Thursday, October 23, 2014

Clearly, I Need A Calendar

Well, I'm a new sort of special this week.

As I mentioned last week, I was late updating because I was too busy writing a post I decided to hold off on publishing. The main reason is that it would be a perfect segue in to November's NaNoWriMo. So, I went ahead and scheduled for it to post the last week of October, and then wrote last week's update.

That's where the issue started. Even last week I stated that this delayed post would be "next week." I went to bed Tuesday night proud that I had this week's update set for close to ten days.

Then I went to work, came home, went to post on Facebook about the update, and realized it wasn't up. I checked to see what went wrong with my scheduling... only to discover that yesterday was the SECOND to last Wednesday of the month.

So, here I thought I was ahead of the game, and I was actually behind the 8-ball once more. Add in that I didn't get to the computer until about 3pm, and then I had laundry to do, and I ended up distracting myself with stuff to post on the Struggling Writers Society's forum... and then I had work first thing this morning....

Thank god this isn't my job; I'm so bad with these deadlines....

Well, at least I had another concept that I wanted to talk about anyway. I was actually partially lamenting not having one more week to discuss this, and settled on writing about it the first week of November, given it's about NaNo anyway. So... silver lining! I get to talk about it now like I originally wanted.

For the past week or so I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to write next month. I had a few ideas.
  • Use NaNo not in its "pure" form of writing a 50,000 word brand-new story concept, but use the "write daily" idea to finally move forward again with X-Future: The Second Generation Begins
  • Take on NaNo's new "Script" feature - a way to make up for them cancelling April's Script Frenzy - and start writing some pages of the X-Future comic reboot
  • Work on the Gyateara Mythology collection some more
  • Use a random plot generator and actually participate in NaNo the way it was originally intended: goofy and uninhibited writing.
I decided to go with my last idea though: Work on Lottie's story.

Who's Lottie?

Well, for my newer readers who may not know, I participate in a Live Action Role Play called Vampire: The Masquerade. Lottie happens to be the most recent vampire I created for the game. She's still relatively new to even me. She came to me randomly at work back in August and this Saturday will only be the third game I've played as her. However, her story kept getting revealed to me a little more and more each day over the past week or so. I figured, why not just ride this train while it's already passing by?

I've mostly figured out what she did the first 20years she was a human, that and researched southern United States during World War II; when Lottie was turned in to a vampire.

I debated writing in first person, but she has the older dialect with Southern pronunciations. Plus, despite her parents' attempt to teach her otherwise, Lottie has horrible grammar riddled with double negatives and improper use of words.
Yep. That's Lottie...
Lottie is also semi-up with the technological times, but being a vampire, she gets just as confused as anyone from that generation. Last game she tried to comment about Tumblr, but couldn't remember the site's name. She kept horribly attempting to describe it until Cyhyr's character Katelyn finally proudly cried out the site's proper name:
"Oh, whaz da name of dat site all the kids get lost on these days... I know it's somethin' acrobatic. Somersault? Cartwheel? Backflip?"
*Room is silent and staring*
"Oh, come on. Someone has ta know. Maybe one of you younin's. It's gymnastic of some sort. Dat site where e'eryone has all a deez pictures an' long comments an' fans of shows get lost foreva there."
*Katelyn jumps up giddily*
"TUMBLR!"
*Lottie snaps and nods*
"See!? I KNEW it was somethin' acrobatic!"
Well... as you can see, Lottie's a bit rough to read if I were to write her dialogue phonetically; like in comic books. However, even with writing the words out properly - not how she'd pronounce them - there's still a lot of grammatical errors that would hold people up. It's all fine and dandy for her dialogue, but to hear an entire 50,000 word story in her voice might be much.

So, I'm about 99% sure I'm going to go with Third-Person-Limited for my NaNo story. Then again, I have about eight days to change my mind, so we'll see.

I'm really hoping that writing about a character I'm trying to get to know better will give me the drive to stay on track this year with NaNo. I'm sure it doesn't hurt at all that we play our LARP every other Saturday, and so I should be actively in Lottie's head at least twice during NaNo. Throw in that I'm more-or-less going to be writing out what happens in-game - but with my own flare and flavor added in, just like with TSGB - and I shouldn't have to worry about running out of ideas during the month; only running out of time to write.

I'm going to aim for the same goal as last year: at least one new chapter each week when I update my blog. Given that I've been working Wednesdays now, I'm probably going to have my story update days actually be the Tuesday before; so that I can then link to the update when I post my blog.

I'll also most likely post in true daily diary form like I did the last time I participated in NaNo, as well as the two times I participated in Script Frenzy before the event was cancelled. I'm just hoping I give myself the time to write...

What about you guys? Are any of you participating in NaNo? What concept are you going to be writing about? Those of you not participating, what are your writing plans for November? Let me know in the comments section.

Happy writing, and I'll catch you next week. I swear this time the post will go up at noon since it's been scheduled since the 14th..

Friday, October 17, 2014

Now Trying to Restart Ronoxym's Passion

Alright. How did I screw up THIS badly this week!? I've done it before in which Wednesday has snuck up on me, but not like this. I was at my netbook. I was working on a blog so that I could schedule it to go up for my Wednesday noon update while I was at work. I was stumped on what to write, and so I gave up and decided to just put up the "Temp Post" for the noon update; I'll just post a late update after I was done with work. I then click on the date to schedule for the update and THAT was when it hit me. Nearly 10pm, and THAT was when I went "Wait... Wednesday is the 15th... isn't TODAY the 15th- Oh shoot!"

I'm so good at this.

I was going to make up for it yesterday, but I only had a few hours between my first-thing-in-the-morning shift ending and Hubby's out-until-late-at-night shift started. I spent the time with him while I could; figuring I'd write the blog while he was at work. I then somehow managed to lose five hours of my life, and I'm not entirely sure how....

Like I said, I'm so good at this....

The worst part is that I did actually plan to write my post Tuesday evening so that I could schedule it for the Wednesday update - exactly what I was doing Wednesday. I just happened to be a day late somehow.

Monday evening I closed at work; something I haven't done in a while and used to only do on Sundays. I think that just started my screw up this week. I've been a day behind all week, and it may have stemmed from there.

Then Tuesday was just hell. I was sick. I was in pain. I was dehydrated. I was exhausted. I was run ragged at work. I was at my breaking point. I zipped home and just spent the rest of the day job searching instead of writing.

Wednesday's workday was worlds better, but between work, going to the laundromat, figuring out food, and the shows we just started watching on Wednesday - another thing that threw me off; having a solid 8pm-11pm TV block on a day of a week we normally NEVER had anything to watch - I just lost track of the time, and the day of the week.

However, I was trying to work on a post on-and-off all day. I ended up with a nice one for NEXT week though. One that sets up NaNo really well, in my opinion, which is why I'm holding off on it and allowing this blog post to be two days late in the meantime.

My old high school friend - I believe I introduced you to her before under the name Stargazer - had posted an article in the Struggling Writers Society Facebook group. It was a thought-provoking article that resulted in me essay writing my reaction to it. So that's what I did on Monday....

Anyway, at ChibiSunnie's suggestion, I decided to turn my essay in to next week's blog update; resulting in me still needing one for THIS week.

I've been sort of dragging my feet simply because I wasn't entirely sure what to talk about next. I have about three things I could go in detail with. Which, in and of itself, is kind of awesome.

Why not just start at the top though: what I did in September; while I was posting about procrastination articles instead of my writing progress. While I haven't really done terribly too much beyond the character revamping that I talked about last week, back in September I did discover something that I hope will soon mean very good things.

Ronoxym had found a new job that would pay him enough that he could drop the other two jobs he had - either that, or he was promoted at the one job and so he could drop the second one; I've lost track of all the jobs he's worked at. Point is, instead of having to drag through two full shifts nearly every day all week long, he now has a steady 40hr work week. This means he shouldn't be exhausted from non-stop work all the time. Now, this is fantastic news for him, and I wish to give him the proper congrats on finally reaching a point of being financially stable without needing to be a work horse. However, how is this good news for me as well?

It may be hard to remember since he hasn't done anything since April or May, and so I haven't really talked about it since then, but I was writing a collab story with Ron. A tale he started about Devon and Willow interacting. I sort of hijacked the project and it turned in to a collaborative effort. We both seemed very excited about it. I updated almost instantly after discovering that Ron did. Even Ron's fiance Cyhyr was excited about this project because it meant Ron was steadily writing; and sticking to just one project that he was passionate about, instead of letting his writing ADD kick in.

