I'm Done With Roller Coasters

This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster. Mostly a series of downs, but just enough ups to keep the “ride” going.

Last week, a coworker lost her dad after spending a week in and out of the hospital with him. I feel her pain, and I am so sorry for her loss. I'm glad I was able to be there for her. But a selfish part of me is exhausted from working nearly two weeks straight, Sunday through Saturday. My only time off was a snow day on the 2nd, and a half-day the following Friday. It's been mentally draining, and I'm a bit burnt out.

On top of that, I found out last week that a college friend of mine, who I knew was struggling with his depression, committed suicide. Another light gone needlessly. Another circle of survivors left behind wondering “What If” as they rack their brains wondering how he could have been saved. A lot of emotional drain to add to my mental exhaustion.

My friend is deeply missed, and probably more so than he ever fathomed. It saddens me that I've already advocated this so many times on this blog, but I will keep doing so until there is no longer a need.

You ARE loved.

You WILL be missed.

You ARE NOT a burden.

I know it's hard to ignore those dark voices in your mind telling you otherwise. I know that every day is a struggle to quiet those negative thoughts. However, you should know that there IS help. Please, PLEASE, ask for it.

And for those of you who think “Reach Out” is pathetic advice, because OF COURSE you would reach out if it was that easy, please read this article on HOW to do so when you're struggling.

And print yourself this image:

I'm actually going to share that link again, because it's so important:
10 Ways to 'Reach Out' When You're Struggling with Your Mental Health.

Keep trying to fight and hold on. Your life does have value. And I will keep using the limited platform I have with this blog to tell you that over and over again.

As one could probably expect with the week I just had, I wasn't really in the mindset to write anything this week. I still haven't come up with an akuma idea. I didn't finish editing all fifteen chapters of “Peeping Tomcat.” I didn't succeed in my goal(s) for Writers’ Huddle's winter challenge.

Progress was made, though. Mostly with reading.

Trying to avoid in-depth thinking while still escaping reality for a bit, I managed to finish off "Oblivion." It was definitely a strong second novel by Ali Luke. You can hop on Amazon to read my full review, but the long and short is this:

• Her already good writing improved.
• I loved the character development she had, including getting me to finally sympathize with Mark!
• The pacing was a lot more intense in this installment.
• I still think, much like in "Lycopolis," Kay – clearly the main hero – doesn't get enough page-time.
• I will always think there needs to be more Brandon, even though I understand why that wouldn't work from a narrative standpoint.
• My only critique is that the climactic fight scene has so many players and locations involved, along with multiple POVs. It gets a bit confusing at parts as to what exactly is going on. That's the only snafu for me, though.

All-in-all, while I had a similar thought with “Lycopolis,” I truly feel like “Oblivion” would make an awesome movie. Perhaps that can be a WIP for next year: a fan script adaptation. It would be good practice on how to cut a story down into 120 minutes of film. Finding what is truly essential, and how to visually showcase things that are perhaps easier to explain on paper. Might be a fun exercise.


I managed to download the Kindle app onto my dinky netbook so I could get started on Ali's concluding story “Dominon.” I'm about two chapters in and still firmly hate the set-up of the Kindle app. I don't know if e-books are more enjoyable to read on an actual tablet, where they are taller than they are wide, but trying to read on a computer screen means each page is only a couple paragraphs long. I'm not a fan of constant clicking to advance pages. If I had to read an e-book on my computer, I'd much prefer PDF files that I can read in Adobe Reader. The formatting is better for me, and I can just scroll down through the story instead of clicking "next".

It is kind of sad when it's a more enjoyable experience – when it comes to formatting and ease of reading – to go through fanfiction downloaded off of AO3, compared to the clunkiness of the Kindle app.

Oh well, at least I can now read Ali's latest book. I WILL be buying it again, though, if she ever opts to have a print version like she did with the first two. So, come on, Ali! Make double the profit off me!

