Friday, March 31, 2023

Incoming Gush Fest

Est. Read Time: 15min

Hello again, peeps! Phew! I JUUUUUUST barely made my "one blog post per month" deadline, huh? Funny thing is, I had started working on this post back around the 13th or something like that. Had most of it written by St. Patrick's Day. I just needed to finish up my thought, then edit, and then I'd be good and golden to publish.

And yet, here it is, the last day of the month, and I'm only publishing this post NOW. Like, what happened to March!? What happened to February, even? Both months just flew by for me. I'm still reeling a bit.

I know that I'm definitely now an Adult(TM) by the fact that I can't seem to keep track of time anymore. It all just zips by me. As a kid, days would crawl on, and I could do a hundred things between waking and going to bed. Now? I'm lucky if I check three things off my To Do list before passing out.

Case and point: this blog. I never did get back to recapping more of the Scum and Villainy sessions before the end of February. And now it's keeping me over TWO WEEKS to get a post finished! I'm still struggling to find writing time outside of work, and so I end up reconciling myself to slowly chipping away at a post whenever I can while at work.

It is so frustrating that I'm still battling with prioritizing my writing like this. I just have too much on my plate and not enough time in the day to chew through it all. The irony is that this post was all about me not having time to write, how I didn't work on any writing (outside of this blog) since mid-December, but also how I was going to re-prioritize now that I'm trying to get my writing mojo back.

...And then it kept me an extra two weeks to finish said post.

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I have my right hand tucked behind my head and an apologetic look on my face: upturned eyebrows and a sorrowful smile. I'm wearing a blue shirt with 'I Can't Even' written on it in yellow letters. The shirt is covered up by the word 'oops' written in large green letters and superimposed over the cartoon me.
Generated by Bitmoji

The even bigger irony is that I now have to basically start from scratch because... well... within those two weeks that this post was delayed... I WROTE SOMETHING!

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. The image is an extreme close-up on my face, so much so that not even my full head is visible. My eyes are extremely wide open, and my mouth is in a shocked 'o' shape, as if gasping. Superimposed over the top of my head - from about the hairline up - is the word 'WHOA'. The word is in large blocky letters with a galaxy filling in the lettering.
Generated by Bitmoji

Yeah!

I'll circle back to that though.

First, you might have noticed that I'm not writing in my normal font of Coming Soon. No, I didn't get an answer from my readers as to which font worked best for you guys. So, instead of dragging out a question that might not ever get answered, I decided to be a bit more pro-active. I'm taking the "finalists" of Indie Flower, Josefin Sans, Kalam, and Mali, and dedicating a post to each font. I'll then go back and see how I feel about an entire post in that font as opposed to Coming Soon. I'll decide from there which to ditch and which I might use permanently. You are of course still more than welcome to comment below on which font you find easiest to read or which font you think still has that unique "handwritten" aesthetic while being a touch more professional looking (bring this blog out of the early 00s and into the 2020s), and the like.

This month, I'm starting with Josefin Sans. I was going to start with Indie Flower, but, after going back through this post while it is in that font, I instantly cut it from the running. Sorry for those who liked the look of Indie Flower, but it definitely felt harder for me to read once it's in a longer format. At least that cuts our possible fonts down to just four.

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my right shoulder. I'm wearing a blue shirt with 'I Can't Even' written on it in yellow letters. I'm giving a thumbs up with my right hand and smiling. The lower half of my body is hidden behind a large green check-mark.
Generated by Bitmoji

Okay! That bit of house keeping taken care of, let's get back to me actually writing something!

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a yellow zip-up hoodie open over a plain blue t-shirt. Only my shoulders up is visible. The rest of the image is the word 'WOOT!' written in bubbly glowing pink letters. Confetti is spraying out from the word. My arms are raised victoriously and my mouth is puckered as if I'm saying the word 'woot'.
Generated by Bitmoji

Back around Valentine's Day this year, my husband had introduced me to the song "Siren" by April Fooze; the NoPixel character of streamer Fuslie. I've been obsessed with this song for the past month.