We were chugging along nicely between January and March, and then he started petering off. I couldn't really take the reins because I had no clue where he was planning on going with this story; I was just there to tweak and add more detail to it. It was totally his baby still. So, sadly, when work became too tiring for him he stopped updating the story, and I was stuck in writing Limbo.

I'm really REALLY hoping that now that he's been down to just one job for a few weeks this means that he'll be able to get accustomed to his new schedule enough to find time to write again. At the very least I want to know how this story ends. If no one else but me knows, then whatever. If he just verbally tells me where he was headed with it and I end up finishing the thing works too. I just want it completed!

The main problem though is getting him passionate about this story again. He lost all steam with what he was doing. Plus, it was originally a 6pg or so snippet he used to try to figure out how to best play Devon in the upcoming scenes. Very much like what I do with X-Future: Snippets. I sort of killed that for the poor guy by completely changing where he was going with the story.... whoops. Now - months later, both in real life and in game - the whole point of his story has long past. The concept of trying to figure out how Devon and Willow would interact with each other is beyond a moot point at this juncture. Without the need to figure out that dynamic, I'm not sure I can get him to have the drive to start up the story again. Which saddens me.

It WOULD be a good scene for the X-Future reboot, however. Perhaps I can convince him to get back on to the project that way... a scene to store away for the reboot. Sure, this particular scene may not make a public appearance in comic-form for a few years yet, but it's something. Right?

Anyway, in the meantime I've been going back through the shared file ONE MORE TIME to try to edit out all the nitpicky stuff. I'm also kind of hoping that when he gets the notifications in his email about the "updates" I've done - editing, yay - it will drive him to go through and re-read what we have so far. Perhaps by the time he gets to the end he'll be re-inspired and I'll have something new to read.

Baby steps though. Maybe the first goal is to try to have Cyhyr help me convince Ron to start up his blog again...

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Rebuilding Canon Characters

It's been a little while since I last talked about MY writing. I don't mind if you don't. I personally liked taking a two-week time-out in order to discuss the two articles I read about procrastination. However, that time-out did cause me to completely forget what I last talked about in regards to my own writing.

In case you're like me and forgot where I last was in my own writing - and you're too lazy/pressed for time to go back and actually re-read Shadowcat and Wolverine Take Center Stage, here's a quick recap:
  • I discussed how, whenever I'm stuck, I just let a nameless/faceless narrator talk about the world of Glitches, and that usually gives me the background I need to get through the issue I'm having.
  • I discovered through letting my narrator just talk that homeless Glitches - mostly teens - were being snatched up by the government. This act simultaneously drove "Kitty" to start up the orphanage, and "Logan" to create The Orb and The Building Room as training rooms - disguised as arcade games - to teach self-defense to Glitches.
    • "Kitty" can't stand the idea of The Orb or The Building Room, and thinks that the government will see both as "terrorist training" and will use it as an excuse to attack. Therefore, not only does she deny "Logan's" request to build them at her orphanage, but she also forbids her students from using them.
  • Phfylburt's one character Lucas Kinney would most likely be one of the Glitches snatched and experimented on by the government. The reason "Logan" adopted him was that he was one of the few surviving children once "Logan" was done with his raid on the facility. The two have a weird part-fatherly/part-older-brotherly relationship similar to what Batman's Bruce Wayne has with his first Robin: Dick Grayson. 
  • After saving Kinney from the facility, "Logan" is even more determined to try to train Glitches to protect themselves. After a few years of covert training of some adult Glitches - via The Orb and The Building Room - "Logan" creates a sort of X-Men-Like task force whose duty is to protect "Kitty's" orphanage and other helpless Glitches in the area; while simultaneously trying to recruit more powerful Glitches to help train self-defense against "Norms" and the government.
    • Some of the children at the orphanage catch wind of what "Logan" is doing and sneak over to his arcade for some training as well. "Kitty's" son Chayse is essentially the head of this student brigade; much to "Kitty's" dismay.
  • At some point, Willow will either bring Devon to the arcade to introduce him to The Orb, or when hearing that Devon's loyalty is in question, "Logan" will bring him himself. Either way, Devon is going to end up using The Orb as the "Danger Room Catalyst" scene from X-Future; shattering people's trust in the poor kid.
  • I also determined that "Kitty" was more of the "bleeding heart" that wanted to peacefully do whatever was necessary to co-exist with Norms. She'd do peaceful protests, give speeches to the government and public in attempts to change their minds, and take care of the "lost children". "Logan", on the other hand, was more of a realist. He too wanted to simply co-exist, but he also knew that Glitches would need to fight for their rights; sometimes literally. He feared that being peaceful like "Kitty" would take too long and too many Glitches' lives would be lost since they wouldn't fight back in self-defense.
    • Basically, "Kitty" would be this world's Martin Luther King, Jr. while "Logan" is Malcolm X; except he wants integration as well....
  • Lastly, I tried to determine the relationship between "Kitty" and "Logan" since they're no longer co-headmasters of the Institute. I first thought they were siblings, and then I really focused on them being former lovers.
    • Some other possible connections that I debated between were "complete strangers" and "friends" and "former classmates".
Well, I didn't really get much feedback from Hubby or Phfyl about any of the other stuff I talked about for the world build, but I did get feedback on the whole "Kitty and Logan being an item" thing.

Although they have to get completely different character redesigns to become originals, Phfyl and Hubby both still see "Kitty" as a woman in her mid-twenties and "Logan" looking about 35, but is actually closer to 200+yrs old. So the idea of them being an item kind of grossed them out.

They suggested just going with "They were former students of this world's equivalent of Charles Xavier." Perhaps they weren't literally former students of "Xavier," but instead he wrote a series of essays, books, articles, or gave speeches on the idea of co-existence between Glitches and Norms. Maybe both "Kitty" and "Logan" admire this "Xavier" via his published/broadcast work, but took away two different concepts from these "teachings."

"Kitty" would pick up "Xavier's" compassion, and desire for there to be just as much peace between Glitches and Norms as there are between races in the United States. Sure, there is still racism, and it's sickening. However, for the most part, someone's race isn't an issue any longer. No one really notices it. That was what "Xavier" envisioned for the future, and "Kitty" wants to take his peaceful approach to get there: publications, speeches, public service, peaceful protests, etc.

"Logan", on the other hand, also welcomes "Xavier's" dream for mutations to matter just as little as race does, but he focuses on "Xavier's" admittance that there is still racism and violent hate crimes. He follows the teachings that "we still need to learn how to defend ourselves against such ignorance and hate."

This puts the two at odds with each other, but they still realize that they're working towards the same end-goal. While they don't approve of how the other is getting to that end, they are willing to cooperate in order to combine their efforts and reach that equality faster.

Meanwhile, you have the extremist group Challengers of Heaven. This is more akin to Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants from the actual comics. The Challengers see no need to try to co-exist with Norms. They feel that Glitches are actually the next wave of evolution in humanity. Much like Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals. So incredibly similar, but there's just something about the former that is superior to the later, and that will eventually mean the former will win Darwin's "Survival of the Fittest." However, unlike Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals, the Challengers of Heaven are making sure Glitches have a heavy hand in the extinction of Norms; allowing their "species" the ability to reign supreme - at least, until the next great evolution roughly 70,000 years from now.

In the grand scheme of villainous factions, the reboot equivalent to "The Brotherhood" is just a punk street gang comprised of Glitches. They may be the most dangerous set of mo-fos, but they have no true goal of world domination or Norm extinction. They also hire out their members as Glitch mercenaries; resulting in a lot of laying in bed with Challengers of Heaven.

While I haven't figured out too much more about "Logan" beyond what I have above, I did a little more work on "Kitty" as well as started the reworking of both "Gambit" and "Multiple-Man." I just need to finish those reworks and figure out the other Marvel Canon characters that we're bringing over to the reboot.

Regardless of all that, I still feel like I accomplished a great deal in making "Kitty" and "Gambit" more original, while still retaining enough of their canon powers for Chayse to inherit. I haven't really heard back yet from Phfyl or Hubby as to what they think about all of this - another TL; DR issue - but for right now, here's what I'm thinking.

