The Rogue's Scribe: I'm Done With Roller Coasters

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

I'm Done With Roller Coasters

This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster. Mostly a series of downs, but just enough ups to keep the “ride” going.

Last week, a coworker lost her dad after spending a week in and out of the hospital with him. I feel her pain, and I am so sorry for her loss. I'm glad I was able to be there for her. But a selfish part of me is exhausted from working nearly two weeks straight, Sunday through Saturday. My only time off was a snow day on the 2nd, and a half-day the following Friday. It's been mentally draining, and I'm a bit burnt out.

On top of that, I found out last week that a college friend of mine, who I knew was struggling with his depression, committed suicide. Another light gone needlessly. Another circle of survivors left behind wondering “What If” as they rack their brains wondering how he could have been saved. A lot of emotional drain to add to my mental exhaustion.

My friend is deeply missed, and probably more so than he ever fathomed. It saddens me that I've already advocated this so many times on this blog, but I will keep doing so until there is no longer a need.

You ARE loved.

You WILL be missed.

You ARE NOT a burden.

I know it's hard to ignore those dark voices in your mind telling you otherwise. I know that every day is a struggle to quiet those negative thoughts. However, you should know that there IS help. Please, PLEASE, ask for it.

And for those of you who think “Reach Out” is pathetic advice, because OF COURSE you would reach out if it was that easy, please read this article on HOW to do so when you're struggling.

And print yourself this image:

I'm actually going to share that link again, because it's so important:
10 Ways to 'Reach Out' When You're Struggling with Your Mental Health.

Keep trying to fight and hold on. Your life does have value. And I will keep using the limited platform I have with this blog to tell you that over and over again.

As one could probably expect with the week I just had, I wasn't really in the mindset to write anything this week. I still haven't come up with an akuma idea. I didn't finish editing all fifteen chapters of “Peeping Tomcat.” I didn't succeed in my goal(s) for Writers’ Huddle's winter challenge.

Progress was made, though. Mostly with reading.

Trying to avoid in-depth thinking while still escaping reality for a bit, I managed to finish off "Oblivion." It was definitely a strong second novel by Ali Luke. You can hop on Amazon to read my full review, but the long and short is this:

Her already good writing improved.
I loved the character development she had, including getting me to finally sympathize with Mark!
The pacing was a lot more intense in this installment.
I still think, much like in "Lycopolis," Kay – clearly the main hero – doesn't get enough page-time.
I will always think there needs to be more Brandon, even though I understand why that wouldn't work from a narrative standpoint.
My only critique is that the climactic fight scene has so many players and locations involved, along with multiple POVs. It gets a bit confusing at parts as to what exactly is going on. That's the only snafu for me, though.

All-in-all, while I had a similar thought with “Lycopolis,” I truly feel like “Oblivion” would make an awesome movie. Perhaps that can be a WIP for next year: a fan script adaptation. It would be good practice on how to cut a story down into 120 minutes of film. Finding what is truly essential, and how to visually showcase things that are perhaps easier to explain on paper. Might be a fun exercise.

I managed to download the Kindle app onto my dinky netbook so I could get started on Ali's concluding story “Dominon.” I'm about two chapters in and still firmly hate the set-up of the Kindle app. I don't know if e-books are more enjoyable to read on an actual tablet, where they are taller than they are wide, but trying to read on a computer screen means each page is only a couple paragraphs long. I'm not a fan of constant clicking to advance pages. If I had to read an e-book on my computer, I'd much prefer PDF files that I can read in Adobe Reader. The formatting is better for me, and I can just scroll down through the story instead of clicking "next".

It is kind of sad when it's a more enjoyable experience – when it comes to formatting and ease of reading – to go through fanfiction downloaded off of AO3, compared to the clunkiness of the Kindle app.

Oh well, at least I can now read Ali's latest book. I WILL be buying it again, though, if she ever opts to have a print version like she did with the first two. So, come on, Ali! Make double the profit off me!

It wasn't all reading to avoid daily drain this week. On Sunday, as a last-ditch effort to conclude my week with SOME progress, I went back through chapter ten of “Peeping Tomcat.” I then continued on to chapters eleven and twelve. I tried expanding both, but neither hit the 3000 word mark, so I ended up combining them. This dropped my over-all chapter count for the story back to fourteen. I still have the last two chapters to conquer, as well as going back to chapter nine. Also, after going back through what needs to happen in the ninth chapter, it may split into two: the akuma attack itself, and the aftermath of it before Adrien decides he HAS to confess to Marinette.

So, I have three, maybe four, chapters left to go before it's done. Not bad, really. The story, as is, surpassed the 51,000-word mark. Granted, I probably could have had the whole thing done in the six weeks if I really pushed, but about 80% done isn't all that shabby either. I still have enough that ChibiSunnie and Cyhyr should be able to get the basic idea and give me overall notes. And as for chapter-by-chapter notes, I'm far enough ahead that I could get started with those on just the intro chapters, and still publish the first chapter on April 6th, as I originally planned.

Right now the real sticky wicket is that both girls are really booked with their own lives. While Cy reassured me that she was super excited to start reading the story, and was antsy for me to be done so she could start reading, I also don't want to distract her too much from what else she needs to do for her own career. And Chibi is so nose to the grindstone right now to get her own story done that she barely has five minutes to eat. I know that she has to wait until May to start reading. I'm hoping that I can still get started on my postings and that she can jump in to help with the ending of the story.

My biggest concerns are as follows:

The first chapter is about ELEVEN pages long! I feel like it's just too long, but I don't know where to cut, or if I should chop it in half and have it be two chapters, or what to do with it.
Out of the first ten chapters, just about all of them average between 3500 and darn near 7000 words! Then, from the eleventh chapter on, I'm struggling to hit 3000 words! This story seems so unbalanced.
I still fear that I'm too inside Adrien's head, and that I'm making the story more complicated than it needs to be.
As it's my first fanfic within this fandom, I always fear I don't have characters in character, or the situation believable.

But I'm so close! Even if it ends up being a flop, I am sooooo close to having a 50,000+ word story DONE! I'm so close to actually completing a multi-chaptered story. I'm so close to being able to do something I never do outside one-shot stories: cross off a WIP from the list of stories waiting to be finished. This is a major milestone for me.

So, yay! Thanks to the reviewers and favoriters of the “Peeping Tomcat” teaser chapter and “The Birth of The Mimicker” for keeping me excited for this project. Thanks to Chibi and Cy for cheering me on and volunteering to beta. Thanks to my mom for always having my back. Thanks to Hubby for indulging me. Thanks to Ali for hosting the Winter Writing Challenge in order to keep me focused. Thank you all! I love my support group! Group hug!!!