It wasn't all reading to avoid daily drain this week. On Sunday, as a last-ditch effort to conclude my week with SOME progress, I went back through chapter ten of “Peeping Tomcat.” I then continued on to chapters eleven and twelve. I tried expanding both, but neither hit the 3000 word mark, so I ended up combining them. This dropped my over-all chapter count for the story back to fourteen. I still have the last two chapters to conquer, as well as going back to chapter nine. Also, after going back through what needs to happen in the ninth chapter, it may split into two: the akuma attack itself, and the aftermath of it before Adrien decides he HAS to confess to Marinette.

So, I have three, maybe four, chapters left to go before it's done. Not bad, really. The story, as is, surpassed the 51,000-word mark. Granted, I probably could have had the whole thing done in the six weeks if I really pushed, but about 80% done isn't all that shabby either. I still have enough that ChibiSunnie and Cyhyr should be able to get the basic idea and give me overall notes. And as for chapter-by-chapter notes, I'm far enough ahead that I could get started with those on just the intro chapters, and still publish the first chapter on April 6th, as I originally planned.

Right now the real sticky wicket is that both girls are really booked with their own lives. While Cy reassured me that she was super excited to start reading the story, and was antsy for me to be done so she could start reading, I also don't want to distract her too much from what else she needs to do for her own career. And Chibi is so nose to the grindstone right now to get her own story done that she barely has five minutes to eat. I know that she has to wait until May to start reading. I'm hoping that I can still get started on my postings and that she can jump in to help with the ending of the story.

My biggest concerns are as follows:

1. The first chapter is about ELEVEN pages long! I feel like it's just too long, but I don't know where to cut, or if I should chop it in half and have it be two chapters, or what to do with it.
2. Out of the first ten chapters, just about all of them average between 3500 and darn near 7000 words! Then, from the eleventh chapter on, I'm struggling to hit 3000 words! This story seems so unbalanced.
3. I still fear that I'm too inside Adrien's head, and that I'm making the story more complicated than it needs to be.
4. As it's my first fanfic within this fandom, I always fear I don't have characters in character, or the situation believable.

But I'm so close! Even if it ends up being a flop, I am sooooo close to having a 50,000+ word story DONE! I'm so close to actually completing a multi-chaptered story. I'm so close to being able to do something I never do outside one-shot stories: cross off a WIP from the list of stories waiting to be finished. This is a major milestone for me.

So, yay! Thanks to the reviewers and favoriters of the “Peeping Tomcat” teaser chapter and “The Birth of The Mimicker” for keeping me excited for this project. Thanks to Chibi and Cy for cheering me on and volunteering to beta. Thanks to my mom for always having my back. Thanks to Hubby for indulging me. Thanks to Ali for hosting the Winter Writing Challenge in order to keep me focused. Thank you all! I love my support group! Group hug!!!

Hacker Girl Facebook sticker
by Birdman, Inc.

Hacker Girl Facebook sticker
by Birdman, Inc.

And while I'm on this high swing, how about I finish by wishing my sister and my god-son belated birthdays! Hope you both enjoyed yourselves!

Now to go relax for a couple days. Recharge. And get some more work done!

Painful Week

This week didn't go well.....

I am still trying to figure out that second akuma attack chapter. So far, I came up with about four potential akumas, but none of them would work with this story. At least I have something for other fanfics. So, silver lining, I guess. Doesn't help with last week's goal though. Meh.

I've been trying to "research," as it were, other akuma options. I watched a few episodes again to try to remind myself how the akumas are already used canonically. I also spent about four hours flipping through fanart and fancomics, as well as read about five different fanfics, to try to see what others do for their akumas. I know I did this already back around November, but with potentially new stories, I was hoping I'd have better luck. Sadly, it's the same now as it was then: virtually no fanfic writers attempt to have an akuma attack.