Chayse will still have phasing due to his mother's powers, but he'll actually be the one to figure out that he can use them that way. "Kitty" will essentially have Gambit's main power of Molecular Acceleration - as the Marvel Wikia classifies it. So, the ability to make cards go bang? "Kitty's" instead of Gambit's. Considering her maternal nature, I'll have to figure out how she mostly uses such a destructive power.

The easiest way to do both that and give Chayse his advancement in to phasing is to reclassify Gambit's powers. It's now Kinetic Manipulation. Not only can it be used the way Gambit does in the comics - which is him accelerating molecules until their kinetic energy builds up; hence the power name - but classifying the power as Kinetic Manipulation means it can be manipulated the other way: reverting kinetic energy back to potential energy. I'm not entirely sure if scientifically I can make this power plausible, so it's still in the works. However, essentially this would mean "Kitty" could do things like make a speeding car decelerate faster than it normally would, have a thrown object's trajectory be cut short as it falls to the ground, or simply removing the agitated energy she had previously put in to an object; "decharging" it. Like, if Gambit in the comics starts charging up a card to become an explosive, changes his mind, and removes the kinetic energy he originally stored up in it; reverting the card in to a simple, nonexplosive piece of cardboard.

Anyway, this classification of Kinetic Manipulation would rework Gambit's powers enough that they could be hinted at - with things like making average objects explosives - but not entirely recognizable. Especially if "Kitty" mostly uses it defensively by converting kinetic energy. Chayse doesn't really make things go "boom" either when he uses his powers; aside from a box of toothpicks he keeps with him, similar to Gambit's deck of cards. He uses it mostly to charge up his own body or his whip-like belt; adding kinetic energy so that the output is greater when used.

Chayse could then discover that he can build up enough kinetic energy in himself to make his own molecules vibrate fast enough to move between the empty spaces between molecules of the item he's phasing through. Obviously, the denser the object the smaller - or fewer - the empty spaces are and the harder it is for him to phase. However, this density problem already came up in-canon with Kitty's phasing power. In theory - I don't read comics enough to know if it's stated fact in them - Kitty's power DOES work by her moving her molecules within the empty spaces of the item she's phasing through. I just gave it a new reason as to how. Also, this would mean that Chayse's power isn't really a combination of phasing and making things explode. The phasing is just a new trick he learned to do using his natural gifts.

What are the powers he inherited from "Gambit" then, if it wasn't Molecular Acceleration? Well, seems Gambit has a few other powers that are derived from that one. Much like how Chayse's phasing is now derived from his Kinetic Manipulation. See, Gambit has heightened agility and dexterity due to his ability to tap in to the kinetic energy within himself. I already stated that Chayse essentially does the same; even more so once he Ascends. Gambit also uses this Molecular Acceleration to constantly keep charged potential energy around his body that he can then harness as kinetic energy whenever needed. This is more of a reflex thing that he doesn't consciously think about, but it causes static that makes it hard for telepaths to invade his mind, and near impossible for telepaths to even detect him. Finally - and one I didn't realize was a derived power; I thought it was a secondary one - Gambit has hypnotic charm due to his ability to "charge" kinetic energy in someone's brain; activating parts needed for Gambit to manipulate the person. It's a small manipulation, but it's enough for that person to find Gambit trustworthy. Because of this hypnotic charm, Gambit can convince people to believe what he says and/or agree to whatever he suggests.

Now, while Marvel did a great job at figuring out how Gambit can use his Molecular Acceleration power in order to have a nice loaded arsenal of other powers, they all don't have to derive from that parent power. We could make our version of Gambit be a "Mind" Glitch whose primary power is Charmspeak. Now, Rick Riordan already used the exact phrase "Charmspeak" for a power a daughter of Aphrodite has. Her mother's charm and seduction flows through her, allowing people to believe anything she says if she puts enough effort behind her words. I also have a sneaking suspicion that D&D also used either that phrase or a similar one in regards to boosting a bluff score or something. So I'll have to think of an alternative classification for the power other than "Charmspeak" or "Hypnotic Charm". Although, I guess "Hypnotic Charm" would still really work.

The idea is that "Gambit" has the ability to hypnotize people through speech. His words would be so compelling that the target(s) can be easily convinced they're true, or that he's right. Now, just like normal hypnosis, the Charmspeak cannot convince anyone to do something they are morally opposed. It is also a lot harder for it to work when the target knows it's a blatant lie, or if they are also a Mind Glitch; since the heightened mental ability naturally counteracts his powers. Basically, think of this as "Bluff: The Mutant Power."

Now, a side-effect of being a Mind Glitch with the ability to convince others so easily is that his own mind is constantly on alert for such manipulation towards him. I'm not sure if this makes him completely immune to mental manipulation, or if he just has a strong resistance. Given this side-effect, Hubby and I were thinking that this might be a fun way for him and Willow's dad to have met up before the kids were born. Willow's dad Jacob tried to use his Prop Illusions power to convince "Gambit" of something. I'm still figuring out what, exactly. Maybe it was something as simple as Monopoly money being legit currency. Well, "Gambit's" resistance/immunity towards mental manipulation sees through the illusion. He decides to try to swindle the swindler, but - since Jacob is a Mind Glitch too - the Charmspeak doesn't work on Jacob. The two con-artists chat over a beer and become fast friends. Perhaps even team up for a little while before "Kitty" and Meryl tame the Cons in to going straight.

Anyway, having the Charmspeak main power also semi-explains the "Mental Firewall" - as we've been calling it in-game - but what about the agility? Switching gears from Gambit being a thief mastering in breaking and entering to "Gambit" being a swindler via hypnosis, we don't necessarily need him to be as good of a fighter any longer. So we're still debating if Chayse's agility and dexterity are still derived from the Kinetic Manipulation - like it is with Canon Gambit - or if it's a secondary power for both "Gambit" and Chayse.

We also discussed the possibility of Chayse having the odd eye coloring from "Kitty" as a side-effect of the Kinetic Manipulation. If Chayse is going to have a physical mutation from "Kitty" anyway, it might be best to keep the agility/dexterity physical mutation inherited from her as well.

Regardless, I want to avoid the "black sclera with unnatural iris color" concept since that's blatantly a Gambit design. I thought that the iris would still be a vivid, unnatural color that reflects the shade of the aura emitted when "charging" something. So Chayse would still have the neon limegreen, and "Kitty" would have a purplish red color - the color Gambit has when charging. The only trick there is that in the cyberpunk world I picture the comic to be in, wouldn't colored contacts be just an average thing? That would mean that even with his physical mutation, Chayse can pass for human. Still, Hubby wanted that subtle mutation to still be noticeable. A way for him to ALMOST pass for human, but gives him away.

Since I JUST finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, I want to use that as an example. Dark skin, white hair, and specifically eyes with red irises were the tell-tale signs that you were a decedent of the Ishvalan race. So, maybe in this CyberPunk future it's a common thing for unnatural-colored eyes to be a sign of being a Glitch. Therefore, people wouldn't HAVE colored contacts for fear of being thought of as a Glitch? Either that, or it's a novelty thing, like people wearing red contacts to cosplay as a vampire or animal contacts to pretend they're a humanoid cat... Then again, those things aren't real which is why we cosplay as them. Would the same be true if Glitches were real? I dunno. I'm still figuring out that eye thing.

In the meantime, Hubby thought more about the issue and suggested that perhaps Chayse and "Kitty" could have their eyes completely fill with that unnatural color - lime green for Chayse; magenta for "Kitty" - when using their powers; similar to how Storm's eyes go completely white when using hers.

Things I should have been thinking about over the past few weeks, I guess....

Anyway, as I mentioned, I did manage to figure out a little bit about Lia's father Jamie as well. Again, I'm waiting for either Phfyl or Hubby to give me some sort of feedback. My biggest fear is that while I did tweak the powers, they are still essentially the same. However, I didn't really have much choice in the matter since Jamie's power to make clones of himself is fairly crucial in Lia's upbringing and subsequent personality development. I was debating having him make "clones" via astral projections so that he can always be around Lia in order to look over her. Yet, we seem to have a surplus of "Mind" Glitches in this tale, and so I wanted to branch out from that.

I thought that perhaps - and I'll have to figure out what "category" of glitch this would put him in - "Jamie" is what is known as a "Soul Splitter." He can send a part of his consciousness - or "soul" in this case, I guess - in to fresh drops of his blood, and use said soul-infused drops to create clones of himself. I'm still mentally working out the imagery of that since it's not a spontaneous blink into existence like Multiple Man's Dupes.

