is a breeze flirting across his lips, the kind of cool air he had been searching for earlier that night.
(from Anywhere You Go (Let Me Go Too))

- Her hands on his face, he held her stare—because it took all of his carefully constructed restraint to hold himself up instead of collapsing in relief, because he had forgotten how to breathe and she was teaching him how, because he was drowning and her eyes were the surface.
(from Anywhere You Go (Let Me Go Too))

- With that same artist's hand, she outlined him, from the side of his face to his neck, digits charting filigree across his collarbones till she settled on the space above where his heart lay, and every point in which she touched him felt engraved into his very soul.
(from The Season of Giving)

- She wasn't sure she wanted to open that door either. She didn't think she could lie to him, not when she knew the shape of his grief and the color of his despair. It thrummed in her own veins till her very blood felt inky with sorrow and her lungs weighted with bereavement. Though it was unbeknownst to him, they were one and the same—a perfect match of melancholy.
(from Sweet Conversation)

- Now he was here but she was in the wrong form, the same person but with the mismatched set of shoulders to carry a hero's burden.
(from Sweet Conversation)

- There was an awkward beat of silence, the kind that came when a barrage of unexpected emotions were bared and the involved parties were unsure how to act or proceed.
(from Sweet Conversation)

- “Wanted,” he whispered as if he never heard the word, especially in relation to him.
(from Sweet Conversation)

- In the wake of her silence, Chat coughed, as if it could dispel the vulnerability he felt from his bones at having just admitted that.
(from Home for Me is Where You Are)

- He placed his hand on her waist and he had never scorned the protective covering of his leathers before today because his palm grazed the sliver of skin there. What was it about the night? He felt naked but not exposed, raw but not spent.
(from Home for Me is Where You Are)

Like I said, I still have to read the two longer works, and move on to the 33 "Lucifer" stories, but I'm loving this author's writing voice, and strongly suggest them to others. Fair warning for Sweet Conversation, however. It does discuss death, bereavement, and survivor's guilt slightly.

Generated by Bitmoji

As I mentioned, I read a LOT of MariChat fanfics over the past couple of days. I fell in love with swishandflickwit's writing style, and I've jotted down a few lines I liked from other stories, as well as concepts that piqued my interest. However, nothing really seemed to fit with my story, and there were - admittedly - some stories I had to pull the rip cord on for various reasons. Still, I think I plowed through about 24 or 25 MariChat one-shots in about 3 days?

When that didn't help my writer's block, however, I tried inspiring myself by creating the cover for OatS! I had a couple of ideas as to what I wanted. One was a rose in a vase, with The Bracelet either dangling off the vase, or lining the bottom of it. Option two would be more like this book cover I found in a simple Google Search.

But, instead of a blood trail, it would be the bracelet. I also have this alternative cover I found with a rose, and I'd add in the bracelet somehow:

Generic book cover sample
from BookCover4U

Book cover option 3 has nothing to do with roses and bracelets. Instead, it would be based on this book cover I found:

It would be a close-up of Marinette's eyes, and Chat Noir mirroring Adrien somehow. I think I like this one best, but after spending most of Sunday afternoon casually watching ML episodes while also watching the football games - football on my TV, and ML on my laptop - I have yet to find either of two scenarios that I'm looking for in order to make this cover.

Scenario 1: Adrien and Chat Noir having identical close-up angles so I can blend them together so one half of his face is Adrien and the other is Chat Noir.

Scenario 2: Adrien and Chat Noir posing similarly enough to have them mirror each other. Alternatively, both of them sitting, similar to that book cover above, so they can sit back-to-back. No dice.

I do have a ton of new reference pics, but nothing I can edit together for a cover idea I want. Maybe in December I'll attempt to use those reference pics as a basis for me to hand draw some fanart? See how that goes???

If there are any designers out there, and you have a concept you think I should try for my fanfic cover, please feel free to let me know in the comments. Maybe coming up with the cover WILL inspire me to write.

Hacker Girl Facebook
sticker by Birdman, Inc

Oh, and a final side note, it's probably pretty event by now, but I didn't manage to get a Halloween fanfic story done after all. Halloween actually went by in such a flash I didn't even take the time to hop on Tumblr and promote my other Halloween-y stories I've written in the past. Opportunity lost.... But, hey, I have the opening of a Halloween-themed fanfic I could finish NEXT year, and perhaps I'll have time to absorb new content to the point where the story flows better than I have it right now. 

Who knows how much my writing will improve in the next year?

My first step, though, should probably be to stop avoiding working on OatS. We'll see what magic comes about during those writing sprints tonight.

Wish me luck... and that I don't become TOO addicted to coffee this month....