A Grand Return

 Oh, dear Lord! It's been nearly a month since I was last able to write a blog post. Let's see if I even remember how. 

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by Yanare Ku

First and foremost, I have missed this blog and I have missed you, dear readers, so much. I nearly cried when I realized I FINALLY had a Tuesday off and could work on this again. It's just been a rough month with this continued kooky work schedule, throwing my whole work/life balance all sorts of out-of-whack. Writing truly is in my blood, and while I've always known I'm just not myself if I'm not writing, I don't think I've fully realized how much this blog and my weekly updates - even if I'm seemingly talking about nothing - have truly meant to me as well. And hoo-boy do I have a lot to catch up on!

While this is the most recent of things, I figured talking about getting unexpected Feels about something seemingly done for fun - such as writing these blog posts - is a good transition to also chat about how I've spent my last couple of days.

Namely, what I've downloaded over the weekend:

I downloaded the original Newgrounds Game Jam 2015 version
as well as the full Wrong Dimension version

So, I was vaguely aware of a simple, free, 15-min or so game titled There Is No Game in which the premise is that the game's programming is actively trying to convince you that what you're running isn't actually a game, and tries to prevent you from doing any sort of playing in said non-game. It was a cool concept, and I MIIIIIIIGHT have tried it out on Newgrounds at some point??? But it's been ages since I've gone onto that site, so I couldn't really remember.

Then I saw MatPat play the first chapter of the full game There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension on GTLive last week, and I was intrigued.

Yes, I know there are people out there that take issue with MatPat, and I do see some shades of arrogance in his presentation across all four of his channels - Game Theory, Film Theory, GTLive, and now Food Theory - but the overall content is still entertaining, so... meh. Point is, I saw him playing this game, thought it looked fun, I had some spare cash, and the game cost less than $20, so I treated myself this weekend.

I also treated myself to this, but I'll get to that in a bit.

I have become one of the herd, and I am not ashamed.

So, back to TING:WD and how that relates back to my earlier statement about caring for things unexpectedly.

The premise of this extended game by Draw Me A Pixel is exactly like the Jam Session one: you start up the program and said program, via voice over, tries to convince you that there is in fact no game and you should probably close the program down. Through a series of various mouse click interactions - that is literally the only game mechanic: interact via your mouse - you work your way through puzzles. The game is super meta and has a lot of great tongue-in-cheek, satirical commentary on the gaming industry. The companionship you get from the program - simply called Game - is fantastic as "he" berates and teases you, but also begs you for help as the "non-game" continues. There are six chapters and an epilogue to work your way through, and as you progress an actual story begins to unfold. By the end of the second chapter I was intrigued, by the end of the third chapter I was emotionally invested, by the end of the fourth chapter I could not stop until I got to the conclusion.

THIS DANG (NON-)GAME HAD ME TEARING UP AND LEGIT GASPING AT VARIOUS STORY TWISTS! Like, I won't tell you really anything about the game because I don't want to ruin it for you, but I highly suggest finding a way of getting your hands on a copy yourself. The puzzles aren't that difficult if you're not one for puzzlers. Some do require some unconventional thinking, and I have had to use the Hints section quite a bit towards the end (only to discover I was doing the right thing I just wasn't getting the timing quite right; as is almost always the case with me and puzzle games), but there ARE hints throughout the game should you get stuck, and there doesn't seem to be any punishment for using them, such as losing points or having to use in-game currency to unlock the hints or having Game mock you for using them, etc. I also didn't see any Steam achievements for not using a single hint, so there really isn't anything besides your own stubborn pride keeping you from using those helpful hints throughout the game (er... non-game). Game himself also gives you plenty of verbal clues to try to nudge you in the right direction, so you may not even need those hint boxes.

All-in-all, not only was the game (er... non-game) mechanics unique and so much fun, but Pascal Cammisotto, the creator of the original TING for Jam as well as the writer/director/voice for Game in the full version, did such a fantastic job at the actual writing and content creation for this (non-)game. Such a touching story, and great lore, and fantastic commentary on the gaming industry, along with fantastic voice acting. With but a voice, Game became a fully fleshed-out character that I grew so attached to, and I've happily opened the game back up simply to be re-greeted (a bit hostilely) by his voice, play a few puzzles to try to unlock a few more achievements, and then I'll smile as I quit and he shouts "Don't forget to uninstall me!" as the game closes. My entire playthrough was a little over 5hrs - mostly because of those dang timing issues I had; the game probably is only about 4 or so hrs long for other people - but Game has become a beloved character for me.

So little can say so much, and, as a long-winded writer myself, I am forever in awe of those who can weave such a touching tale within barely any time with their audience.

I am over here hoping to learn that TING:WD has done so well since its launch on August 6th that Draw Me A Pixel can continue their great work, and Cammisotto, et. al., can continue the tale they've started with this game.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep playing this fun (non-)game as I study Cammisotto's storytelling prowess, as well as chuckle at the characters constantly confusing Game's French accent with a Russian one.

Aaaaaaand, speaking of the French, I have exciting news, but I'll circle back to that. Next up: Among Us.