Just like Multiple Man, a Soul Splitter's clones are completely autonomous. However, the more clones he makes, the more of himself he "loses." If too many are out in the world it may change his very personality and/or affect his memory. It could also physically drain him since there is always a minor tug for his soul to return as one. Said "tug" is so minor that he can go years with one clone lose out in the world without it physically affecting either of them. So it's almost like the gravitational pull humans have on each other... it's there, but not noticeable. I figured if we still wanted that weird "Tyler is but isn't Jamie's son/Lia's brother" thing in the reboot we could still do so this way.

Now, while Jamie is considered "Prime" in the comics - so that one can distinguish which "Jamie" is the main one the clones came from - in our tale perhaps he's "Alpha"? I'll have to think more about that, but it seems fitting.

Anyway, perhaps Alpha's constant need for his soul to re-fuse gives him the same issue as Jamie: clones are absorbed upon skin-to-skin contact; even if he doesn't want to absorb it yet. To add to that, since they are all one soul, they have an almost telepathic/hive-mind that they can activate. This also allows "Jamie" to be just as badass as his canon form: literally do multiple things at the same time, and be able to retain the knowledge once the clone is absorbed. I might want to rethink this aspect though, since it's bringing him back too much with Marvel's version. Maybe - unless the clone physically tells Alpha - the knowledge is there due to the shared soul, but it's "locked" away. Said "locked" memories can then only be recalled/retrieved with the help of hypnosis or telepathic involvement which brings subconscious thought to the surface in order to be actively remembered. This is getting complicated!

Let's go back to the less complicated idea of how the clones "spawn". The clones can each duplicate again, just like Alpha does. They do so by splitting up the soul-piece they have, and then placing the smaller fragment in to their own fresh blood droplets. However, they can only make a limited number - say no more than 3 - and if the parent clone itself is one of a multiple amount, its ability to create more than one clone and/or the secondary clone's ability to be autonomous is reduced. For instance, if Alpha only creates up to four clones than each clone could create another three. However, if Alpha creates between 5 and 10 clones each can only create another two, or if he creates 10 to 15 clones each can only duplicate themselves once.... something like that.

Also, since the clones all draw their power from their soul-piece's connection to Alpha's Parent Soul, they are greatly affected by their proximity to him. In other words, the farther away from Alpha the clone is, the less likely he is to be able to use his powers or tap in to knowledge that wasn't stored in the "soul piece" he was birthed from. Likewise, whatever knowledge/personality Alpha used to create a clone will be hindered or even lost to him if said clone travels too far from him. By "too far" I'm talking hundreds of miles.

So, if we do keep that Tyler's father is a run-away clone of "Jamie" then the knowledge and bit of personality he used to create that clone is "locked away" from him; altering his personality slightly, causing blackouts in his memory, and making him forget the knowledge "stored" in that bit of soul.

The last thing I thought about in regards to reworking Jamie was a name change for him. While I still despirately need to come up with new names for all of the canon characters we're re-working, for some reason Jamie was the easiest one to think of alternate names for. Out of a list of nine names, my top two are Cody and Charles - shortened to either Charlie or Buck. Phfyl seems to like Cody best too, and so I'm about 99% certain that Lia's father's name will now be Cody instead of Jamie. We'll see.

To finish up today's post about X-Future, I'd like to state that after some debate I FINALLY got around to posting something new in X-Future: Snippets. I wrote this back in the end of August or beginning of September; I can't really remember. It was more-or-less a writing exercise to help me with more character development for Lia. Since it dealt with a conversation between Lia and Sasha, I sent a copy of it to Sasha's player: 2-feathers-and-a-stone.

She never sent me back any notes on how to correct Sasha, and so I'm just assuming that means I kept her well-enough in-character. Still, I wasn't sure if it was worthy to be an official Snippet. I debated just posting a link to the shared Google.Docs file as a Blog Exclusive sort of thing, but this morning I officially decided to just pull the trigger.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you my quick brainchild to help me figure out how best to play Lia in the upcoming months of game:

"Sasha's Farewell"

Next week I'll talk to you more about what I've been doing throughout September and the first portion of October. I meant to tell you now, but the recap of what I came up with after the "Shadowcat and Wolverine Take Center Stage" post went WAY longer than I anticipated!

Five hours of off-and-on writing, longer than anticipated.... Hey, at least with this sort of pacing I'll ALWAYS have something to talk about; given that I am ALWAYS behind on my updates of what I've been doing. Guess that means I can't slow down with my writing.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Monkeys, Monsters, and Playgrounds

Today marks the first day of my favorite month: October.
There's one simple reason why this is my favorite month:
Tomorrow is Hubby and my 3rd wedding anniversary. <3

However, we decided to get married in October because I already loved it so much; it just seemed fitting to add to my list of things I enjoy about this month.

I don't really know what it is exactly about October, but I love it. I love that it has a distinct feel. That crispness in the air and bite of frozen toes first thing in the morning. Normally I don't like being cold, but that lack of feeling in my feet when I first wake up is refreshing because it means my favorite month is here.

October has distinct smells as well: pumpkin EVERYTHING, apple cider, and this weird wax smell that accompanied the novelty monster-shaped Halloween candles that my mother had around the house as I was growing up. There's another smell dealing with nature starting to go dormant, but I can't quite describe it. Something about that smell just seems "October" though, even though it technically is around in September and November too. Guess it's just the most prominent in October...

October also has my favorite holiday. You get to dress up as someone else and get free candy for it! How do you not love that!? I also love monsters: werewolves, vampires, Frankenstein's monster, sea creatures, etc. If it's supernatural, I eat it up!

Imagining who I'd like to be on the 31st, and watching tons of Halloween/monster-themed movies, and plotting my own supernatural stories; October is just a perfect Writing month. I just need to remember to harness this energy this year.

Which brings me to the meat and potatoes of this week's post.

Last week I went in depth about an article I read: Why Writers Are the Worst Procrastinators by Megan McArdle.

This week, I'd like to talk about another article on the subject. When I posted McArdle's article to Struggling Writers Society I quickly got a response from ChibiSunnie.

Chibi: I think the related article that came up when I clicked [for McArdle's] does a better job of explaining why we can only write when we have deadlines, but I do agree that sometimes the fear of not writing anything overcomes whatever other reasons we have for putting off writing.

The article she found - and then shared with all of us - was Why Procrastinators Procrastinate by Tim Urban.

Urban kept us amused as we read his article; by way of including cartoons to explain his concepts.

Such as his depiction of what derails procrastinators in the first place: The Instant Gratification Monkey (IGM)
Image by Tim Urban
In the article, Urban has a little strip where we are introduced to IGM and how it comes up with a long list of amusing - albeit pointless - activities that seem way more fun than whatever it is we're avoiding via procrastination. The last image of that strip totally hit home for me.
Image by Tim Urban
This is pretty much my rationale all the time! Over two hours before I need to do something? Nope, not enough time to do anything productive. Ignore the fact that all I have to do is write for 1/2hr a day to stay on track to write a 90,000 word novel within a year. Ignore the fact that even when it comes to writing something like a blog post I only really use two-hrs max.

Instead, focus on the times when I would marathon writing for about 8hrs straight. Once I get going on a project I don't like to stop until I am either done or come to a natural stopping point in the story; that way I don't have to worry about coming back to the story and forgetting where I was going with it. Trust me, I've had that annoying quandary multiple times. Not fun.

So, naturally, I now think "If I don't have at least four hours to write, there's no point in starting." If I get done before the 4hrs is up, fantastic. I have time to screw around then. However, I'd much rather set up the hours and not need them, then to say "Alright, I have a 1/2hr. Go!" and then have to stop prematurely. Thing is, I feel the same way about my chores too. "Oh, I have to pick up Hubby in an hour. Clearly not enough time to do the dishes or vacuum."

Instead of doing something productive during that 2.5hr window described in the above image, I'd rather putz around on Facebook and then complain that I didn't have enough time to accomplish anything that day. I really need to get past that first mental block of HORRENDOUS time management. Maybe if I just tell myself to suck it up and work during that time; regardless if I feel I can complete the task within the allotted time.

The next real hurdle is what Tim Urban described as the "Dark Playground."