Most ignore them completely. The writers that acknowledge them tend to just deal with them "off screen." Only a small few actually have Ladybug and Cat Noir fight akumas, and when they do, the akumas don't seem very canonical. It's fine, that's what fanfiction is for, but it doesn't help me try to come up with something more "true-to-show." Most fanfic-original akumas are either generic superhero villains, such as a wolf-man who is out to protect the stray dogs of Paris, or they are complete fanservice, such as a slighted lover who is now playing cupid and forcing people to fall into intense lust with each other; creating random make-out sessions in the street. Or the akuma is a complete political statement, such as a guy who gets angry about being "friend zoned" and tries to force Marinette to fall for him, claiming to be the "nice guy" while borderline sexually harassing our brave heroine. Sadly, I have yet to find an original akuma that feels like something Zagtoons and/or Thomas Astruc would actually create. So my week of research hasn't been much of a help in that regards.

I did find a few new writers that I'm now following, and one or two new fanart/fancomic artists that I'm keeping an eye on. In that light, the research was a win, I guess....

On top of the lack of inspiration or proper guide, I put myself on bedrest most of the week. Apparently, I'm now an 80+ year old woman, because I threw out my back while picking up a piece of paper this week. Yup. I was moving a bunch of heavier things around the store with no problem. Then, fast forward about a half our, and I bent down to pick up a piece of paper the delivery team left on the floor. Somewhere in my bending down and standing back up I pinched a nerve or pulled a muscle or something. My lower back has been throbbing all week. I've been slowly cutting back on both pain killers and time off my feet as the week progressed, so I know it's healing, but it still kept me sort of laid up.

Normally, especially because I have a laptop, you'd think I would get MORE writing done, since I can't really do anything else, and I'm in one place anyway. However, I've been sleeping more than I would like to admit. Probably my body trying to heal. The pain, or the meds to dull it, also kind of fog my head. That, plus the lack of progress in my research, really kept me stumped.

What it DIDN'T keep me from is reading. That's been my main distraction over the past week: reading Ali Luke's second book Oblivion. While someone like Rick Riordan either stays equally good or falls into an uncharacteristic slump, Ali definitely improved on an already great writing style. I have been completely drawn in, and have to purposely stop myself after x-chapters or x-minutes, otherwise I would devour the whole book in one sitting. Not great when I'm trying to savor the stories, and I also would fall further behind if I just avoided everything with reading.

I have more-or-less been doing precisely that anyway, though.

"Should I write?"
"Yeah, open up the file."
"I can't think of anything."
"Give it another five minutes."
"I think I'd rather read more Oblivion, perhaps that will inspire me."
"Oh, okay.... I'll write later..."

And yet later never arrives. Does it ever?

At least I have the fun privilege of being able to fangirl about a book and its characters with the actual AUTHOR of said book. So, that's cool. She seems to get a kick out of my gushing about her work, and I'm having fun being able to freak out to the person who WROTE THE THING I'M FREAKING OUT ABOUT. That's just awesome to me.

Hacker Girl Facebook sticker
by Birdman, Inc.

Another silver lining? I DID write/edit this week. I just polished chapter ten a week early, and then jumped over to chapter twelve to polish that one up too. I didn't do nearly as much writing/editing as I would have liked, and it was all for the "wrong" chapter(s), but it was better than no writing. Right?

OH! And speaking of which, I did manage to get something written before the close of February! About two hours before writing group, I went to take a shower. Man, I'm loving how my mind can wander in the shower - one benefit of my hair being so long it takes darn near ten minutes to wash! - because, much like the instant realization of the Lucky Charm I wanted to use for my one chapter, I also came up with a story for February.

I haven't played "Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild" yet, and it's been a little while since I've seen Hubby play it. Yet, that was precisely what popped into my head. I was trying to figure out an akuma, and somehow Link the silent protagonist, and his canonical reasoning for it in BotW, were what came up. Remembering the plot/canonical facts and events in BotW, presented via Link's lost memories and Zelda's diary, I wanted to show Zelda rage at Link for staying silent.

I practically had the whole thing written in my head as I showered and dried my hair. Managed to just barely get it poured out onto the page by the time it was my turn to read at group. My chapters for "Peeping Tomcat" are long. I will never get ahead of my posting schedule since writing group is only every OTHER week. I was excited about my BotW fanfic, written vaguely enough that it could be mistaken as original work. So I decided to not read any more "Peeping Tomcat" at writing group, and read that instead.