Fast forward a couple of weeks to the start of March. The artist Ceejles posted some fanart she did of Yor and Loid from the anime SpyxFamily. I instantly fell in love with the impassioned - but drunk - kiss in the opening three panels of the fan comic. I even downloaded it onto my phone to use as my wallpaper.

Then, on Monday, March 20 - the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere - it was like the perfect storm hit. I was listening to "Siren" yet again when I looked down at my phone; seeing Ceejles' fanart of Loid and Yor. Loid being a chiseled blonde, and Yor being a more petite - but still fierce - woman with black hair made me picture them instead as adult versions of Adrien and Marinette. In fact, that's one of the reasons I got into SpyxFamily in the first place. I had seen a bunch of fanart for the show, and kept thinking artists were creating aged-up fanart for Miraculous Ladybug. I was very confused over on Tumblr for a couple of weeks last year.

Anyway, picturing Ceejles' scene with Marinette and Adrien instead of Yor and Loid, and adding in the sultry song "Siren"? A scene instantly started playing out in my head.

I had a rare Monday off, and so I was home. Hubby was at work, which meant I was alone for some uninterrupted Me Time. I had my laptop open anyway in an attempt to iron out the last of what I needed for our Scum and Villainy session that night. As I sat in front of my computer and the Adrienette scene continued to play out in my head I literally told myself - as in, I said it out loud - "You idiot. WRITE IT DOWN! What's stopping you? Why is this not your default? Why are you only writing it mentally? Get it out of your head! Do it!"

And so, I did.

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. My eyes are closed and my mouth wide open in a smile, as if I'm happily shouting. My body from the waist up is visible, and my arms are raised victoriously. Nine cartoony stars zip by from behind me. They vary in color between yellow, orange, pink, and blue. All of them have simple faces: just mouth and eyes. More blue, pink, orange, and yellow decorative stars - simple in design; no faces - speckle the background.
Generated by Bimoji

I put "Siren" on loop and had Ceejles' picture up on my phone to help keep me in the right mindset. My Muse decided to pay me an unexpected visit, and, by gum, I was going to follow her anywhere!

I'm clearly a bit rusty after going roughly 3 months without writing fiction. I started writing around 2:30/3:00 in the afternoon. Hubby telling me he was done with work and ready for a pick-up came unexpectedly fast at 4pm. I still had to finish the story, but I also had to work on preparing for Scum and Villainy that night. I was a little bummed to be interrupted after all, and upset that a relatively short scene - for me, at least - was taking over an hour to write. Defeated, I went to get my husband and mentally switch gears.

Then, in a weird twist of fate, the Perfect Storm continued. As Hubby and I got home our landlady informed us that the maintenance guy would be able to work on replacing our busted kitchen overhead light that evening. We had been struggling with this light for at least a year. Sometimes it would work. Other times it wouldn't at all. Others still, it would work but then almost instantly start strobing on us. The landlady thought it was because the bulbs were burnt out, so she tried to switch them out. It worked for a little while before it started again. Then she had to wait for the maintenance guy - who does building maintenance for her as a secondary job - to be able to check the light to see what the problem was. Then she had to wait for a replacement light fixture to be in stock.... it's been a bit of a saga. So I wasn't about to tell her, "actually, we're having people over tonight. Can we reschedule?" because I wasn't sure how much of a delay there would be before the maintenance guy would be available again.

Sadly, this meant having to cancel the Scum and Villainy session because having people over while the maintenance man was in our kitchen felt like a bit much. Especially if he needed to ask us questions or have us help him somehow while he was switching out our light. On the plus side, however, this meant more time for me to write!

It also turned out to be a good thing that we cancelled game since the maintenance man had to turn off the power to the whole apartment, not just the kitchen. While it would have been a bit of a headache to have lost the power with everyone over, I was able to use the time to continue writing thanks to the battery of my laptop and the sunlight that was still coming through the windows. Yay, having a bright, clear, sunny day for the start of spring! And yay that the sun didn't set until closer to 7pm! By then my story was finally done!

