And the Failing Continues

This NaNoWriMo is not going well. I'll confess that right now.

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I guess I just haven't been in a good mental state lately. I debated caving in and working on a different story since "One and the Same" has been such a pain. However, I don't even have motivation for THAT. No new plot-bunny ideas, no inspiration for existing ones, no drive to work on converting Blame Fate for This into novel-length, nothing. More often than not, I end up staring into the void.

Not even last week's writing sprints at Group helped me. In part, I think it's because it was a bit less organized than it usually is. We must have been rusty.

I always thought we had done ten-minutes-on, ten-minutes-off. Or maybe it was 15 and 15? Well, this go we did 20 and 20, and the first 20 was already in session when I showed up at 6 last week. Apparently the three ladies that were there at about 5:30 decided to go ahead and start early, so they were in the middle of a sprint when I arrived. Then the discussions were an awkward 20-off because no one really had enough to say to fill the full 20, but whenever we decided to wave the flag and just cut the discussion side early, THAT was when someone had a question about their work or wanted to read, and then we had to cut them off in order to get back into writing. We also ended up ending our last writing session at like 7:45, and the library closed at 8, so we didn't have the full 20minutes to discuss what we just worked on, but that somehow meant we weren't going to bother discussing anything????

I hope it runs smoother tonight. I also hope I become inspired. Most of last week's sprints were used to slowly edit more passages I already wrote, and filter through my many different outlines I have for this dang story. In the end, I think I wrote 250 words, none of which I think I'll be keeping, even though they are literally the only words I've written so far for NaNo.

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I had actually used my spoiler-y rundown of my outline that I posted here last week. I had more things figured out, and I hoped using that "outline" as my latest one could help.

It did not... on the writing end of things, at least.

So, my first outline was exactly how it sounds: a bulleted list of plot points I wanted throughout my story. When that didn't work out for me, I went with the Snowflake Outline method created by Randy Ingermanson. The problem I had with that, though, was the dual storylines for Adrien and Marinette, and how they should intertwine in a manner that works with a basic three-act structure: inciting incident, call to action, central conflict, end of Act I, first culmination, midpoint, main culmination, third act twist, climax, and resolution. I studied the four-act structure to see if that could be a good alternative, but I just can't break down my story that way.

I also tried to write something a bit more in-depth for my outline at one point. So I have a 4pg document where I have paragraphs describing what happens in a sort of Sparknotes type summary. Things have changed so much since I wrote that, and the middle still has things like "insert MariChat goodness here" so that hasn't really proven helpful either.

I attempted to break down the chapters; knowing who would have what chapter, and how many I'd be aiming for. This is how I know I'm looking at roughly a 25 chapter story. This outline helped slightly, but it also still has a large chunk of the middle missing with similar "MariChat Goodness" notes without any real thought as to what those scenes are. There's also chapters in there that I don't know if I need, but I have them there to keep the alternating pattern of Marinette gets a chapter, then Adrien does, then back to Marinette.

All of this means that last week's impromptu outline here on my blog was outline attempt number... five??? Not including updates to the other outline formats. It was better, and I started filtering it into that chapter breakdown outline, but it still left me wondering "do I need this chapter?" I already have so many scenes for that "deleted chapters" project I'll publish once OatS is done. I really don't want to needlessly or even intentionally add to it if I don't have to.

So my latest outline attempt breaks things down even FURTHER. It's been a slow - oh, so painfully slow - process, but I think I'm FINALLY getting somewhere.

I now ask myself five questions for each chapter:

1. What is the scene I'd like to show?
2. Whose point-of-view should it be in?
3. Which plotline - either main or sub - does this scene cover?
4. What does the scene resolve with regards to that plotline?
• Alternatively: How does the scene CREATE the new plotline?
5. How does the scene advance that plotline?
• Alternatively: How does the scene CONCLUDE the plotline?

I even break down those questions further. If a scene actually covers multiple plotlines, what are all of them? How does each plotline interact with the other ones in the scene? How does each one advance their part of the overall story?

And that's my key: how does the scene push the story forward? I keep getting stuck because there are lovely, fluffy, breather chapters in the middle. People will most likely keep reading just for the fluff. That's how a lot of fanfiction words - indulgent fluff that doesn't necessarily resolve much more than our own desires for the characters to cuddle or blush or kiss - and it's something fanfiction readers gladly consume; me included. There's nothing wrong with writing fluff. There's nothing wrong with fanfic chapters pausing the overall story in order to have fun self-indulgent, fanservice-y chapters. I want to stress that by no means am I trying to shame writers who do this, or shame readers who love this, or state that it is an invalid storytelling tactic. It totally is valid, and lovely, and great for when you just need a lovely pick-me-up.