Granted, we only had about five minutes left of the meeting by the time I was done reading, so we couldn't really afford long critiques, but I did have a lot of people comment about how they enjoyed it. How it COULD have been original. How powerful and emotional it was. How a lot was said in such a short amount of time.

Why can't I write like this all the time? With such succinctness?

Anyway, since I wasn't sure if it would still be considered fanfiction to everyone, I went ahead and posted the story on fanfiction and original works sites alike.

"One Last Hope"

On DeviantArt     On FanFiction     On FictionPress   On Archive Of Our Own

The story has received only one review - "Good story obviously" - and a small collection of faves since it went up last Wednesday. By far not one of my most well known pieces, but I'm still proud of it. I think I'm most proud of being able to keep Link's, Zelda's, and Ganon's names out of the story so that it CAN be reworked, with only a little bit of tweaking, into something original. I might have to think about adjusting it to fit a Gyateara story someday.

I have yet to read a continuous, multi-chapter, WIP at writing group, and it bums me out that I had that opportunity with "Peeping Tomcat," but I think it's best for me and the other members if I just stick with these short one-shots and pick up generic critiques on my writing voice that way. We'll see where I go from here.

The big thing is to get back into writing my own stuff; to continue work on "Peeping Tomcat," but the struggle is kind of real. My one co-worker has had a family emergency that has kept her out of work all last week, and it looks to be keeping her on leave this week as well. So I haven't really had a day off except for Friday when the store was closed due to over three feet of snow in less than 24-hours. I also don't have as much down time at work as I thought I would, or I would normally get with said co-worker, so not much writing has been going on there.

I hope it's just the first week - maybe two - of the month that's shot, and not the whole month itself. I'm going to try to finish the writing challenge strong. Cheer me on, won't you? It helps.

Let's Play The Yay-Boo Game!

Well, folks, it's everyone's favorite game show!

It's. The.....

GAME!

Here's how you play. You have conflicted views/feelings about a subject, and you go back and forth about the yay's and boo's of that subject. Ready to play?

This week's subject is: My Writing Progress

I finished Chapter Eight of "Peeping Tomcat" with a few days to spare before I needed to check in over at Writers’ Huddle. First week I wasn't just squeaking in at the deadline! YAY!

The reason why I finished Chapter Eight so soon was because, while the rest of my chapters average at 5412 words, my latest didn't even hit 1600 words originally. BOO!

Yes, there are three chapters that skew the results one way or the other, my longest chapter being the one about the akuma attack which clocks in at 7560 words, and my previously shortest chapter was the lead-in to Adrien and Marinette's pseudo-date, which was only 3062 words. Here's the actual break-down:

Chapter 1: Mistake - 6978
Chapter 2: Itch - 3967
Chapter 3: Opportunity - 3062
Chapter 4: Normal - 4876
Chapter 5: Mimicker - 7560
Chapter 6: Parallels - 6804
   (I'm still debating calling chapter 6 "Epiphany" instead)
Chapter 7: Confusion - 4639

I have since been able to go back and add more definition to the story though. YAY!

But it was for the seventh chapter to bring that up to the above 4639 word count.... BOO!

HOWEVER! Yesterday I was able to steal away some time to add to Chapter Eight's word count, bringing it up to 2139 words, much closer to my minimum. Plus, I'm not done reworking it yet! YAY!

I really need to stop worrying about how short this chapter is, though, because this week's challenge is a second akuma attack, and I don't even have a starting point for this akuma. BOO!

I DO have some of the interaction I want between Chat Noir and Ladybug thanks to the akuma, though, and that's the whole point of the upcoming chapter.
Added bonus: if the chapters "Normal" and "Mimicker" are any indication, I'll probably have to introduce the akumatized character and the distressing event in Chapter Eight, as a lead-in to the actual akuma attack in Chapter Nine. Which means figuring out the akuma attack for Chapter Nine will help bring up Chapter Eight's word count. DOUBLE YAY!