It had kept me another two hours - between roughly 5pm and 7pm - to finish writing this "short" scene! About three hours total to write under 1500 words. Sheesh. I know that might be fast for most people, but for me? It's painfully slow.

I also didn't really have much time with my husband between him being at work and me isolating to write. So that sucked. It then took me over an hour to format, publish, and promote the story in my normal 4 sites. Hubby and I didn't have dinner until almost 9pm (we typically eat between 6 and 7). I only really interacted with my husband for three or four hours that day. For people who still genuinely enjoy their spouse's company, that was rough, and I missed him terribly despite being in the same house as him for 4hrs of our time "apart."

But, in the end, the story was complete! It was edited. It was published. I had done it! The first bit of fiction that I've published this year!

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with the words 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. My body is visible from the knees up. I'm flexing my shoulders and arms, meeting my fists down by my hips. I appear to be shouting encouragingly. A yellow solar flare surrounds me like an aura. The words 'LET'S GOOOOO!' are written along the bottom of the image; cutting off the lower half of my legs. The word 'LET'S' is in blue font and curls around the top of the G in 'GOOOOO!'. The actual word 'GOOOOO!' is in yellow and orange lettering, starting with G in yellow, the 1st O in orange, the 2nd O in yellow, and continuing to alternate throughout the word. The word 'GOOOOO!' is also off-set, with one letter higher than the other and the next letter lower, to give it a sort of bouncing appearance.
Generated by Bitmoji

Tell Me You Want Me When You're Sober

Summary: While at Alya and Nino's house-warming party, Marinette wandered off to take a breather. Noticing her vanishing act, Adrien went to look for her. Hidden away in the guest bedroom being used as a coat-check room, the two take a moment to themselves. The fun little intimate moment between friends becomes more intimate than either of them anticipated.

Rating: Teen for mildly suggestive elements

Word Count: 1450
• On ArchiveOfOurOwn           • On FanFiction
• On DeviantArt           • On Tumblr

The story has been up for over a week, and the reception it has received has me in tears in the best way. I don't know what it is about this story that particularly resonated with people, but I've been getting so SO much love and praise. Maybe it's because it's the 7th-shortest story I've ever published on AO3 (out of 48 total), and the 5th-shortest ML fic (out of 30). Maybe that's the overall readership hook that I've been missing: a short story to capture people and entice them to read more? Because that's what's been happening!

It started with AO3 user MeowMeowKissyKissy reading Tell Me You Want Me When You're Sober (TMYWMWYS), and then reading/commenting on Build Your Own Luck and then continued to ALSO read Rolling Thunder. Then, AO3 user dabnyfantown did the same thing. They started with TMYWMWYS, then moved on to read I'm Not Allowed to Love You, followed by Is It True?, and then followed AGAIN by Woven Heartstrings! Their last comment was on the first chapter of WH, so I'm not sure if that was the only chapter they had read at the time? Assuming that to be true, that's still 7800 words and 4 stories read - at least, in part - between something like 3:45pm and 5:10pm! A couple of days later, presumably after finishing Woven Heartstrings, they read and commented on I Was Thinking of You as well! They even told me they should have been sleeping but "needed" to read more of my content! Like... WHAT!? NEEDED!? Such high praise!

I was crying every time someone like MeowMeowKissyKissy or dabnyfantown commented on my stories. I was getting repeat readers! I was getting key smash comments and caps lock comments and a parade of exclamation points. These people were shouting at me how much they enjoyed my work!

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with the words 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. The words are covered up by my hands as they are both pressed against my chest, as if holding my heart. Only from my waist up is visible. I am smiling with my eyes closed. 22 cartoon hearts appear to be exploding out of me in an aura. They are either white - as if hollow - or they are dark pink or red. Some of the hearts have sparkles on them. The background has a pink hue.
Generated by Bitmoji

Then came another surprise that truly honored me.