For ME, however? If I'm writing self-indulgent fluff, I try to keep it as a one-off that people can just quickly flip to whenever they want. For my chaptered stories, I try to write them as close to professionally as possible so that I'm well-practiced for when I write an original story to try to publish. So I'm pushing myself now to always focus on the "how does this advance the story?" question. I was able to almost instinctively create always-advancing chapters for Peeping Tomcat, so having to THINK about how each chapter pushes the story forward has been hard.

For an example, I'll use PT. If you haven't read the story yet, and still wish to, I'll throw up a spoiler warning.

• Chapter 1: Mistake
• This chapter establishes the plot and subplots of the story
• Main Plot: Adrien enjoys becoming Chat Noir and spying on Marinette in order to learn more about her.
• Subplot A: Adrien's feelings for Marinette are more than he realizes
• Subplot B: Feeling inadequate and inferior as a superhero
• Subplot C: Adrien's rocky relationship with his father
• Also sets up the next chapter by having the readers ask the question "will he spy again?"
• Chapter 2: Itch
• Continues the main plot of Adrien spying, while giving further justification as to why he slid down the slippery slope.
• Also covers Subplot A in that he questions why he's so intrigued by Marinette
• Sets up Subplot D: Adrien trying to find a way to promote Marinette's work; AKA the Marinette's Portfolio subplot that will spill into OatS.
• Also sets up the next chapter by asking the question "how will he stop his new addiction, and will he be caught?"
• Chapter 3: Opportunity
• Continues the main plot by giving Adrien an "out" of his new obsession of watching Marinette.
• Continues Subplot A by having a sweet moment between Adrien and Marinette, potentially hinting at more than friendship between them.
• Mildly continues Subplot C by commenting about Adrien finally being ungrounded.
• Continues Subplot D by having Adrien ask about Marinette creating a portfolio for his father to see.
• Establishes the Status Quo - sort of - of Adrien's dynamic with Marinette
• "Adrienette Goodness" but with a point. I need to do the same with the MariChat scenes in OatS
• Sets up the next chapter by establishing the scene: they're going to the mall to watch a movie.
• Chapter 4: Normal
• Mostly focuses on Subplot A by making Adrien question his feelings for Marinette, and her feelings for him.
• Also sets up the akuma attack in the next chapter.
• Chapter 5: Mimicker
• Mostly focuses on Subplot B by showcasing that Chat Noir actually is a partner on equal footing with Ladybug.
• He's even crucial to the battle, because he's the one keeping LB in check so she can focus on what's important: defeating the akuma. If it weren't for CN, she wouldn't even know where the akuma was hiding since she wasn't going to listen to the person who had the best knowledge about it.
• Also showcases how Adrien feels about Ladybug, which will affect Subplot A
• Sets up the next chapter by already hinting at parallels between Ladybug and Marinette, as well as Adrien's focus on Marinette; his addiction to watching her calling to him slightly even during the attack.
• Chapter 6: Parallels
• Equal focus on the Main Plot - Chat Noir recapping his week of spying, as well as him spying again in that chapter - as well as Subplot A in how he views Marinette.
• He starts really seeing parallels between Marinette and Ladybug, hinting at him realizing his crush on Marinette
• It sets up the next chapter by having Adrien wonder what it would be like if Marinette acted more relaxed and confident in school.
• Chapter 7: Confusion
• Main focus on Subplot A: Adrien truly questioning why he likes watching Marinette, as well as questioning his feelings for Ladybug if he's starting to grow a crush on Marinette.
• Subplot A now shifts to Does Adrien Like Marinette for Marinette, or Because She Reminds Him of Ladybug
• Nods to the Main Plotline by having him spy on her outside of the costume, and question his addiction to watching her in the first place.
• Sets up Subplot E: Confessing to Marinette/Ladybug about his spying
• Minor advancement of Subplot D by having Adrien ask for Marinette's portfolio in the near future.
• Sets up the next chapter by having him feel guilt-ridden over his betrayal of both Marinette and Ladybug, as well as sets up his inability to sleep
• Chapter 8: Guilt
• Main focus is on Subplots A and E.
• Subplot A is advanced as he watches Marinette's attempt to give him soup. He now knows that she's more than a proxy for Ladybug.
• Subplot A shifts slightly again as Adrien is now torn between his affection for Marinette and his love for Ladybug.
• Subplot E makes up most of the chapter as Adrien struggles with whether or not to confess, and when would be the best time to do so.
• Touches upon the Main Plot with Subplot E
• Sets up the akuma for the next chapter
• Chapter 9: Terravenger
• Largely focused on Subplot B, especially since Chat Noir is too distracted by the Marinette/Ladybug thing to be any proper help during the attack.
• This is to show the contrast with the first akuma of the story, and how this whole story's plot is affecting him.