A big trend for me this year, thanks to the pandemic shutdown back in March, is to finally join in on the pastime of watching Let's Plays and gaming streams. In the past I would shrug this form of entertainment off. It's fine if others enjoyed it, but I was always kind of "meh" to it. If I was going to take the time to watch someone else play a game I was interested in, why didn't I just use that time to play the game myself? Or, I didn't want to watch streams or Let's Plays because I had every intention of playing that game and didn't want spoilers. Or I could just watch Hubby play the game, so why watch strangers do it? Especially since a lot of the earlier streamers/Let's Play-ers... I found weren't all that entertaining with it.

I mean, I've seen some pretty bad streamers, you guys. Ones that only vaguely respond to the live chat, so if you aren't actively reading the chat or you were watching the VOD, you were confused as to what the player was responding to. Ones that didn't lower the game audio enough and so the game audio fought with the player's commentary. Ones where the player virtually had no commentary, and so you were literally just watching the gameplay as if you were the one playing, but with no control over how the game progressed. Ones where the players barely had the game audio up at all - which is fine if they were going to do a running commentary and didn't want to fight the game audio - but then proceeded to either NOT talk, leaving a lot of dead air to wade through, or when they would react to the game audio that the audience can't hear. So on and so forth.

I just... I couldn't get into this new entertainment trend.

However, my go-to YouTube channels I love to gush about - Outside Xbox, OutsideXtra, and, to a lesser and newer extent, Dicebreaker - are actually super good at gaming streams. They are entertainers first and foremost and make their streams this whole experience. They make sure to read off the chat comments (usually paid-for super chats, but whatever) before responding to them. Their running commentary is akin to sports announcers. They have the gaming audio only slightly softer than their own if the game audio is significant to the gameplay, such as music cues or monster screams in jump-scare horror games. I could gush further, but this blog post isn't supposed to be a promotion for them per se, so I'll just conclude by saying that their videos are so well done they could be podcasts and people would still more-or-less understand what is going on within the video game. They're just super good.

So I've jumped onto the "watch video game streams" bandwagon, and this has proven equally an excellent and terrible idea. Mostly because I'll watch these guys play a game and, much like what I did with MatPat and TING:WD, I'll be intrigued enough that I'll buy the game to play it myself. Yay, free advertisement for said games!

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It was Luke's adorable streams on OutsideXtra that solidified for me that, yes, I should get Animal Crossing: New Horizons. It was Mike's chill stream on Outside Xbox that got me to buy House Flipper on Steam. And Jane's chaotic streams on Outside Xbox that convinced me that Two Point Hospital was worth buying on BOTH Steam and Switch, so that I can play whenever, even if they aren't linked accounts.

Well, the Oxboxtra crew struck again. They finally jumped on the Among Us trend this month. They, along with members of Dicebreaker and Eurogamer, have been having 9-person games. They stream for about 2hrs and one member from each channel is in charge of streaming for said channel, which means after watching for 2hrs you can rewatch from the other 3 channels' perspectives. It's particularly fun when you already know that the streamer from x-channel was the impostor for y-runs or was a victim in z-runs, and you can either watch their killing spree or laugh at their ghost-chat conversations and get their thoughts on the matter - things you wouldn't be able to get otherwise because of them staying muted.

Watching these streams have been great fun as we try to figure out who the impostor is ourselves, using only the same limited information as the first streamer we ride along with; usually Luke from OutsideXtra. It's also fantastic to have moments like this, when not only do YOU, the viewer sometimes see things the players don't, but you can also afford to watch the reactions of the other players when THEY see things the others don't. 

Hubby has always been a big fan of these impostor-among-us/social deduction type games, such as Werewolf, Hail Hydra, or Secret Hitler. So seeing a video game version with the added component of being able to sabotage or complete tasks to win really piqued his interest. Add in watching how much fun everyone is having as well as his own mental calculations as to how he'd win as either the Impostor or Crewmate, and he was HOOKED.

I picked him up from work this past Saturday and was instantly greeted with "Check out what's free to download on the phone, and is only $2 to get rid of ads!" Goob's birthday was this past week, so we had him pop in for a birthday gift, and Dragnime swung by for his normal anime night get-together. So Hubby, seeing that we now had four people - the minimum to play Among Us - decreed that the rest of us needed to download it as well. We were all intrigued by the game anyway and so we were easy to manipulate into complying.

Sadly, a 4-player game does not last long; naturally. The plus side was that we were able to get a few rounds in before Goob had to head out and I got disconnected from the server. We had fun though, and got a taste for the gameplay. I do have to say that I wasn't much of a fan of playing on my phone. My thumbs are too thick and I either have to deal with clunky controlling of my character or my fingers getting in the way of my view of potential Impostors.

In other words: I got killed a lot.

The game was, like, $5 on Steam, and I already had enough fun to not mind spending the extra money on the game; maybe get a bit more over to the developers. They deserved it. I would be able to see easier on the larger screen, and I had better control using the A,S,W,D keys and/or mouse. We just needed more people to play. We tried Sunday to no avail, but we were able to get a couple more games in last night.