I have spent many a day in the Dark Playground. Heck, I have a season pass there! My favorite attractions are:
  • Check Facebook Notifications Instantly Carousel
  • Look For People To IM Shooting Gallery
  • Get Lost On DeviantArt Maze
  • Repetitively Refresh X-Future Forum To See If There's Anything New Arcade
  • Do Stupid "Maintenance" Stuff In Facebook Games Food Court
  • Watch Shows I'm Really Interested In Simply Because They're On Traveling Minstrels
It's a bad place to be in, and you can get lost there for HOURS before realizing it. There seems to be a large percentage of the current teens and twenty-somethings that have another name for their Dark Playground. They seem to know it best as simply Tumblr.

Anyway, Urban comments that most procrastinators tend to linger with their IGM in the Dark Playground instead of actually doing any work. The only way to get us out of the Dark Playground? Why, a good old Panic Monster, of course!
Image by Tim Urban
Seems that little IGM is terrified of the Panic Monster; that dread that something horrible will result in you procrastinating to the point of NEVER accomplishing a certain task. The bigger the consequence of not doing the task, the scarier the Panic Monster; as well as the fast PM shows up to scare us out of the Dark Playground. Tasks with little to no real consequence - such as the ones we set for ourselves - either have a tiny PM or one never shows up.

Consequence of procrastinating and never going to work: getting fired and all the badness that follows. This results in huge PM chasing you out the door ASAP.
Consequence of procrastinating and not doing the dishes: the dishes pile up until there are no clean ones left. This results in a baby PM showing up and shooing you off to the sink to quickly scrub a dish and fork the next time you need it to actually eat.
Consequence of procrastinating and never writing that Great American Novel: feeling regret and a bit disappointed in never accomplishing such a lofty goal. The Panic Monster may never actually show up here; depending on how severe that consequence is for you.

The ebb and flow of IGM taking over until PM scares it away is a really crappy way of attempting to accomplish anything; and results in not really ENJOYING the fun stuff that somehow becomes an attraction in the Dark Playground.
Of course, this is no way to live. Even for the procrastinator who does manage to eventually get things done and remain a competent member of society, something has to change. Here are the main reasons why:

  1. It’s unpleasant. Far too much of the procrastinator’s precious time is spent toiling in the Dark Playground, time that could have been spent enjoying satisfying, well-earned leisure if things had been done on a more logical schedule. And panic isn’t fun for anyone.
  2. The procrastinator ultimately sells himself short. He ends up underachieving and fails to reach his potential, which eats away at him over time and fills him with regret and self-loathing.
  3. The Have-To-Dos may happen, but not the Want-To-Dos. Even if the procrastinator is in the type of career where the Panic Monster is regularly present and he’s able to be fulfilled at work, the other things in life that are important to him—getting in shape, cooking elaborate meals, learning to play the guitar, writing a book, reading, or even making a bold career switch—never happen because the Panic Monster doesn’t usually get involved with those things. Undertakings like those expand our experiences, make our lives richer, and bring us a lot of happiness—and for most procrastinators, they get left in the dust.
So true. Every last word. They all speak to me so strongly. Especially that second point.
...which eats away at him over time and fills him with regret and self-loathing.
I get this a LOT. Especially now that I'm 30. It seems silly since I still have about 50 years left - hopefully more - and so I have plenty of time still. However, I had always thought that I would be in my chosen profession, married, have at least one kid, be a home-owner, and at least have a CONCEPT for a manuscript figured out by now. Out of that list I have.... I'm married! While a fantastic part of that list and one that makes the rest of it worth while, one out of five isn't that amazing a completion percentage.
Whoot! 20% completion rate for the things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 30!
So, I really REALLY need to figure out how to break out of this pattern within the next decade of my life. As I said, I still have time to turn things around. I'm slowly, but semi-surely, working on a writing career and that manuscript concept. I may not actually get said book done before I'm 40, but trying to do so will push me harder to get serious. A lot of women this era have been having children in their mid-to-late 30s, and so I still have time there. I don't actually need to EVER own a home; the in-laws are STILL renting. The only thing I really, truly need to focus on right now is to find SOME job that doesn't suck the life out of me and can pay me enough that I'll feel comfortable at attempting to start a family.

See? In everything I get bogged down in the Big Picture when I really need to just take things in bite sized chunks. Maybe that's how I'll reign in my IGM. Maybe a trail of bite-sized tasks.
Yes, I did just watch Family Guy...

Luckily, Tim Urban continued on his Procrastination train of thought in a second part to his article: How to Beat Procrastination

Essentially, his concept on how to beat procrastination and to keep that IGM in check is the same as the one I just presented: Bite Sized Chunks. His analogy is a brick. Focused. Precise. Simple. Something that can be used to build a grand goal with. In other words, a finely tuned task with a distinct goal.

In other words, my list of things I wanted to do by the time I was 30 was too broad, and with no definitive deadline - aside from my 30th birthday - to keep me in check. That left IGM alone to play for quite a while.
Image by Tim Urban
With Urban's "brick" analogy, I was basically looking at the house I wanted done by the time I hit my third decade. However, I didn't really think about the blueprints and how many bricks I would need to finish building the thing. I have the foundation poured out - my marriage - but I completely forgot to get the materials I needed for the rest of my "home".

So, that's what I need to do for the next ten years. I need to figure out how many bricks I need and focus on carefully placing each one. If I focus on the task at hand - properly laying one brick on top of another - I won't even notice how many it will take to finish a room. Then I'll be surprised when I place the last one and realize "hey! I actually sold my first book!"

Urban continues by explaining - in his own opinion - why it's so hard for us procrastinators to pick up these individual bricks and actually start building. For me, as I continuously mention, I seem to look at the huge pile and focus too much on how daunting it's going to be to actually build a room out of so many bricks. Instead, I need to refocus on how simple it is to pick one up and place it down where I need it. I may not see much of a difference at first, but soon enough I'll actually be able to see my progression, and maybe that can help me.

But let's jump back to Urban's take real quick.
Image by Tim Urban
In his take the issue is what he calls the Dark Woods. It's the same thing as me looking at the Big Picture. The woods - as the name implies - is dark and dense and a pain to get through. There's struggles and it's hard to see the end. However, as you can see from Urban's drawing, it's fairly easy to see the Dark Playground just on the outskirts of the Dark Woods. All you have to do is look left or right instead of straight ahead, and you'll find one of the dreaded "attractions". The IGM can't STAND the Dark Woods and would much rather play in the Dark Playground, and so if you lose track of IGM for even a moment, you're off on an attraction until you can wander back to the Dark Woods to try the task again.

Some times the only way to get out of the park and through the woods is with that lovely Panic Monster chasing after you.

However, you see that happy bluish-green section at the top? The Happy Playground? That's the satisfaction of actually completing the task. That's what you see at the tail end of the Dark Woods, when most of the obstacles are behind you and the goal is easy to see ahead. The last leg of the Dark Woods is almost easy after trekking through for so long.

Last year of school? Cinch after going there for four years.
Last month of braces? It's gonna fly by after two years!
Driver's test? Piece of cake after practicing for a year.
Last hour of work? Vacation after the first seven hours.

You get the point.

The trick is not allowing the Panic Monster to chase you so far through the Dark Woods that you can't complete the task without it right at your heels, otherwise you won't really make it to the Happy Playground either. You'll be in that white space between the two amusement parks. The task will be done, but you won't really feel satisfied about it either.

But what about that Rainbow Road segment? The Flow, Urban calls it.

That, my dear friends, is when you get through enough of the Dark Woods that the task is not only no longer a struggle, but it's actually enjoyable! Think about all of your hobbies that you sort of dread doing now?

I know I felt that way about crocheting when I was working on my niece's blanket. I felt that way when I was building pixel-dolls in Photoshop for all 30+ characters on the X-Future board; especially with the time needed to just set everything up to piece together.

And how many of us feel that way about writing? It's no longer fun. It's almost an obligation. There's something there that made the Dark Woods look like something out of a slasher film.
Don't make me go in there!
You remember your brick laying and decide to push through. You'll make a friggen gorgeous brick path through these darn woods as you make your way to the Happy Playground! You fight your fears - perhaps of inadequacy - and make your way through the Dark Woods.

Before you know it, the woods don't seem so scary. In fact, they seem down right delightful. Screw the Happy Playground! You want to spend all your time here!
Who brought the picnic basket?
Congratulations, my friend, you just reached The Flow. We all know that feeling. When you are so in the zone you don't WANT the task to end. See above and my comment about marathoning writing for 8hrs straight! All of those hobbies that I dreaded I also ended up losing hours to without realizing it.