At least within my curated circle of the fandom, the user SteelBlaidd is a fairly prominent member. Between May 2020 and March 2023, they have written 38 stories for Miraculous Ladybug! (Reminder that, comparatively, I have 30 stories for ML and I started publishing them 2 years before SteelBlaidd). I've seen them get so much love for their stories, and I also very VERY much enjoy them. This is a case, much like with EdenDaphne or MostLovedGirl or ZenMisery or Buggachat or Keyseeker, where I truly admire and respect this writer. Well, not only did SteelBlaidd leave kudos and a comment on my story - which alone was like "eeeeeeee" - but they also concluded their comment with, "I realized I had not subscribed to you. An oversight that has now been corrected."

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with the words 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. The lettering is hard to see since only from about my armpits up is visible. My head is tilted to the right and my mouth and eyes are open wide in shock. There is a cartoony calico cat to my left. It also has a shocked expression on its face and has its head tilted to the left. A joint speech bubble is above our heads. It is pink with white outline and contains three yellow exclamation marks that are so large they poke out of the top of the speech bubble.
Generated by Bitmoji

WHAT!? Excuse me. Did they call NOT subscribing to me "an oversight"!? ME!? MY work!? I was screaming. First, Keyseeker read and reviewed my story - which, she does quite frequently, and it still makes me giggle with glee each time - but then SteelBlaidd made sure to subscribe to me!?

Peeps, I was on Cloud Nine! After literal years of wondering about my writing and if it will ever get noticed, the reaction to my writing this past week has had me in TEARS with how amazing it's all felt.

Yes, yes. I hear all of you who have supported me through the years already screaming at me. You did remind me that my writing was good and that I was a skilled writer. You did inform me that it was almost a luck-of-the-draw sort of thing when it came to becoming recognized within a fandom; especially a large one. You had told me not to worry, and yet I did.

My insecurities and imposter syndrome got the better of me, and I apologize for not listening to your support; for not trusting you. Thank you for sticking with me and reassuring me the whole time anyway. You are all real ones.

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with the words 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. Only my upper chest and up is visible. I have my arms open wide and welcoming. There's a smile on my face. The word 'THANKS' is blocky and presented like a physical item. At least a dozen of these blocky 'THANKS' is piled up before me. They range in color from green to blue to purple to orange. A yellow 'THANKS' larger than the rest sits at the front of the pile.
Generated by Bitmoji

Anyway, SteelBlaidd proceeded to then comment on the story I had posted in December: Is He Loved? Is He Happy? Their comment made me cry all over again:

SteelBlaidd's icon online. It is a steel wolf head with its ears turned back and its mouth open viciously. There is a full moon on a deep blue backdrop behind the wolf head. SteelBlaidd: This is why I said it was a grave error on my part to not be subscribed to you.
I could have read this months ago!

This is a wonderful infill for the episode and the characters have lead you to marvelous places.

A "grave error" to not be subscribed to me? SteelBlaidd, you're killing me!

An animated gif. It is a scene from the Miraculous Ladybug episode 'Stormy Weather'. It shows Marinette fidgetting her fingers while looking past her left shoulder. She then abruptly raises her right hand to her cheek and extends her left arm in a dismissive wave, all while jumping to her right and closing her eyes bashfully.
Marinette from Miraculous Ladybug
in episode "Stormy Weather"

The reception has been so much more than what I shared above! This is probably one of my most interacted with stories in a while. Here's the Week 1 stats!

AO3: 661 hits, 79 kudos, 6 bookmarks, and 9 comments
FFN: 249 views, 8 faves, 4 follows, and 3 reviews
DA: 379 views, but no other engagement

Total Results: 1289 views, 87 kudos/faves, 10 bookmarks/follows, and 12 reviews! IN ONE WEEK!