I know Hubby will be itching to get a few rounds in just about every night, and it could be a fun way to unwind after frustrating days at work. I could just focus on simple tasks that need to be done, as well as yelling for others to get theirs done without being considered a jerk for doing so. I could go on a lovely killing spree to relieve stress. I could shout and accuse and try to flush out liars, assuming I'm still alive to do so. 

I mean, seriously. Hubby was the Impostor, like, 7 out of 9 games we played last night and I was almost always the first to be killed! Naturally he was therefore the one I killed when it was my turn to be the Impostor.

We truly love each other.

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Anyway, that's probably how I'm going to be spending at least an hour or two any night we can get enough people to join. I know that also means I'm playing another game instead of writing, but it's a fun outlet for when my mind isn't to the point of coming up with plot myself. It's also exercising my deductive reasoning and improv - especially when I'm the Impostor and trying to bluff my way through the voting - so it might be a good mental workout to help with all the stress. Maybe that's what I need to clear the cobwebs and get me officially back on the right track.

Another thing that's been a big help, though, especially with the whole Impostor Syndrome issue I talked about last time, is the amount of support and love I've been getting lately by way of my writings.

I've had a bunch of you making sure to tell me, either in the comments here or via Facebook messenger or in person, that I am far from an impostor.... er.... with regards to Impostor Syndrome. I'm still sometimes an Impostor when playing Among Us.

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Anyway, thank you, all, for the love and support. I know I'll still have to battle that constant doubt, especially since my skill with fanfiction writing is a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, others find my work so good because of how well I can get in the mind of the canon writers and create something new that feels so much like canon. I can parrot fantastically, and this is a skill I'd love to figure out how to turn into a career, if I'm honest. On the other hand, however, being so good at parroting does leave me wondering if I'm only good if I piggy-back off of others; that I can't think of anything original and any of my success is because I'm "tricking" people by being such a good mimic.

This duality will always exist, I fear, but it IS such a comfort to have so many of you in my corner cheering me on.

Speaking of, I'm not entirely sure why, but I've had one HECK of an uptick in readership, faves, kudos, follows, and comments on the story I wrote for Taurus Pixie as a Christmas gift in 2018: Woven Heartstrings.

I'm seeing the name of this fic pop up in my email notifications nearly daily. It's amazing, but I'm also so confused by it. An older story, Christmas themed, and not one promoted on any of my Tumblr posts I've been seeing get more attention lately. The only explanation I was able to figure out might be this one from one of the commenters this week:

 JuliaFC: My French friend reviewed a little while back, she really loved your story, she's (and I'm) a true Marichat and Adrien fan so your story really touched some cords.

I'm not entirely sure who this friend was, but they are so sweet to have reviewed my story and recommended it. If you are randomly that person, I want to thank you so very very much.

I'm just dumbfounded that non-native English readers are not only finding my works, but are also reading them. I have such a trash mind for learning other languages, so to be fluent enough (or able to interpret Google Translate well enough) to read a 32,000+ word story is so amazing to me.

Speaking of French readers - and relying on Google Translate - one of those new reviews I've received just blew my mind!

 EtoileLeadSama: Salut. Je viens de passer l'après-midi à lire ton histoire. Elle est absolument magnifique. Un vrai petit bijou. Elle réchauffe le coeur comme l'un des fameux chocolats chauds de Marinette. Merci beaucoup pour ce petit moment de bonheur tout doux. J'aime beaucoup la complicité de Chat Noir et Marinette. Tes idées de cadeaux sont absolument géniales. J'ai vraiment beaucoup aimé chaque chapitre. Félicitations. Je vais enregistrer cette sublime histoire dans mes favoris pour pouvoir la relire à loisir. Bon courage pour la suite. Bisous miraculeux

If Google Translate is to be believed, that comment should translate to:

Hi. I just spent the afternoon reading your story. [This] is absolutely gorgeous. A real gem. It warms the heart like one of Marinette's famous hot chocolates. Thank you very much for this sweet moment of happiness. I really like the bond between Chat Noir and Marinette. Your gift ideas are absolutely brilliant. I really liked each chapter. Congratulations. I will save this sublime story in my favorites so that I can read it again at my leisure. Good luck for the future. Miraculous kisses

I- I just.... I got a non-English review! I've- I've never received a non-English review before! I- I still cannot form the words to express how much this milestone means to me. The fact that someone clearly isn't very comfortable writing in English but still felt compelled to leave me something; still enjoyed my story to read it, even when it isn't in their native tongue. 

Stuff like this has really been lifting my spirits, so thank you, sweet, glorious, dear readers. Thank you for indulging me and putting up with my breakdowns and showing me such kindness.

I am so blessed!

I want to go on more about the Miraculous Ladybug special and new projects that Pixie is up to and how I've had a weird uptick on my Tumblr as well, but it's already nearly 6pm and this post is so long. So I'll resist, and hopefully I can get more into what I've been doing the past month in next week's post.

Much love to you all!

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(P.S. - if you're American, here's your belated reminder to double check if you still have time to mail in ballots, check for OFFICIAL drop-off boxes, find out if there's still early-voting options in your area, and make a plan if you decide to or have to vote in person.)