The big problem, though, is that I've been so focused on this project of "Peeping Tomcat" that I didn't even think of a short to post this month. Which means I only have today and tomorrow to write, edit, and post something new online in order to keep with my new years resolution of something new published each month. On top of that, I don't have anything to share here for the month, AND, unless I get at least the writing done today, I again won't have anything to read at writer's group tonight. DOUBLE BOO!

AAAAAAAAnd, there we have it! The conclusion of our game! Let's see the results:

YAYs: 5              BOOs: 5

Well, looks like it was a tie game! Each up swing had its fall, each cloud had its silver lining!

Thanks for playing the

GAME!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program....

Okay, so for writer's group tonight, even though I probably won't have a new one-shot to read, I COULD start reading off "Peeping Tomcat" to hear their thoughts, add them to my betas' reactions once I send them the story, and see where I end up. As you saw above, though, each chapter is LOOOONG! But then again, isn't this the point of the group? To read off your WIPs and get reactions in order to better them? Sure, none of them know "Miraculous Ladybug", but don't I want opinions from non-fans to see if they understand the story? To make sure I'm explaining the scenes and episode events well enough that you don't NEED to watch the show to enjoy the story?

I'll see what I decide when I get there. If I'm one of the first to read, perhaps I'll just go full throttle and read off "Peeping Tomcat". If I have a new one-shot written, perhaps I'll read that to help polish it before posting tomorrow.

I'll let you know what I decided next week.

In the meantime, I finished my re-read of Lycopolis a couple of days ago.

I told Ali that, while my mind and world views have evolved since my first read, and I understand the characters better this go, I still had the following thoughts on each character:

• Seth is definitely the charmer he's supposed to be, but he's also a complete jerk, and it's masterful how Ali has him walk that line.
• Kay is a lovely heroine, but there's one scene late in the book where I always seem to scream because she's too timid! I get why she reacts the way she does, and I get why it's important to the overall story that she does, but, dang, girl! Move faster!
• Edwin just needs all the cuddles! He's portrayed as Goth, but he is by far more Emo than Goth. If Emo's wore baggy clothes to hide in instead of the skinny jeans, you'd have Edwin.
• Mark is my least favorite character. I understood him more this read than I did last; probably because I'm going through a similar weird 30-something "mid-life crisis" but for completely opposite reasons than Mark. He also started to redeem himself towards the end of the book, more so than I remembered from my first read. Still, I don't like him. I still think Hannah can do better....
• Hannah we don't really get much of outside her role as "Mom," either to her actual kids or to the teens in the book: Kay, Brandon, Edwin, and Robert. I like Hannah, but I don't really get enough to build a true opinion of her.
• Robert is another one we don't get much of, mostly because everyone else is from around the same area in England, and Robert is Texan. While I get his teenage/religious rebellion and questioning, I also think he's a jerk to follow Seth so easily.
• Brandon is still my favorite character. His aloofness is just so enduring to me for whatever reason. The fact that he thinks in numbers is fascinating to me, and I totally get his justifications for the numbers he assigns each person he meets. The characteristics do seem to fit both the people and, strangely, the assigned number. 

All-in-all, I want to see how Seth reacts post-Lycopolis, I want to learn more about Hannah and Robert, I want to see Kay become more confident, I want to see how Mark redeems himself and grows, and I just want more Brandon. Edwin just needs more love and cuddles. Man, I love broken characters....

I've been taking a roughly week-long reading break instead of getting a jump start on "Oblivion". Mostly because whenever I know I should be working on "Peeping Tomcat" I've instead been reading.... It's a seemingly wonderful excuse for procrastinating...

Come Thursday, however, it will be March 1st, and I'll be back to reading. I'll let you fine folks know how my opinions may change for each character. Ooooor, you can decide for yourself by going over to Amazon and buying the books.

Okay, this blog is now going to posting late. Stupid computer lag. Plus, I still need to figure out my monthly one-shot. So, I'll catch everyone next week!