I went to bed late some nights because I WANTED to do another row - or two or three or four - of the blanket. I was in a groove and didn't want to stop. I lost DAYS in Photoshop putting together those pixel-dolls of the X-Future characters. I legit spent about 60hrs custom designing wrestlers in Xbox's WWE '13 so that they resembled the X-Future characters.

There are times where I would rather write than anything else.

There seems to be so much more satisfaction in The Flow than in the Happy Playground. Sure, you may feel satisfied that the house is clean, and now you can have three guilt-free hours of playing World of Warcraft. However, sometimes cleaning the house gets you in to a flow of organizing the house, and then doing home improvements. Next thing you know, you'd rather be staring at your gorgeous new living room than playing World of Warcraft. And it's not just because you're an adult.

Anyway, if you haven't guessed, I really enjoyed Urban's two-part blog about procrastination, and I think it will do everyone a world of good to read them too if they find themselves procrastinating more often than not.

Well, now that I've past through my Dark Woods of "Dear lord, I forgot it's Wednesday again, and I have to write my blog instead of officially starting my Staycation after a long, grueling week," I'm off to the Happy Playground of snuggling with my husband on our couch.

Until next week where I'll FINALLY get around to talking about the advancements I've made on the X-Future comic reboot.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Procrastinate to Avoid Fear

Earlier this week one of my old college buddies - Summer - posted this article on her Facebook account: Why Writers Are the Worst Procrastinators by Megan McArdle.

It was an interesting read, and one that doesn't relate to just writers; it can be said about anyone who showcased natural talent in something. However, I feel like she sort of lost focus somewhere along the way. The end of the article didn't seem to relate at all to the starting thesis of "Writers are too good at English class". Which, by the way, you can therefore come up with the similar theses: "Lead singers were too good in Show Choir" or "Athletes were too good in gym" or "Lawyers were too good on the debate team", and so on. Anyway, while she did seem to get a bit off-track with her article's train of thought, she also came up with some pretty good points along the way. Thing is, these points aren't REALLY about procrastination. They're about fear. Fear of inadequacy - specifically - and how it tends to drive us towards procrastination.

A fear that she believes stems from school, and how English classes being easy for the majority of writers is actually a bad thing.
This teaches a very bad, very false lesson: that success in work mostly depends on natural talent. Unfortunately, when you are a professional writer, you are competing with all the other kids who were at the top of their English classes. Your stuff may not — indeed, probably won’t — be the best anymore.
She then explains how believing in just your natural born talent - which has gotten you through English classes effortlessly - makes you one heck of a procrastinator out in the real world; especially after realizing that you probably aren't the Cream of the Crop any longer.
If you’ve spent most of your life cruising ahead on natural ability, doing what came easily and quickly, every word you write becomes a test of just how much ability you have, every article a referendum on how good a writer you are. As long as you have not written that article, that speech, that novel, it could still be good. Before you take to the keys, you are Proust and Oscar Wilde and George Orwell all rolled up into one delicious package. By the time you’re finished, you’re more like one of those 1940’s pulp hacks who strung hundred-page paragraphs together with semicolons because it was too much effort to figure out where the sentence should end.
Does this fear sound familiar? That Schrödinger's cat theory of authorship: you are either excellent or terrible, but you won't know which until you're done writing, and so until you're done you can still be both. Therefore, procrastination allows you to stay in your "I really am a good writer; I'll prove it when I'm actually done writing" bubble. Once you stop procrastinating and you finish your project, however, that bubble just might have to pop. Sure, you could very well be just as awesome as you perceive yourself to be while in that bubble, but then there's that fear that maybe you aren't. As long as you procrastinate and don't finish your project you can avoid showcasing how much of a writing schmuck you truly are.

Megan McArdle discusses this concept with Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, who - according to McArdle - is "one of the best-known experts in the psychology of motivation."
[Dweck] discovered through her research, not everyone reacts to [failure] by breaking out in hives. While many of the people she studied hated tasks that they didn’t do well, some people thrived under the challenge. They positively relished things they weren’t very good at — for precisely the reason that they should have: when they were failing, they were learning.
All of us who procrastinate out of fear of failing should really pay attention here.
...the people who dislike challenges think that talent is a fixed thing that you’re either born with or not. The people who relish [challenges] think that [talent is] something you can nourish by doing stuff you’re not good at.
[Dweck] now identifies the former group as people with a “fixed mind-set,” while the latter group has a “growth mind-set.” For "growth" people, challenges are an opportunity to deepen their talents, but for “fixed” people, [challenges] are just a dipstick that measures how high [a person's] ability level is. Finding out that you’re not as good as you thought is not an opportunity to improve; it’s a signal that you should maybe look into a less demanding career, like mopping floors.
Haven't we all more-or-less felt this way at some point? Isn't this why it's so hard for people to both willingly ask for critiques and happily accept them? All us beta-readers and critiquers wish to do is help the writer improve. To show off the failings - maybe teach why they are failings - and help the writer overcome them. Help them grow. Yet, instead of seeing it as a growing opportunity, so many of the people I have beta-read for shrink away at the massive amount of notes I gave them; assuming it's official proof that they truly can't write.

They completely ignore the positive feedback I give them; the encouragement. They don't seem to recognize that I wouldn't bother putting in that much effort in correcting them and helping them improve if I didn't have faith in their writing. If I didn't see the talent they just need to nourish.

Yes, Omnibladestrike, I am looking squarely at you here!
STOP BEING SUCH A FIXED MIND-SET PERSON!!!

Although, to be fair, it has happened to even the best of us. To this day I have yet to submit anything in to the critiques section of Writers’ Huddle. Mainly because I see these more experienced writers on the board, and instead of thinking the way I should - that they are there to help me, and have the wisdom and experience to do so - I end up fearing that my work - which is still largely fanfiction - won't be deemed "worthy" in comparison. That they'll scoff at my lack of talent and/or ability. That they won't even bother critiquing because they don't see enough potential to put in the effort. That they'll look at my works like "Come on, kid, send us something when you're being serious."

Even though I KNOW none of that will happen, I KNOW that they will be kind and sincere and will genuinely put in the effort to help me improve, I still have that fear. I still get nervous that having more experienced writers than myself critique my work will prove that I just don't have the talent. Ignoring that I can still NURTURE the talent so I can become "good enough".

I won't state who because I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, but I even had a member of the online writing group I started up - The Struggling Writers Society - inform me that even though he would love to have some of his things critiqued, he was afraid to show off what he had to the group. I reassured him that we're all very kind and nurturing people who just want to watch each other succeed. I don't think it helped though, because he hasn't spoken on the matter since, and there is still nothing in the critiques section of our group forum.

Megan McArdle discussed this idea even further in her article. Turns out it's more than simply a fear of hitting a Talent Plateau in something you thought you were astonishing at. It's a fear said plateau will reveal that you were never truly good to begin with.
This fear of being unmasked as the incompetent you “really” are is so common that it actually has a clinical name: impostor syndrome.

If [Fixed Mind-Set people are] forced into a challenge they don’t feel prepared for, they may even engage in what psychologists call “self-handicapping”: deliberately doing things that will hamper their performance in order to give themselves an excuse for not doing well.
"No, I'm not an impostor. I really am as skilled as I claim I am. I just didn't give this one my all, and that's why it's crap."

It's a nice shield to hide behind, isn't it? A way to explain why you can't measure up to The Greats in writing; or whatever field you're afraid of hitting a Talent Plateau in. The problem with self-handicapping is that you never show off your best. You're too afraid to show your best to anyone because your best might be crap. You're too afraid that your best won't cut it.

But, what if your best really is as great as you hope it is? No one will ever know, and you'll never become the success you wish to be. If it turns out that you were right in your fear and you CAN'T cut it right now, how do you ever expect to improve so you CAN cut it if you never give it your all, and then try to make your all better next time?