Tumblr Notes: 26 total; 11 likes off my post, another 6 likes off Ladynoir AO3 Feed's post, 5 reblogs off my post, another 3 off LN AO3's post, and 1 comment on my post

AO3 Reviews:
  1. Awwww i love this!!!
  2. This was super cute
  3. Ah! That was just too sweet. Adrien is indeed a noble fellow [redacted due to possible spoilers]. Excellent writing!
  4. Oooh this is lovely. I’m glad that [redacted due to spoilers].
  5. Adrien is such a sweetheart! They're just too sweet together.
  6. That was wonderful!
  7. AHHHH i loved this i love [redacted due to possible spoilers] im so happy for them thank u for writing
  8. Sosososo well written I love a king that [redacted due to possible spoilers]
  9. This is our boy!
    Always a TRUE gentleman.
    This is our girl!
    Always an adorable disaster.

    I came to find this after seeing your response to the tumblr post on writing vs posting.
    I realized I had not subscribed to you. An oversight that has now been corrected.
Other Reviews:
  1. This is cute! I love this and I love that your muse took control for a while! Good job listening and letting her do her thing! Hehe
  2. so good! always happy when you grace us with an MLB fic!
  3. that was great!
  4. YOU WROTE SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy for you!!!!!

Excuse me, but "grace us" with a fic? Someone (*cough*LivreVer*cough*) SCREAMING about how happy they are that I wrote something!?

Peeps! I can't! It's all too lovely! You are all so awesome. I love you all so much!

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my left shoulder. I'm wearing a blue tshirt with the words 'I CAN'T EVEN' written across the front in yellow lettering. Only my upper chest and up is visible, so the lettering on the shirt can't really be seen. I'm smiling with a single tear rolling down my left cheek. Above my head are the words 'I LOVE YOU' written in large, bubbly letters filled in with a yellow-to-blood-orange gradiant and small yellow dots; much like how old comic books were colored in. Covering up my shirt is the word 'GUYS' designed the same way as 'I LOVE YOU' except with a pink-to-lavendar gradiant. The full phrase 'I LOVE YOU GUYS' has a drop shadow.
Generated by Bitmoji

I will try to hold on REAL tight to all of this love, and remember to come back to this post the next time I doubt myself.

Now, this was where I originally talked about the other "writing" I was doing at the start of the month. Mostly, going back to Seduce with Caution to see if I could push through my block now that I've had four months to freshen up my eyes. I didn't actually write anything for it, but I did go back to thinking about it. I've also been creative with coming up with stuff for SaV, of course.

However, this post is already getting long with me gushing and throwing in about a dozen images. (Speaking of, if you haven't noticed, I did add alt-text to the images I posted today. I'm trying to put in more effort to be more inclusive, so please let me know if there's more I can do. Also, let me know if the alt-text doesn't work. I can't actually preview it before posting....) Anyway, the blog post that I had written earlier this month - which talked about me working on SaV and SwC - was roughly a 30min read all on its own. Add in the post you fine folks got instead? Yeah. Felt a bit much.

So all of that stuff was shifted to a new post draft. With any luck, I'll be able to polish and finish that one relatively quickly. And then you'll have your April blog post in just a week or two from today. Neat, right?

Cartoon version of me: white woman with red hair in a ponytail swept over my right shoulder. I'm wearing a tshirt. Only my shoulders and up are visible. I am in gray scale within a cartoony version of a 1960s rabbit-ear black-and-white TV. I am smiling and pointing above my head with my right hand. Written above me in large, white, blocky letters is 'Stay Tuned'. The words have a dropshadow and arch slightly across not only the TV screen, but parts of the TV itself.
Generated by Bitmoji

In the meantime, thank you all one last time for all of the love and support, both new and very old. You are all beautiful people and I love each and every last one of you to pieces. You truly help lift me up and keep me going. I just want to bear-hug each and every last one of you.

Okay! Enough gushing! I'm off to work on finishing up the job for the next SaV session on April 3rd. And also possibly publishing a new post in a week as well!

Small pixelated emoji version of me. It just shows my face - with a pink complexion - as well as my long red hair dangling behind my head; I don't have a neck or shoulders. I'm wearing a blue bandana across my forehead but under my right-sweeping bangs. My eyes are closed and arched happily. My mouth is in a large, toothy grin.
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