• Partially Subplot A with Adrien's conflicting feelings for Ladybug and Marinette - and his concern for Marinette's safety - being what is distracting him.
• Sets up the next chapter by bringing Adrien to his lowest.
• Chapter 10: Failure
• Starts with Subplot B: he is at his lowest with regards to feeling unfit to be a hero, especially with the add-on of misusing his powers to spy
• Subplot A: he focuses more on his relationship with Marinette, and thinks of her even when talking with Ladybug
• Hints at Subplot C as he thinks about his life without being Chat Noir anymore
• Teasing Subplot E as Adrien again debates letting Marinette know
• This chapter doesn't actually have the best transitional bits, but it does end on such a low note that perhaps that's what got people to continue reading?
• Chapter 11: Truth
• The main focus of the overall story; everything was aiming for this point, and the remaining chapters resolve what happens in this chapter.
• Main Plot of Chat Noir spying escalates as his spying reveals who Ladybug is
• Subplot E initiates the chapter as Adrien decides he HAS to confess, and do so ASAP
• Subplot A: He falls further for Marinette, but then finds out who she truly is, sending him in a whirlwind again
• Sets up the next chapter by asking the question "now what?" with regards to Adrien's knowledge 
• Chapter 12: Crisis
• The Main Plotline now asks the question "what does Adrien do with his knowledge of who Ladybug is?"
• Subplot A switches back to "Does Adrien like Marinette for Marinette, or because she's Ladybug"
• Subplot B now has the added layer of Adrien betraying Ladybug's rule of keeping their identities secret, and his concern of how this might affect each of them continuing as LB and CN.
• There's also elements of Subplot E as Adrien goes back to questioning if he should confess, and if so, how much should he confess.
• It sets up a minor plotline of Plagg and Tikki being twins kept apart because CN and LB can't know who the other is.
• It sets up the next chapter by asking the question "How will Adrien act around Marinette in school the next day?"
• Chapter 13: Decision
• The Main Plot is advanced by Adrien deciding what to do with the information he garnered from spying.
• Subplot A is advanced as Adrien decides he definitely loves Marinette for who she is, not because she's Ladybug. He realizes he's loved her from day one, but didn't realize it because his love for LB was too great. Subplot A then changes to "How to get Marinette to Love Chat Noir?"
• Subplot E is hinted at as Adrien tries to figure out how and when to confess without losing Marinette or his miraculous
• Another chapter that didn't have a great build-up for the rest of the story.
• Chapter 14: Announcement
• Mostly focuses on Subplot B, with Ladybug telling all of Paris why Chat Noir is the reason she's even a hero.
• There's also some Subplot A as Adrien again realizes a relationship with Marinette isn't worth anything if she can't also love Chat Noir
• Sets up the next chapter by suggesting a Chat Noir Appreciation day
• Chapter 15: Heaven
• Adrien at his highest throughout this story
• Resolves Subplot C by having Gabriel visit his son, speak kindly to him, listen to his suggestion, and allowing Adrien to hang out with his friends instead of doing a signing for the Gabriel brand.
• Has elements of Subplot A as Adrien gushes about how amazing Marinette is.
• Nods to Subplot D as Adrien asks if he can still collect Marinette's portfolio soon.
• Sets up the next chapter by having an akuma attack
• Chapter 16: Appreciation
• Largely focuses on Subplot B by having Chat Noir late to the battle, debating his worth again, then helping figure out the akuma, and finally going through the appreciation festival.
• There's of course instances of Subplot A as the duo hangs out during the festival.
• Nod to Subplot D again as Adrien again references the portfolio
• Hints at Subplot E as Adrien wonders what to tell Ladybug when they meet up later.
• Sets up the last chapter with the LadyNoir meet-up.
• Chapter 17: Purpose
• Largely touches upon Subplot E as Chat Noir confesses to misusing his powers, but still leaves the plotline unresolved since he doesn't confess to spying with them, spying on MARINETTE with them, or knowing that Ladybug is Marinette.
• The open-ended, unresolved nature of the Confession Subplot creates one of the main subplots to "One and the Same"
• Touches upon Subplot A more by having Adrien just bask in his newly discovered love for Marinette.
• The resolution to the Wooing Marinette as Chat Noir subplot becomes one of the main plot lines in OatS
• Subplot B is resolved. Chat Noir feels honored by the appreciation festival, he feels more capable after the latest akuma, he knows Ladybug thinks of him as an equal, and she didn't shame him after his confession. He still feels guilty about withholding information, but he's confident he can keep her secret, and that he IS a good superhero that Paris equally needs.
• Subplot D is partially resolved as Adrien picks up the portfolio
• The Portfolio subplot continues in OatS

OKAY! SPOILERS OVER NOW! YOU CAN START READING AGAIN IF YOU SKIPPED THE LAST PART!