On top of all of that, you also need to remember that none of those Greats that you're measuring yourself against are truly as "great" as you think. The works you love so much you practically memorized them are all the finished, polished product. You never read any of them as a first draft.
Think about how a typical English class works...Students are rarely encouraged to peek at early drafts of [the works they are reading]. All they see is the final product, lovingly polished by both writer and editor to a very high shine. When the teacher asks “What is the author saying here?” no one ever suggests that the answer might be “He didn’t quite know” or “That sentence was part of a key scene in an earlier draft, and he forgot to take it out in revision.”
I know I always hated that part of English class. Teachers trying to get us to read in between the lines to see what the story is REALLY about. Always made me feel like my stories were too simplistic because they were straight forward. No hidden agendas. No subtle commentary. I wrote what my characters showed me and told me. Simple as that. Heaven forbid the same were true about any of the stories we read in school.

There is another valid point that McArdle makes in regard to not being able to read the earlier drafts of a classic novel.
“You never see the mistakes, or the struggle,” says Dweck. No wonder students get the idea that being a good writer is defined by not writing bad stuff....

Unfortunately, in your own work, you are confronted with every clunky paragraph, every labored metaphor and unending story that refuses to come to a point. “The reason we struggle with insecurity,” says Pastor Steven Furtick, “is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Alright, so if we ignore McArdle's random sidetracks about kids being coddled and whatnot, what did we learn?

We learned that perhaps English classes coming easily to writers isn't the best thing for us, since we never really learned the concept of struggling to be good at our craft. Because of this, a lot of us became "Fixed Mind-set" people who believe that there is a Talent Plateau. We think that we can only achieve so much greatness, and that's determined by natural ability. We fear that we've already hit that plateau and can no longer improve. Or worse yet, that the talent we believe we have is actually PAST that plateau, and so we're not nearly as good as we assumed. We fear that showcasing our best efforts will actually reveal us as "frauds", and so we purposely don't give writing our all. That way we have a safety-net excuse as to why our talent doesn't seem to measure up to The Greats.

One of the main ways we Self-Handicap is to procrastinate until the last possible moment. That way if it ends up really good we can say "Huh, imagine how good I can be if I had time to edit that" or "And this was only my first draft!" However, if procrastinating results in a lackluster product, we can justify it as "Well, I only had time for a first draft" or "I was exhausted; I have no clue what I was even writing at the end there."

We also learned that perhaps even with the classes themselves being easy for us future writers, we could have still avoided this Fixed Mind-set by seeing the struggle in others. If only we could have read earlier drafts of classic stories, or seen quotes from our writing mentors explaining that they had to go through seventeen complete revisions before actually coming up with something decent. Perhaps seeing our idols fail and still become amazing in their climb back up would help us aspiring writers realize that being bad now doesn't mean we can't be fantastic later.

Again, that is what this blog is here for. It may be presumptuous of me to think that my struggle in finding myself as a writer will be any sort of example for other writers. I may be expecting too much of my future self to believe that I could become enough of a writing mentor to others that seeing me trip so frequently will help prove to them that they can make it too. The entire concept that this blog is my anthology of failings on my way to "greatness" may be insanely cocky.

Yet, here it is.

On the off chance that I am right in those insane assumptions. Just in case I'm correct in thinking that I've helped someone overcome their fear of inadequacy, by proving that I grew past that Talent Plateau, surpassing my natural talent after failing so frequently with just it.

Hell, this blog post kept me about FIVE HOURS to write! I knew I wanted to talk about Megan McArdle's article, but the whole thing seemed so disjointed. I went through THREE re-writes before becoming satisfied with this version. I even had a list of about four other things I wanted to talk about this week that just didn't quite fit in the final cut. Guess that just means I have blog posts all set up for the next week or so too, huh?

Anyway, I know I didn't talk about any of the progress I made this week - like I originally intended to talk about - so I'm sorry about that. However, I do hope that this break from my normal writing style helped at least ONE person out.

We CAN conquer that fear of inadequacy! It will be a struggle, and we may procrastinate even more, but we just need to retrain ourselves to "Dare to be Bad" and embrace failure as a way to learn and grow. Easier said than done...

Anyway, I want to finish up with a belated joint Happy Birthday to both ChibiSunnie and Ronoxym who shared a birthday last week.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Shadowcat and Wolverine Take Center Stage

I feel like this was a good week. Sure, I still don't have any prose written, but dang, did I ever have tons of brainstorm sessions over the past week. Every work break I was writing something down; so that's a bit exciting.

Poor Phfylburt. He and Hubby both had a LOOOOONG read first thing in the morning thanks to all that brainstorming. The biggest thing I was working on was the build of the two rooms that combined would have been the X-Men Danger Room. Yes, last week I stated that I figured out how I was going to separate the room in to it's two main features: customizable physical obstacles and traps, and a fully immersive holographic generator.

The holographic generator I decided to call The Orb; at least, as the working title for it.

I'm still trying to figure out what to call the other room; the one with the tiles that can stretch in order to form landscapes and the like. I think the working title I gave Hubby and Phfyl was "The Building Room" since you can "build" the obstacle course.... Super lame. Need to rethink that one; definitely.

Anyway, I also stated last week that I needed to figure out what an orphanage for Glitches would need such advanced training for; and why they would set up a sort of "task force" similar to the X-Men. I wanted it to be a different enough reason that it isn't just a rewrite of X-Men. This lead me to the headmaster and headmistress of the Xavier school in X-Future: Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde and Logan "Wolverine".

I was curious as to why they would set up such a tech-heavy and advanced training facility. Sure, it could just easily be justified as "They need it to safely train power control", but at the same time, I feel there could have been a much more low-tech way of training the kids.

Then my mind wandered to a narrator opening the first comic book by explaining what Glitches are and how they are being treated; yada-yada. I probably won't use this exposition-heavy opening, but letting my narrator start off the book like that tends to give me more and more information about the world I'm building. For instance, back when I wasn't sure what to rename mutants, this same narrator was relaying over how people would comment about how there was some sort of "glitch" in the DNA, causing the mutations. That's when it hit me that people would therefore just start calling mutants Glitches; plus it fit well with the psuedo-cyberpunk categorizing of them that Hubby helped figure out.

Well, not only did this nameless female narrator - who may or may not be either Lia or Willow; can't tell - help me figure out what to call mutants, but she also helped me understand why The Orb and Building Room were made.

During her exposition of the world they all live in, she told me about the government snatching up Glitches. Usually the homeless ones so that no one would notice them missing. If they got caught they would justify it as a way to "keep the streets clean of vagabonds" or that they are trying to find help for these Glitches; providing them with shelter, food, and assistance with their powers. Yet, anyone who didn't blindly believe the propaganda would know the truth; the government was experimenting on these abducted Glitches.

The government wanted to know how they ticked. How is it that only some people mutated? What was the connection? What determined the powers? How did the powers work? Could normal humans be mutated in to these Super People via genetic manipulation? Could a Super Glitch be "bred"? Could mutation be a submissive gene, leaving "normal" people as carriers? Could Glitches become weaponized? Can they be "cured" of their powers? What is the most effective way to shut them down?

Experiments were performed on the usually harmless and weak-powered Glitches that became homeless either through average means - mental problems, drug/gambling abuse, jobless - or teens being abandoned by their parents. The more "dangerous" Glitches used for experimentation usually came through the prisons. Either there would be a claim that the Glitch had to go to a Powers-Only facility in order to properly detain the criminal, or the Glitch would be deemed "executed" so no one would wonder where it went to. The inspiration for that second bit I totally blame on re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist; the same plot device happened about 1/2 way through the series.

Anyway, back to my world and the X-Future characters.

Namely, Phfylburt's first character.

Lucas Kinney's backstory had him as the biological child of Wolverine's clone Laura, AKA - X-23. The sheer fact that a clone was able to give birth to someone caught the attention of some major organizations that wished to study, experiment on, and possibly weaponize Kinney. These organizations were SHIELD, HYDRA, and The Weapon-X Program. Laura and Lucas spent years of his adolescence on the lam in hopes of staying hidden from these organizations.

Now, since I didn't want the messiness of explaining away Laura as a clone - or why Logan was cloned in the first place - and I didn't want to have to rework original versions of all three of those organizations, I decided to use the government as a whole for this part of Lucas' life.

Although X-23 is still alive in our continuity, Phfyfl has never really used her in his role playing. Probably because Kinney was in his late 20s when we started up our game. What tough-as-nails, 20-something male interacts with his mom all that frequently? Especially when the man his mom was cloned from is right there as a sort of parental figure. Anyway, since I'm avoiding the whole "cloning" bit, and since Lucas' mom doesn't really play a heavy role in his overall character, I could easily write her out of the comic reboot. Kinney would therefore just be another orphaned Glitch.

I'm still determining if he was abandoned like so many others, or if his parents were killed; probably due to a hate crime.

Point is, Kinney was on his own, living on the streets. The government scooped him up - mainly because this was before Kitty started up the orphanage - and started experimenting on him. At some point, and for some reason I have yet to figure out, Wolverine broke in to the facility and released the Glitches. Kinney was the only child left in the lab, and had nowhere else to go but back out on to the streets. Logan decided he'd take Lucas in as a ward.

With the age difference - ignoring that Logan doesn't really age anymore, and so he's actually WAY older than he appears - I was thinking that Wolverine and Kinney formed a similar "adoptive family" dynamic as Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. In other words: Logan was both a sort of father-figure, and older-brother-figure.

Both Phfyl and I really like this new take on Kinney's backstory because it still keeps the "pseudo-related" dynamic between the two of them. He plays that off well in the X-Future boards. Although, I am going to miss Kinney playfully calling Wolverine "Grandpa". Logan finding Lucas in a lab also allows for the "Kinney was captured and experimented on" backstory that seems crucial to his character as well.

Alright. All of this was a nice world build and character re-write. However, what does any of this have to do with The Orb or Building Room?

Well, after Logan saved and adopted Lucas, he became fixated on the idea of training Glitches to protect themselves from the normal humans. That way the tragedy and cruelty of that lab wouldn't repeat itself. In other words, the whole reason such intense training facilities were built was so Wolverine could help Glitches prepare for the worst.

When Kitty decided to open up the orphanage, Logan went to her with his idea for The Orb and Building Room, and wanted her to set aside enough of the estate she bought so that those two facilities could be built. This way, she could take in the lost children, and Wolverine could train them to hold their own.

As I mentally role played the conversation between the two of them, Kitty brought up a valid concern. The government was already harsh on Glitches. What would happen if they caught wind of Glitches training to fight against an oppressive government? At the very least, Kitty would probably be shut down as an anti-patriotic facility. At worst, the government would find it an aggressive tactic and terrorist training. They'd plow the whole place down. Bringing more violence to their door.

Because of that fear of bringing military action to her doorstep, Kitty denied Logan's request. If he wanted to build the training facility, he'd have to do it alone and off her property. It was a way to protect the children.

So Wolverine ends up building the facilities under the guise of an arcade; at least, that's the working concept for it. He uses the Building Room to create mazes or laser-tag/paintball bunkers or any other physical obstacle course for kids. He uses The Orb - which is actually a room with about a dozen of them - as generic Virtual Reality games. The government won't have any flags going up because it's just an advanced gaming business. However, either he has a separate VIP section where Kitty's students can train - their student IDs would be the VIP cards - or he opens the arcade up after-hours for training. I'm not sure which idea I prefer. Probably the After Hours one because then he wouldn't have to have enough money to build and run TWO of each of those rooms.

Although he wouldn't be fighting Sentinels, Chayse would still be able to use The Orb to recreate his one scene from X-Future. The best part is that Kitty would now be even MORE upset than she was before, because now her son is participating in what she believes to be a very dangerous activity if the government found out. This could create so much chaos and conflict in the reboot: Kitty vs Chayse, Kitty vs Logan, Kitty vs Student Body, etc.

This arcade can also be used when Devon's loyalty was in question. Willow can still be the one commenting about it: "Wait, you haven't tried out The Orb yet? You totally need to!" What makes it even better is that in X-Future Willow actually drags Devon to Wolverine's room to inform Logan that Devon had no clue what the Danger Room was. So dragging him to the arcade to let Wolverine know that Devon had no clue about The Orb could be a nice parallel. Then, either Logan - who isn't sure if he can trust Devon - or the Orb's AI can create the pivotal sequence.

As I was relaying this concept over to Phfyl to see his thoughts on the matter, more information sort of sprang up. He asked simple questions, and my fingers sort of answered before I could fully figure it out myself. What a fantastic way to be a Medium when writing!

The first big discovery was that obviously Logan and Kitty are no longer co-running the school like they do in X-Future. Apparently, they are going to have a dynamic similar to Xavier and Magneto in canon X-Men: friends who are at odds with each other due to their differing views on how to achieve Mutant Rights. I toned down "Magneto" a bit though. Instead of considering Glitches to be the next evolution - a superior human that should rule over normal humans - Logan also just wishes for equality between Glitch and Norm alike. So - as I mentioned to Phfyl - it would be set up more like if Xavier only ever just ran the school, and the X-Men were Magneto's team. The school would provide sanctuary, training of powers, and peaceful demonstration that not all mutants need to be feared or hated. Then there would be the near-militant-trained taskforce whose purpose would be to protect humans from the dangerous glitches - or other supernatural dangers - save glitches from human cruelty, and fight for equality. However, instead of the two being housed on the same estate - the taskforce also working as guardians of those training still - the two forces would be separate: Kitty's orphanage and Logan's arcade/training facility.

I still wanted the reboot equivalent of the X-Men around to fight The Brotherhood - which has become more of a violent street gang - as well as protect the students. I just needed to figure out what the connection would be between Kitty and Wolverine.

There's always the option that Logan just wanted to help Glitches his own gruff way, and went to Kitty as a stranger after hearing about her orphanage. I'm kind of "meh" about this idea.

Another option is that they are just friends, however they are already so similar to Xavier and Magneto now. Did I really want to pile more on by having the two of them be clashing friends too? Besides, having them just be friends seems so cliche and boring.

So I thought "maybe they're related?"

I tried it out as both "cousins, or some other semi-distant relative" and "siblings." The cousins idea seemed too convoluted, and only had one true plus side to it. The siblings idea was definitely the stronger option out of the two, but there was one major issue I had with it. Namely, if Kitty and Logan were siblings, than Kinney would be Chayse's adoptive cousin. I felt it would change the dynamic between Chayse and Kinney; being so close to each other. Kinney would no longer just be a very-respected teacher. I wasn't sure I wanted that change. The only plus side to the cousins concept instead? That Kitty and Logan would still be related without Kinney and Chayse being so close to each other; family-wise.

The last option I could think of seems to be the best one so far: Former Lovers.

They started drifting due to their differing views on how to handle the mistreatment of Glitches. I'm not sure if this drifting is before or after Wolverine takes Kinney in. I feel like that would be a nice catalyst, but at the same time I would think that would make Shadowcat try harder to find Lucas a "safer home" after the split; maybe trying to take care of him herself? So I sort of think that maybe Logan breaks in to the facility and saves Lucas AFTER the break-up. Maybe the catalyst was that Kitty wouldn't join him on the raid?

Anyway, the way I see their views on the subject is as follows:
  • Kitty is very much like Xavier in her view of "Humanity is just scared. If we show them there is nothing to fear they will begin to accept us." Which is why she does humanitarian things such as build the orphanage, but she won't allow training that would teach the kids how to protect themselves against the normal humans or the government as a whole. She's a more maternal figure when it comes to other Glitches.
  • Logan is a lot more gruff. He's jaded - especially after saving Kinney - and while he too wishes for a world where Glitches and Norms can co-exist, he's more realistic. He knows that there will be government abductions and experimentation, and he knows that there will be hate crimes. He knows the best defense is a good offense. He wants Glitches to be trained in extreme cases of self defense to protect themselves. He's almost like a military leader or intense self-defense coach in regards to the other Glitches.
Kitty finds Logan's views too pessimistic, aggressive, and provocative.
Logan finds Kitty's views too optimistic, passive, and complaisant.

Even with the split - and probable super heated arguments leading up to said break-up - the two remained friends. They realize that they are aiming for the same goal, just not on the same path.

A short time later, Kitty met Gambit and the two fell in love. Logan - who just isn't Wolverine without some sort of lingering feelings/unrequited love - is jealous of Gambit, but is still sociable with him for Kitty's sake. This lingering flame for Kitty is one of the reasons he tries so hard to protect the school/orphanage.

I'm just waiting to hear back on Hubby and Phfyl's opinions on all of that. Well, at least a better opinion than "Too Long; Didn't Read. Will Read Later."

In the meantime, I guess I need to switch gears and really focus on building my Brujah character if I want to bring her in to the vampire game this Saturday. TOTALLY meant to work on her during our "off" week, but with a 13-hr day last Saturday and my mind being overrun with X-Future, I totally forgot about poor Lottie.