It's a lot easier to create outlines like that AFTER the story is written. I guess this is why a lot of experts say to not focus on a cohesive plot or subplots until after the first draft is done. Then you can go through - as I did - and see what plots you have, and how they flow. I'm not waiting though. It's been over a year, and clearly the story isn't going anywhere as is. So I'm trying to break down the outline similar to how I did in that spoiler section.

As I mentioned forever ago now, it has been helping, although it's still a painfully slow process to fill in the bits I don't already have written. I'm still trying to figure out akumas too.

Wolfhearted was over the other day, and suggested someone having a terrible day, and the simple thing that pushed them over the edge was a button snapping off their favorite shirt. It's an easy fix, but we've all been there: something simple now feels like the end of the world due to stress. I even thought of naming the akuma Last Straw or Breaking Point or something along those lines. The button would be the akumatized object. I even thought of the villain spreading their stress and poor luck by jinxing those they interact with. Kind of a combination of Reverser and Troublemaker. I like the concept. I'm really feeling it.

It won't really work for my story though. I can't really see how a jinx-causing akuma would benefit the two main chapters I have in mind for akumas. My main problem with akumas is coming up with ones that have the proper attack and purpose for the story. Canonically, akumas usually have some sort of significance in pushing the Civilian Plotline forward.

• Weredad dealt with Marinette's supposed heart break
• Gigantitan showed Marinette that perhaps complicated plans aren't the best way to achieve something.
• Oblivio gave Marinette and Adrien a chance to get out of their own way when it comes to their relationship
• Glaciator focused on how Ladybug treats Chat Noir's love for her
• Ikari Gozen taught Marinette to better appreciate Kagami, as well as taught Kagami to allow others to take the lead on occasion. 
• Miracular showcased how dangerous it is for Hawk Moth to know who another wielder is. 
• Gorizilla focused on Adrien's need to see a movie starring his mother, even if it means trying to escape his father, bodyguard, and fans.
• Desperada taught Adrien that he's best suited to be Chat Noir, and shouldn't try to change to appease Ladybug.

So on and so forth. As for the akumas I created for PT, their purpose is a bit more broad:

• The first one needed to trip Ladybug up somehow so Chat Noir can shine and showcase his superhero prowess.
• The second one needed to be difficult enough to pose a potential threat to Marinette so Chat Noir would be distracted. It also needed to be difficult enough that it was a trial for Ladybug, but not so difficult that she couldn't solve it alone.
• The final akuma needed to be simple enough that readers wouldn't mind it being sort of handwaved over, and it needed to showcase Ladybug and Chat Noir being an equal team again.

So, for OatS, my akuma needs are:

• Something that can establish the Status Quo between LB and CN, but also showcase the threat of an LB and CN reveal.
• Akuma 2 needs to get Marinette and Adrien to focus on their new arrangement with the balcony.
• Akuma 3 needs to be another handwave-y villain, and there might be others that need to just be mentionable without much more to go off of.
• Akuma 4 needs to be a very physical akuma
• There may need to be an Akuma 5 as well, but I still haven't figured out the purpose. Perhaps this could be where that bad luck akuma could go?

My point being, I'm not entirely sure if a bad-luck-causing akuma works with my overall story, but it could be a start for figuring out ones that WOULD work with my story.

I... I just don't know.

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The last two episodes of Miraculous Ladybug season 3 aired/are airing this week. I hope that maybe watching those, and then backtracking to watch the season finale that randomly aired about a month ago, will help me sort things out better.

That doesn't help me now though. What helps me now is potentially that new outline breakdown. So wish me luck. And send me some surplus energy you might have because I am toast.

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I hope to have some better news for you guys next week.

Finally, before I go, I want to send a grand thank you to any military personnel who might be reading. Yesterday was Veteran's Day in the US, and I want to show my greatest appreciation to those who have volunteered for service, and those who were drafted into service. You all are, or have done, work I can't imagine being strong enough to handle in any shape or form: physically, mentally, or emotionally. Same goes to military family members; I can only imagine the stress and drain of having a family member in the military, and you all astound me with your resilience and positivity.

So, thank you, Veterans, for your service.

Sorry, I've had this image for so long
I have no clue where it originated from.
Possibly created by Felix L. Griffin